How to Handle Visitation with Teenagers

When your child reaches adolescence, you might find that the terms of visitation you worked out while he or she was younger no longer work in the child’s interest. If your divorce is recent and you already have teenagers, the prospect of working out a schedule that allows you, your ex and your child’s lives to balance can be daunting.

When plotting a visitation schedule for teens, you have to take into account what your teen wants. Teens have to balance time between friends, school, sports and other extracurriculars, dating and work. If your visitation schedule precludes any of these things, in all likelihood you will be met with resentment on top of the already monumental task of raising teens.

This time can be especially difficult for a non-custodial parent. Teen schedules can be hectic; school from morning to afternoon, extracurriculars until 5pm, work even later. Because the non-custodial parent has limited time, it is important to set up some minimum time per month with the non-custodial parent.

If your teen has some event during your visitation time ”“ a dance, for example, on a Saturday night when you have custody ”“ don’t tell the teen they can’t attend because you want to see them. Take them to the dance yourself, and pick them up ”“ be flexible, and spend what time you can with them.

During this period of independence and self-realization, it is still important that you see your teen, and your teen will appreciate your willingness to compromise to allow him or her to pursue his or her own growth.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

How Can I Keep My Car during Divorce?

One thing that can be overlooked when preparing or undergoing a divorce is the question of who keeps the car. This can get especially heated in situations where the couple only owns one vehicle, so we’ve taken the time to field some questions about how divorce affects car ownership.

Q: If the car was purchased after our marriage, who gets to keep it?

A: The car is considered marital property and is subject to equitable division of marital assets.

Q: Can I keep my car if the car is in my spouse’s name?

A: Generally speaking, the name on the title does not determine absolute ownership of the car. It could still be considered marital property, especially if purchased during a marriage. If the car is purchased prior to marriage, there could still be a portion of equity in the car that is marital and subject to division. For these situations, it is wise to speak with a divorce attorney as well as your spouse to determine who gets to keep the car. If working this issue out with your ex is going to be contentious, consider divorce mediation.

Q: If both of our names are on the title, how do I get possession of the car?

A: You are probably going to have to work this one out with your spouse, but if he or she refuses to give up the vehicle, you can ask for a court order to take possession of the vehicle. The court will enter an interim order for exclusive rights to certain property. Once a final order of possession is entered, the party not keeping the car will be ordered to sign over the title.

Q: If my spouse bought me a car as a wedding gift, will I have to give it back to him or her?

A: Gifts can be considered separate property and thus not subject to equitable division. However, even if a car is purchased by one party and given to the other party, it can still be considered a marital asset subject to division. Gifts from one spouse to the other during a marriage cannot be presumed to be gifts. There must be an intention and acceptance of the gift as separate property.

Q: We shared a car during our marriage, and I still have a spare key. Is it legal for me to go and take the car?

A: It’s a bad idea. Aside from the legal implications of such an act, especially if your name is not on the title for the car, this could lead to animosity between you and your ex, which is something that you do not need more of during a divorce. If your name is on the title, then you do have an ownership interest; however, it is still best to discuss the car with a divorce attorney rather than taking the car outright. If the court has already given exclusive right to the car to one spouse, the other is not permitted to take the car.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Co-Parenting during Special Occasions

All too often, the idea of a shared event in a child’s life ”“ for example, a birthday or a graduation ”“ can bring anxiety to divorced parents when they realize they will have to see their exes at the occasion. No doubt you want to be present for your child’s achievement, and the child benefits from the affirmation of both parents attending. But the logistics of the visit can be harsh, especially if you do not see eye to eye with your ex.

When tensions are high between you and your ex, there are constructive ways of dealing with it that can help prevent a flare up between the two of you. One way is by creating buffers ”“ arriving early to find separate seating, for example, or inviting friends and family to dissipate the negative atmosphere. This limited contact can keep animosity out of the picture so that both you and your ex can do what you are supposed to ”“ support and recognize your child’s achievements.

If you plan on celebrating post-event and your ex will be present, do your best to maintain a low key attitude toward your ex. Light conversation and focusing on the child will help keep your issues with your ex under wraps ”“ this is definitely not a time to discuss child support or other divorce-related contentions. This is another place where having other friends and relatives present can help ”“ if you can keep your child talking, you can avoid awkwardness with your ex.

You could also consider holding celebrations separately. Graduation parties, for example, can be held on different days with different sides of the family.

No matter what, these days are not about you or your ex. They are about your child. Placing your focus on him or her is the easiest way to avoid conflict.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

How to Deal with the Ex’s New Partner

The emotional rollercoaster ride of divorce does not end with the signing of documents. The after-effects can be just as traumatic as the divorce itself, and one of the most tense times can be when your ex starts seeing someone else. The troubles are only magnified when children are involved, especially when your ex’s new partner is going to become a big part of the childrens’ lives.

Having a new authority figure can be difficult for children to deal with. Sometimes the kids will hate the new person; other times, the kids could like him or her. Both sides present unique emotional challenges, so here are a few tips to help your children when a new boyfriend or girlfriend enters the picture.

The Kids Like Him/Her!

If the kids get along with the new partner, you can at least rest assured that the kids are not miserable while with your ex. But the new partner might interfere with your own ability to parent; for example, perhaps the new partner allows your children to do something you don’t agree with, like drinking soda or swimming without supervision. In these situations, it is best to present yourself as a positive person. Never speak ill of the new partner in front of the children. If you have real concerns, the person to speak to is your ex; after all, the kids are his responsibility, too.

You might also consider getting to know this new partner. Having an amicable relationship with him or her can allow you to judge personally whether your children are going to have problems.

The Kids Hate Him/Her!

Unfortunately, a new partner can really upset children. They might feel like your ex does not spend enough time with them, or maybe that the new partner is mean. If the partner has his or her own children, your kids might not get along with them. Again, the person to bring up your concerns with is your ex. Keep the conversation focused on what is best for the children, and if the childrens’ issues with the new partner are serious enough to present danger to the kids, whether emotional or physical, you might consider speaking with your family law attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Divorce Tips for Stay-at-Home Moms

Stay-at-home moms may feel particularly vulnerable after a divorce rears its head, especially when it comes to financial decisions. Without a steady income, it can be incredibly stressful to think of the impending future following divorce.

There are several methods you can utilize that can help buffer your bank account. Being a single mom is expensive, but you could seek child support and alimony (spousal support or maintenance) to keep you afloat while you readjust your life through going to school school or searching for a job. It will be a difficult road, but you must find a way to become self-sufficient, and these financial boosts will help relieve stress while you make your way toward the new way of life.

You might fear that your time as a stay-at-home mom may have left you without any marketable skills, but actually, there are many skills that moms can transfer into the job marketplace! Mothers can be excellent organizers, time management specialists and negotiators, not to mention great listeners, communicators and multi-taskers. Mothers are by definition teachers and motivators ”“ don’t think that staying at home has left you unskilled!

If you are having trouble finding a job quickly, there are several freelance and virtual opportunities that can supplement your income while you seek fulltime employment. If you wish to earn a degree but don’t have time to spend away from the kids, you can pursue online courses in your desired field.

Moms are strong ”“ so don’t give up! If you have any questions about women’s issues during divorce, check out our page on the subject or contact a family law attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Dating after Divorce

You might feel pressured post-divorce to start dating again. Perhaps your friends or relatives might encourage you, or you might feel stressed at the prospect of spending time alone. But figuring out when you are ready to date is a decision you should make for yourself, not to placate your social circle.

Here are some tips to follow when dating post-divorce:

  • It’s up to you when to start dating again, not your calendar. Some people might be ready after a month or two, while some take years. Work through your feelings before diving back into the dating scene.
  • If you’re still thinking about what your ex is doing or who he or she is dating, you are probably still too distracted for a healthy relationship.
  • Accept yourself as an individual. Being in a relationship should not define your identity. Take some time to explore life on your own terms, as jumping into a new relationship just to avoid being single is unhealthy for you and unfair to your dating partners.
  • Especially when you’ve been involved in a long-term relationship, you may find that the dating scene has changed since you were last involved. Nowadays it is not uncommon to utilize online dating sites, which take some of the guesswork out of finding other singles. If you are ready to date, don’t shun online options as nontraditional ”“ they are rapidly becoming the norm.
  • Dating is an adult decision. It is fine to worry about how your children might perceive you dating other people, but don’t let them stop you if you feel ready to date again. Do be careful ”“ your children are also coping with your divorce, and being too flagrant or quick with your children meeting new partners can cause a backlash. You should only introduce your children to a potential partner that has long-term prospects, and when you do so, you should ease your children into the idea of having that person around.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Five Lessons From Celebrity Breakups

It doesn’t matter who you are, how many people you know (or know you), or how much money you make. Everyone, regardless of fame or fortune, will face the same life lessons in patience and strength when going through a divorce. Celebrity does not make the emotional and psychological challenges any easier, and it is likely that the media scrutiny exacerbates them. However, because celebrity divorces are so public, there are many ways we can learn from them.

Let us take a quick look at popular culture for some lessons we can learn from celebrity breakups:

  • Your posts or tweets can strike back. Rumors of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore’s split went viral after a few suspicious activities on Facebook and Twitter that caught discerning eyes. We also learned from Anthony Weiner’s Twitter indiscretions that social media is not the slightest bit private, and quite possibly the poorest forum for proving fidelity. While many of us have a perception of privacy when we’re on Facebook or Twitter, that perception isn’t reality. Not only are they not private, they are not fleeting, like we often believe. Nothing on the internet really ever disappears, and what you post or tweet may come back to hurt you later on.
  • Always keep an open mind towards ending your relationship peaceably. Kelsey and Camille Grammar had a very public and bitter divorce, with mud slung around from both sides”¦right up until the last moment. Their conflict came to a close with an amicable settlement that ended the relationship sooner than anticipated, leaving Mr. Grammar free to re-marry within a matter of weeks. Even though it feels like the person you once loved is now your worst enemy, try to overcome your anger and bitterness, especially when children are involved. Remember that although you may no longer be married to a person, it is highly unlikely that your contact will cease the day the Judge signs the Decree. You may be sharing custody of children or continue running a business with your soon-to-be-ex in the future. Remember it is possible to resolve your differences and end the relationship amicably, which is a positive for everyone involved.
  • Finances are one of the hardest hurdles you will face. Whether you make millions from blockbuster films or have a middle-class income, the subject of maintenance, which was once called alimony, is often one of the biggest sources of contention in a marriage. Maintenance, which does not include child support, requires agreeing on a “fair” amount for one spouse to pay another, and for what time period. This is often a very difficult mountain to climb. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, after 25 years of marriage, are struggling with this very topic. Though Arnold has not contested child support, he has objected to paying spousal support and Maria’s attorney fees. Money can quickly make bitter enemies. While child support is calculated by statute, it is very common for parties to quibble about the factors that go into a calculation. Parenting time and gross monthly income are not as cut and dry as one might think. It is important to find the right attorney, financial advisor, and support system that can help you protect your interests. It is also important to make sure your team will go about handling maintenance in a respectful and civil way that protects all parties to the process.
  • Life will go on, and things will get better. When you are going through a divorce, it can seem like your whole life revolves around it. It can be hard to look beyond the stress and see improvement in the future. But it does come. Look at Jennifer Lopez and Marc Antony, for example. Both seemed visibly shaken by the divorce, after all, celebrities are people, too! However, both have moved on, with Jennifer moving into new high profile ventures and Mark choosing to ramp up his singing career.
  • And then there is Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian. There is little wisdom that we can glean from Kim’s and Kris’ short stint in matrimony, except of course, that having the first months of marriage filmed for a reality show may not be the best idea. However, it’s certainly been good for the tabloid business.

Conclusion

Every day, we see stories about famous couples getting married and getting divorced. Fame and fortune do not make things easier. However, because their lives are so public, perhaps there are a few things we can learn from them to apply to our own experiences and circumstances. We can see the mistakes and pitfalls to which celebrities so often succumb, and hopefully by doing so, we can avoid them ourselves. Most importantly, we can also learn from famous couples who handle a very difficult divorce with dignity and maturity, even when it is the hardest thing to do.

Annulment or Divorce: What’s The Difference?

When speaking with couples who want to legally end their marriages, we sometimes get questions about annulment instead of divorce. Often, people assume that annulments are less expensive, simpler, or less contentious.

Sometimes, people are seeking an annulment instead of divorce for religious purposes, as well. Regardless of the reasons behind seeking an annulment instead of a divorce, Colorado has very specific qualifications for couples seeking annulment.

What’s the difference between an annulment and a divorce?

A divorce puts an end to your marriage legally, so you are no longer recognized as married. On the other hand, an annulment means that your marriage was invalid and never existed. If you are entitled to and receive an annulment, in all records and legal documentation, an annulment makes it so that””for all intents and purposes””your marriage never existed.

So what’s required for an annulment?

Because this is a drastic step””declaring that you were never really married””Colorado’s requirements for annulment are very specific and have to fall within strict timelines. In Colorado, you can only get an annulment if:

  • One party was mentally incapacitated and was not legally able to consent to the marriage. This could be mental illness, or a drug or alcohol addiction. This requirement must be reported within 6 months of discovery.
  • The marriage was not consummated because one party was physically incapable. However, this requirement actually only applies if the other party was unaware of the physical disability when the marriage was initiated. This requirement must be reported within 12 months of discovery.
  • If one party was not yet 18 when married and did not have a guardian’s permission. This requirement must be reported within 24 months and must be reported by the underage party or his/her guardian.
  • The marriage was initiated under false pretenses, such as one party misrepresenting himself or herself, the marriage was forced under duress, and/or occurred under false pretenses.
  • Your spouse was already married. This actually voids the marriage because the marriage was never legal in the first place.
  • The marriage is incestuous.

Legal Steps

Individuals who pursue an annulment instead of a divorce still need to address and resolve nearly all of the same issues as a divorce””particularly as they relate to joint property, maintenance fees, or child custody. The process often takes the same amount of time as a divorce and follows many of the same steps. To apply in the first place, one or the other of you needs to have lived in Colorado for at least 30 days or you must have been married in Colorado, and you will need to apply in the county where you reside.

The initial step in petitioning the Court for a declaration of invalidity is to file a petition, summons and case information sheet, and pay the filing fee in the court that you reside in. You may also need to complete additional forms, such as a sworn financial statement, parenting plan, and separation agreement””similar forms to those filed for a divorce, depending on your individual circumstances. After you file your petition, your spouse will have an opportunity to file a response.

After this response period, you may need to complete additional forms, depending on the specific facts of your case before scheduling and attending your final hearing. At the hearing, the judge or magistrate will grant or deny your annulment, and will also enter other orders that may be necessary to deal with joint property, debts, assets, and children.

Conclusion

While some people think getting an annulment would be simpler or cheaper than getting a divorce, in reality, this is not the case. If you are seeking an annulment, look into it carefully before making that leap. In many cases, you may not meet the requirements to request an annulment and will need to pursue a divorce. Annulments and divorce involve many complicated issues and””while you can pursue them on your own””the advice of an attorney could save you money, time and stress.

How to Adjust Colorado Alimony Obligations

If there is one constant in life, it is that life always changes. Layoffs, retirement, career changes, remarriage, changes with an aging parent, or illness – all of these can have an impact on how you live your life and how you manage your financial obligations. For divorced couples and parents, these changes are further complicated because of maintenance or spousal support obligations.

We frequently work with people who need to reduce their maintenance payments. We also work with people who need to seek an increase in the maintenance they receive. The need to change these payments can vary, but Colorado alimony modifications are as much a fact of life as constant change.

Maintenance Defined

In Colorado, alimony or maintenance refers to spousal support  and is usually seen in cases that involve a long-term marriage, or a case where one spouse has been able to make significantly more than the other – as in the case of a stay-at-home parent.

Whether or not one is entitled to maintenance initially is governed under §14-10-114 of the Colorado Revised Statutes. An initial award of maintenance is not always required in a divorce, and a determination of entitlement (amount and duration) is case specific. When maintenance is awarded or agreed upon as part of a divorce, all terms regarding the amount and duration are specified.

There is also the question of taxation regarding paying or receiving alimony. To make it simple: if you are paying alimony, your payments are NOT tax deductible, and if you are receiving alimony, your payments will NOT be taxed as income. Alimony is different than child support: child support IS considered income, which will reduce alimony payments for the receiving spouse.

How to Determine the Amount You Will Receive

Many factors come into play when determining if and how much alimony you may pay or receive. Financial situation and earning capacity, duration of marriage, and physical condition (age, illness, etc.) all influence alimony payments. Not every divorcee qualifies for Colorado alimony, which can be temporary or “permanent” depending on the court’s opinion of both divorcees’ needs. Divorce Matters® offers a free calculator to give you a better idea of potential payment amounts or earnings.

Substantial and Continuing Change

According to §14-10-122 of the Colorado Revised Statutes (C.R.S.), maintenance is modifiable only if there has been a substantial and continuing change. However, you should be aware that if you and your spouse, or former spouse, entered into an agreement regarding the payment of maintenance, whether or maintenance is modifiable will be determined solely on the provisions of that agreement, regardless of whether or not there has been a substantial and continuing change.

So, for example, if your agreement specifically states that “maintenance is contractual and non-modifiable” the Court will not have jurisdiction to modify maintenance even if something has changed in your life. Even if you are not bound by an agreement, the courts may not consider the change in your life to be a “continuing” change and may decline to modify maintenance. From the court’s perspective, some life obstacles are bumps in the road that are only temporary, such as lack of employment, as your finances will (hopefully) revert back to levels similar to when you negotiated your maintenance agreement.

For the court to approve a maintenance modification, you must be able to prove that the change to your financial situation is not only significant but ongoing. While temporary unemployment is not considered ongoing, income loss from a disability often is. If done properly, an out-of-court settlement involving alimony can ensure that the terms of the agreement remain the same, preventing modifications even if circumstances change or either party remarries.

Taking the First Steps

The first step is to determine whether your Colorado alimony or maintenance can be modified. In some divorces, the maintenance obligation cannot be modified. If the maintenance obligation can be changed, you need to determine whether there has been a substantial change that would support a modification.

So, what should you do if your finances have changed substantially and you can no longer meet your maintenance responsibilities?

  • Collect the right information. When you apply for modification, you will need to complete a current Sworn Financial Statement, just as you did during the divorce process. Some information that will be helpful to you while completing this statement include:
    • Tax returns from the past three years
    • W-2 or 1099s from last year
    • Current paystub
  • Refer back to your original divorce agreements. As mentioned earlier, in some divorces, the couple agrees during the divorce process that all maintenance obligations are unchangeable. One of your very first steps should be to understand what you originally agreed to. You should speak to an attorney for legal advice.
  • If you have already missed payments, pay back as much as possible as soon as possible, even if it is not the full amount. Try to demonstrate to the courts that you are making an effort to catch up on your payments, even while seeking a better maintenance agreement. If you make no payments, you may be considered uncooperative, which may reflect poorly on you during the modification process.
  • Seek legal advice. Some maintenance agreements may not be modified, but in many cases – if you can prove that your financial situation has drastically changed – it may be feasible. An attorney will be able to clarify your options. Also, because maintenance is not decided based on a formula, legal representation can help you maneuver the sticky, subjective areas in the law. The most important thing you can do is to act immediately and not wait. Modifications can only be applied back to the date that you file with the court requesting a modification of maintenance.  Courts may also look at the length of time that you waited to address the issue as part of determining whether or not the change is substantial. The longer you wait, the less effective your argument becomes that your life change was substantial.

Conclusion

Changes are going to happen in life, and when those changes affect whether or not you can continue to make your maintenance support payments, it is vital to understand what your rights and responsibilities are and to clarify all options. You will only have an opportunity at successfully modifying maintenance if you can prove that your situation has changed drastically and that the change is ongoing – such as being laid off because of an injury or illness or retirement. You must know exactly where you stand.

Colorado alimony, or spousal maintenance, is designed to provide financial support after a divorce, but it is not necessarily set in stone. Modifications are possible under the right circumstances, but they require strong legal backing and solid proof of substantial and continuing financial changes that could negatively affect you – especially if you are the one paying. If you are experiencing financial hardship, facing unexpected life changes, or simply need clarity on your maintenance obligations, taking proactive steps is crucial.

Understanding your legal options and obligations can make all the difference when it comes to modifying alimony. Whether you are seeking to reduce your payments due to job loss or requesting an increase because of unforeseen financial burdens, it is essential to act promptly and with the right representation. Delaying action may weaken your case, as courts consider both the nature of the change and how long you have waited to address it.

At Divorce Matters®, we specialize in helping individuals navigate the complexities of Colorado alimony modifications. Our experienced attorneys are ready to evaluate your situation, guide you through the legal process, and advocate for a fair outcome. We treat every client with compassion and aim to get you the best results possible. Don’t let financial uncertainty overwhelm you – contact Divorce Matters® today to discuss your case and find out how we can help you move forward with confidence. Your financial stability and future are too important to leave to chance.

Divorce Matters Overturns Wrongful Adoption, Reunites Father with Son

Recently, we handled a case that really reminded us of why our work is so important.

In this case, the mother and step-father filed for a step-parent adoption without the biological father’s consent. Along with their petition for step-parent adoption the mother and step-father filed an affidavit alleging the biological father had abandoned his son and failed to pay reasonable child support for more than a year.

A hearing was held to determine whether the father had abandoned his son and failed to pay reasonable child support and whether to grant the step-parent adoption. The father did not attend the hearing. At the hearing, the mother and step-father failed to inform the court that the father had recently filed and won, two months earlier, a hearing to enforce his parenting time and that he was exercising his parenting time with his son at the time of the hearing. They also failed to inform the court the father had repeatedly fought to enforce his parenting time for years. The court relied on the fraudulent affidavit, terminated the father’s parental rights, and granted the step-parent adoption. Thereafter, the father was not allowed to see his son.

Father, without an attorney, filed a motion to set aside the adoption based on fraud. The trial court refused to hold a hearing regarding father’s allegations that the step-parent adoption was obtained through fraud.

Divorce Matters began representing Father to reinstate his parental rights and to vacate the step-parent adoption.

First, Divorce Matters appealed to the Colorado Court of Appeals the Judge’s decision in which he refused to hold a hearing regarding father’s allegations of fraud. Divorce Matters got the Court of Appeals to reverse the Judge’s decision and the Court of Appeals sent the case back to the trial court to determine whether the adoption was obtained through fraud.

Second, Divorce Matters went to hearing and argued the step-parent adoption was obtained through fraud. The trial court agreed. The trial court found the father had not abandoned his son and that the mother and step-father fraudulently misrepresented to the court that the father had abandoned his son. The court vacated the step-parent adoption and reinstated the father’s parenting time effective immediately. After not seeing his son for almost two years, the father gets to see his son again.

This is the type of case””and outcome””we always hope to secure for our clients and remind us why we work so hard on our clients’ behalf every day.