Everything the Media is WRONG about in Kelly Rutherford Custody Case

There have been multiple articles written about the international child custody case regarding Gossip Girl’s Kelly Rutherford, who was married to German entrepreneur Daniel Giersch and who shares joint custody of their two kids Hermés and Helena.

To sum up an extremely lengthy child custody dispute, a California court ordered joint custody of the children to both parents, but primary physical custody to Giersch, who now lives in Monoco. Recently, both California and New York courts determined they no longer had jurisdiction over the case (as the children live in Monoco and pursuant to the Hague Convention on international child custody, to which the US is a signatory.) In the summer of 2015, after Kelly had the children for six weeks, she kept the children in New York past the court-ordered date they were to return to their father. After an emergency hearing, a New York judge ordered the children returned to their father immediately.

Although there have been many stories on this case, there is one thing that the American media has failed to do: actually read the court orders for the case when reporting on them. Kelly is a well-known actress who likely has a lot of friends who work in the media and for the gossip rags, so that’s probably why they are presenting the story with a Kelly-heavy spin.

It is a sad story, and no doubt Kelly cares for her children. However, here are a few things wrong that the media fails to mention about this case:

  1. Kelly keeps complaining that her children are American citizens and were “arrested” and “deported” to live in Monoco with their father. This could not be farther from the truth. This is a joint custody case, not an immigration case. In the 52 page California custody decision from 2012, the judge listed the myriad reasons why he ordered the children to live primarily with their father. The children were not arrested or deported; they are simply under the custody of their father.
  2. The media fails to mention how the court order details that Kelly’s former attorney made a false claim to the U.S. State Department to revoke the husband’s visa, while telling him he would stop making this call if the father gave up his rights to see the children. Basically, the reason he cannot return to the US is due to Kelly and her attorney attempting to get rid of him, and it backfired. Judges do not look kindly upon one parent who tries to alienate the children from the other parent.
  3. Kelly claimed that the NY judge who ordered the children to return to Monoco did not have jurisdiction (and the courts agreed). However, when she failed to return the children per the prior court order, NY (or any state where the children were located) could assume temporary, emergency jurisdiction to ensure the children were safe and to enforce existing court orders.
  4. Kelly claimed she could not kidnap the children, because they were in contact with her father during that time via phone and Skype. However, the kidnapping was in reference to the failure to return the children on the stated date of a court order, and this does qualify as “child abduction” under the Hague Convention. Whether the father knew of their physical location was irrelevant.

We wish the best for Kelly, David and the children. The sooner the parents can work together for the benefit of the children, the better off everyone will be.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

How Divorce Can Be Healthy

Research has indicated in the past that divorced and unmarried couples are less healthy than married ones, but according to London-based researchers, this is actually not the case. The new study, conducted at University College London, found evidence that individuals who were divorced and remarried were no more likely to suffer health problems, such as cardiovascular or respiratory disorders, than couples that stayed together.

In fact, in some cases, divorce even led to long-term health benefits. Men who divorced in their late 30s and never remarried were found to exhibit lower rates of conditions like diabetes compared to married men.

Furthermore, it seems that marriage was not the deciding factor in a couple’s long-term health, but rather, cohabitation. Unmarried long-term couples living together were found to have nearly identical health levels to long-term married couples. These finds were complemented by finds that the individuals with the worst health were those who were unmarried and did not live with a partner.

Divorce and Your Health

No matter whether married, divorce or cohabitating couples have the best health, divorce is a turning point that can allow you to focus on your physical and psychological well-being. Divorce is undoubtedly healthier than staying unhappily married. Stress and unhappiness stemming from a bad marriage can predispose a person to depression, heart disease, cancer, arthritis and diabetes. Not only that, but kids suffer perhaps more than anyone else does during an unhappy marriage. If you are considering calling off your marriage, you should speak to a Denver family law attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

I Want a Divorce ”“ But How Do I Tell My Spouse?

You try and try, but the words just can’t come out. It’s hard to say those four awful words: “I want a divorce.” Even if you want one so bad that it hurts, it can still be difficult to tell your spouse that it’s over. The words must come out, though ”“ so here’s how you do it.

  1. Timing is key. There is no point dragging out the process; it only prolongs the suffering. If you know that you want a divorce, be upfront with it as soon as you can bear it. Pick a time when you will be calm, unstressed and able to talk it over with your spouse.
  2. Be cordial, reasonable and direct. It is normal for emotions to go a little overboard during this time, but you must stay level-headed. Try not to blame your spouse or point out faults. Focus on yourself and your feelings ”“ “I” statements are always better than “you” statements.
  3. Be serious. Don’t use divorce as a tool to manipulate or threaten your spouse. That word can ruin a potentially savable marriage. If you are going to say it, be absolutely sure, and whatever you do, don’t say it during a fight or in front of the kids.
  4. If safety is a concern, have someone there with you. A public declaration of divorce might not be ideal, but could be necessary. A therapist is a good option as well. If a divorce is going to be contentious, you should also look into divorce mediation once you’ve decided that divorce is the only option.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Single Parent Going to School? It Doesn’t Have to Be Hard

It’s back to school season, and not just for the kids! The struggles of a single parent trying to put his or herself through school are huge. There’s just never enough time in the day ”“ you have to manage the kids, your work, your car payments, house payments, all of the bills, the divorce process if you are recently separated ”“ we’ll stop there, you’re overwhelmed enough already!
Fortunately, you are not the first to go through this. Here is some advice from men and women who have gone through your struggles in the past and came out on top:

  • Do it on your time. So you work nine to five and the babysitter can’t stay any longer. You can plan around this! Many schools offer robust night school and online options for the busy student.
  • Find out as much as you can about financial aid, scholarships and grants ”“ they aren’t just for teenagers! Having aid can help keep food on the table, gas in the car and debt collectors off your phone line.
  • Build a strong support network. You could absolutely handle this alone, but why on Earth would you want to? Your friends, family and even school could help you with transportation, childcare and anything else you will need to help you pursue your degree.
  • Do your schoolwork together with your children! Not only will it allow you some more time with them, but setting a positive example and interacting with them will also help them in their own academic life.
  • Take time for yourself. If all you have is stress, your stress is only going to radiate out onto your loved ones and detract from your work.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Avoid These Mistakes during Divorce (Especially #3)

When navigating a divorce, there are countless wrong turns a person can make. After all, divorce is confusing, courtrooms are intimidating and legal forms are frustrating. But you need to keep a level head; don’t allow emotions or anxiety to overcome you, or you might fall victims to one of the following common divorce mistakes:

  • Trusting that your spouse will be a fair and cooperative party in the divorce. He may be a nice guy; she might be a nice girl. But divorce is a serious matter, so no matter how painful it is, you have to look out for yourself. Expect the worst, but hope for the best. If things go south, consider divorce mediation.
  • Not asking questions. Even if this isn’t your first divorce (it’s more common than you think; in fact, second and third marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriages) you should ask everything you can think of. Ask about your chances of acquiring the assets you desire, like the home or car. Ask about the child custody procedures we have in Colorado. When in doubt, ASK.
  • Letting emotions rule. Now more than ever, you must make careful, reasoned approaches. You’re frustrated. You’re annoyed. You’re angry and sad and maybe a little bit neurotic. That’s normal! But you have to take a step back, otherwise you run the risk of undermining your whole case.
  • Withholding information from your attorney. Your attorney needs to know everything there is to know about your case in order to effectively represent you. By hiding information, you’re only weakening your case.
  • Expecting the court to see things from your point of view. The bottom line is: the judge is his or her own person. Judges are tasked with examining both sides of a case and coming to a satisfactory and fair conclusion. Even if you think you are in the right, the judge may disagree ”“ thus, it is better to take a skeptical, balanced approach to your case. Keep your expectations reasonable.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Is It Okay to Date during Divorce?

When is it too early to start dating after you’ve decided to get a divorce?

It’s different for everyone; some people take years to get over a former spouse, while others are quick to mingle with other singles once the papers have been finalized. Some even start dating other people before the divorce is final ”“ but is this a good idea?

Legally speaking, there’s little to dissuade you from moving on to a new partner, at least in Colorado. While some may cry adultery if a divorce is not final before a person moves on to someone new, Colorado’s courts do not take adultery into account in divorce matters. This is because Colorado is a no-fault state ”“ the court does not care why the marriage has failed, only that it is irretrievably broken.

Aside from the legal matters, there are also emotional implications to consider. Even if you have separated from your spouse before you start dating, emotions can still be high, and moving on so fast can lead to animosity from your ex. This could motivate him or her to be more aggressive in the divorce proceedings; he or she might, for example, fight harder for custody of the kids, or demand more from you than a fair compromise would entail. Especially when you have kids, it is important to remain cordial with your spouse during a divorce, and a new relationship can make it difficult for that to happen.

Furthermore, the time immediately following divorce is a time of emotional vulnerability. Yes, it always feels good to feel wanted or needed, which is often the reason divorcees will move on quickly. However, you need time to process your feelings and to truly leave the marriage in the past ”“ you will likely still be dealing with your ex for some time to come, and it is unfair to new partners to put them in the middle of such a sensitive time.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Residency Requirements for Colorado Divorce

A common misconception is that a couple must get divorced in the same state they were married in. However, you can get divorced anywhere in the country, as long as you have residency there. In fact, most divorces are filed in the state the filing spouse resides in. While this is the most common scenario, it is also possible to move before filing for divorce and file in your new home!

What Are the Residency Requirements?

In Colorado, the divorce process requires that you meet residency requirements. Residency requirements vary state to state, with some states having more difficult requirements. Filing for divorce in a state where you do not meet the requirements will lead to rejection of your case. Colorado’s residency rules are fairly simple: in order to file for a dissolution of marriage, you must be a resident of the state for 90 days prior to filing for the divorce.

If You Don’t Meet Residency Requirements

If you find that you do not meet the residency requirements for a divorce filing, you have a few options:

  • You can establish residency in Colorado for 90 days. Just because you haven’t lived here for 90 days does not mean you have to wait to start getting the paperwork together. You can still hire an attorney and get to work! Your attorney will gather all the appropriate documents and wait the three months to file for divorce.
  • If your spouse fulfills residency requirements in Colorado, you can ask them to file for divorce.
  • If you have residency in another state, you can file for divorce there.
Contact Divorce Matters for Help

If you have any questions or concerns, please reach out to us at (720) 386-9176 or click here! One of our experienced attorneys would be happy to answer your questions.

Cell Phone Forensics on the Rise in Divorce Cases

Careful what you do with your smartphones during divorce ”“ according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), approximately 97 percent of members have reported an increase in the amount of evidence taken from smartphones and other wireless devices in the last few years.

A lot can be gleaned from smartphones that could be relevant in a divorce case. Text messages are the most frequently used, as well as emails, phone numbers, call history, internet browser searches and GPS location information.

One underutilized resource for obtaining information is apps. Everyone uses them, and even game apps such as Words with Friends could have information relevant to a divorce. Many games have a built-in chat function, making these apps just as valuable as text messages when used as evidence. Other apps like Snapchat, Google Maps and Tinder (for obvious reasons) could be used to gather data for a divorce case.

Protecting Your Smartphone Data in Divorce

If you are going through a divorce, you should be very careful with what you do on your smartphone. Just like social media postings, anything you say on your phone, even to someone other than your spouse, can be used against you. Others can screenshot the things you say and your data can be subpoenaed by your spouse’s attorney. It is incredibly easy to self-incriminate through smartphone use, so use your best judgment. Likewise, if you have information relevant to your divorce that you believe can help you in your divorce, such as things your spouse said that could affect his or her custody of your children, you should present that information to a family law attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Dealing with Regret after Divorce

Divorce can be full of regret. You might feel as though you could have done more to save your marriage. You might regret things you said before, during and after the divorce. You might even regret going through with the divorce.

You don’t have to keep living with remorse; after all, a life full of regret is hardly a life at all. No matter how bad you feel about what was said or unsaid, done or not done, moving beyond regret is a healthy and necessary part of divorce recovery.

The first thing you must accept is that you make decisions based on what you know at the moment. Hindsight is 20/20, they say, and it is easy to get enveloped with the idea of what could have been. Try to remember what it was like when you made the decision, and then decide now what you want to do. Do you want your ex back? Do you want to start dating again? Do you want to take the kids to Disneyworld or kick back with some ice cream, friends and a good movie? Deciding how to move forward helps you put your regrets in the past. When you are looking back, you can’t see what’s up ahead.

Try to learn a lesson from whatever caused your regrets. There will come a time where you will be in a similar situation as before ”“ a fight with a significant other, or a conversation where you say something you did not mean. Applying the knowledge of what went wrong in the past allows you to avoid similar scenarios moving forward.

Learn. Act. Forgive and keep your eyes forward to the new days ahead.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

How to Deal with the Ex’s New Partner

The emotional rollercoaster ride of divorce does not end with the signing of documents. The after-effects can be just as traumatic as the divorce itself, and one of the most tense times can be when your ex starts seeing someone else. The troubles are only magnified when children are involved, especially when your ex’s new partner is going to become a big part of the childrens’ lives.

Having a new authority figure can be difficult for children to deal with. Sometimes the kids will hate the new person; other times, the kids could like him or her. Both sides present unique emotional challenges, so here are a few tips to help your children when a new boyfriend or girlfriend enters the picture.

The Kids Like Him/Her!

If the kids get along with the new partner, you can at least rest assured that the kids are not miserable while with your ex. But the new partner might interfere with your own ability to parent; for example, perhaps the new partner allows your children to do something you don’t agree with, like drinking soda or swimming without supervision. In these situations, it is best to present yourself as a positive person. Never speak ill of the new partner in front of the children. If you have real concerns, the person to speak to is your ex; after all, the kids are his responsibility, too.

You might also consider getting to know this new partner. Having an amicable relationship with him or her can allow you to judge personally whether your children are going to have problems.

The Kids Hate Him/Her!

Unfortunately, a new partner can really upset children. They might feel like your ex does not spend enough time with them, or maybe that the new partner is mean. If the partner has his or her own children, your kids might not get along with them. Again, the person to bring up your concerns with is your ex. Keep the conversation focused on what is best for the children, and if the childrens’ issues with the new partner are serious enough to present danger to the kids, whether emotional or physical, you might consider speaking with your family law attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys