Signs of Domestic Violence, and How to Help

Unfortunately, domestic abuse remains a serious problem in Colorado. According to the latest data provided by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), approximately 16,700 domestic violence reports are filed with law enforcement in the state each year.

Sadly, the true extent of the domestic violence problem is undoubtedly far higher than the official law enforcement numbers show ”” not only are most domestic violence cases never actually prosecuted, the vast majority of the victims never file a formal report at all.

Here, our dedicated Fort Collins divorce attorneys offer an overview of some of the warning signs of domestic abuse. In addition, we highlight three important tips that friends and family members should keep in mind if they want to help.

The Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse

It is important to remember that every domestic violence case is unique ”” abuse can take a wide range of forms, and different strategies may be required to provide useful help for different victims. Simply put, domestic abuse is extremely complicated. It is not uncommon for victims to be unsure, unaware, or in denial of the abuse. Some of the most common warning signs of domestic abuse include:

  • Controlling behavior;
  • Forced social isolation;
  • Extreme jealousy;
  • Verbal threats and intimidation; and
  • Any form of physical violence.

If you see actual injuries or other signs of physical abuse, you need to take immediate action. Of course, physical abuse can be covered up. Loved ones who suspect a problem should watch for the other warning signs of domestic violence as well.

How to Help a Domestic Violence Victim

  • Be Aware of the Situation

If you suspect domestic violence, you need to follow up on the issue. It is common to have credible suspicions without actually being entirely sure as to what is happening. The victim may even deny the abuse, or they may downplay the problem. This does not mean that you should let it go: You should always keep your eye on the situation and be ready to take action.

  • Help Them Develop a Workable Safety Plan

Dealing with domestic violence is incredibly challenging. On top of the terrible emotional issues, there are often complex logistical matters that must be resolved before a victim can get the help that they deserve. If you want to help a loved one, you must focus on assisting them in creating a workable safety plan. This includes everything from getting them to a safe location to sleep to making sure they have transportation and protection for their kids.

  • Be Ready to Seek Professional Guidance

You should always be prepared to seek professional guidance. You do not have to go through this on your own. One of the best starting points is the National Domestic Violence Hotline. For immediate assistance, you can call 1-800-799-SAFE. Free domestic abuse help is available 24/7/365.

Speak to a Domestic Violence Lawyer Today

At Divorce Matters, our compassionate Fort Collins domestic violence attorneys are committed advocates for our clients. We understand that each case is unique and we offer every person the fully individualized legal guidance that they need and deserve.

To arrange a fully private consultation, please do not hesitate to contact our legal team at (720) 580-6745. With offices in Lakewood, Greenwood Village, and Fort Collins, we serve clients in metro Denver, the Front Range, and throughout the state of Colorado.

Divorcing a Narcissist

We all have heard of narcissists and some of us have probably dealt with one at some time or another. Unfortunately, some of us may be married to one, or maybe in the process of divorcing one.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging. Narcissists are vain and think of themselves very highly. They are callous and do not care about the feelings of others. They are concerned primarily about themselves. They have a need for constant admiration as if they are a celebrity. They also feel entitled to everything and cannot handle criticism well.

So when you divorce the narcissist, be prepared to see your spouse portray himself or herself at the victim and you as the most horrible person in the world. While this portrayal will likely make you extremely upset, the worst thing you can do is react emotionally. Why? Because narcissists don’t care about the feelings of others. You’re just making things worse for yourself.

A narcissist will try to take the divorce all the way to court to let a judge decide. This seems like a poor strategy, but in the eyes of the narcissist, it’s better to have an unfavorable outcome when someone else has the control than to give up control unwillingly. This may not make sense at all, but that’s how the mind of a narcissist works.

Divorce Tips

So what can you do to avoid your spouse’s drama and get your divorce finalized quickly? Here are some suggestions:

  • Let your lawyer know about your narcissistic spouse. Most lawyers have experience dealing with this type of person, but if not, find someone who is. You need to have the right strategy.
  • Establish goals.What do you want to accomplish in the end? Determine what battles you want to fight, because some are small and not worth fighting.
  • Listen and ask questions. Don’t have preconceived ideas. Learn more about your spouse’s point of view and set reasonable expectations.
  • Document everything. Your spouse will tell lies. You can negate these lies by having receipts and other documents to back up your claims.
  • Be objective. Play devil’s advocate. What arguments will your spouse use against you to make you look like the bad guy? Think ahead so your lawyer can help you avoid hurting your case.
  • Be reasonable. Your spouse wants you to enrage you. Don’t let him or her do it. Don’t think with your feelings. Use law and facts to create an argument that is logical and reasonable.

Contact a Denver Divorce Attorney Today

Being married to a narcissist can be frustrating, but divorcing one can be even worse. Your spouse will try to manipulate you and refuse to settle outside of court. He or she will make your divorce a nightmare. Get help by contacting the family law professionals at Divorce Matters. We can help create an agreement that will allow you to settle outside of court without the drama. Request a consultation today by contacting Divorce Matters online or by calling (720) 463-1232.

You Are Not Invited to Violate a Restraining Order

Civil protection orders, which are called restraining orders, can be issued on a temporary or permanent basis. Many times the parties are not strangers and have or had some type of relationship. It could be any familiar relationship such as husband-wife, boyfriend and girlfriend or similar relationships. When actual violence or threats of violence cause one party to get a civil restraining order, the relationship often does not end. But that does not mean the restraining order can be violated.
Not even if you’re invited. Not by writing, not by text, not even by Fed Ex. Not email, not by snail mail, not by thumbnail. According to the Colorado Court of Appeals, the other party can never consent to the violation of a restraining order. Even if they give consent, it’s not valid. So if your ex- wife has a restraining order with a no contact provision and then tells you its ok to contact her, it’s not. Not even if she sends it to you in writing by certified mail.
Many people find this confusing. How can you violate a restraining order if the other party agrees to it? Because consent of the court is required, not consent of the parties. This is meant to keep an abuser from bullying the other party into consent, which can lead to more bullying.

7 Things to Know About Compromising Photos

If you are or have been in a relationship for an extended period, you may have sent some less-than-appropriate photographs to your significant other. While this is not illegal (unless you’re sending them to someone who is underage), sharing these photos on social media and through text messages to friends, family, and co-workers is. Below, you will find our list of seven things you need to know about compromising photos from your ex.

1. It’s a crime to share them

This means posting, emailing, texting, snapping, or  sending them in any way. In Colorado, it is a misdemeanor to distribute or post compromising photos with the intent to harass them. The prosecutor must show the photos were posted with the “intent to harass and inflict severe emotional distress” and that the photos were posted without consent and the posting actually inflicted severe emotional distress.   That sounds like a great burden for the prosecutor, but juries and judges may have very little tolerance for this.

2. It’s a Crime If You Post the Photos For Money or “Pecuniary Gain”

In this case, the prosecutor just has to show the photos were private and that they were posted for money. There is not any need to show harassment or emotional distress. Posting your ex-s photos for money is a misdemeanor.

3. It’s  a Civil Cause of Action

In other words, you can be sued for posting the photos. The law provides the victim can sue for the greater of $10,000 or actual damages plus attorney’s fees.  The court can also order that the photos be removed.

4. The Laws That Protect Compromising Photos of You are Called “Revenge Porn” Laws

That notion was that people were posting the “porn” to seek revenge on their ex.  The photos though don’t have to be pornographic, but they do have to reveal “private parts.”

5. The Photographer Loses Any Commercial Copyright

Typically, the copyright belongs to the photographer not the subject of the photo, but under the revenge porn laws, the photographer loses any right to those photos.

6. It May Not Protect Celebrities in Colorado

Both the criminal and civil laws do not apply to newsworthy events. So, if you photographed your ex naked while publically protesting fur coats, you can sell that photo and post away.  The news worth exception seems to go farther and covers “public figures” and persons of “fame ”¦ that shape events.”  Sorry Black Chyna and Paris Hilton, you may not be covered in Colorado.

7. Cheaters Are Covered

Yeah, there’s no exception for cheating. So, if you caught your ex cheating and have photographic proof. I wouldn’t post that either. There no moral clause in this statute and all compromising photo are covered.

Contact a Denver Divorce Attorney Today

It is important to remember that these kinds of things apply to all situations and not just after you break up or get divorced. Posting photos of someone (especially compromising ones) without their express permission is illegal. If you’ve experienced “revenge porn” or anything similar, contact an experienced Denver family law attorney to help you determine the next steps you should take!

Civil Protection Orders and Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a very real and unfortunate reality for hundreds of thousands all over the United States. Getting help from family or emergency services is one of the first steps you need to take, but what comes next? Civil protection orders are a great place to start! Here are five things you need to know about civil protection orders and domestic violence in Colorado.

1. A Civil Protection Order Can Be Issued By Just About Any Court

Even a municipal court can issue a temporary civil restraining order. All courts have “original and concurrent jurisdiction.” Meaning that a court hearing your divorce does not have to hear the restraining order claim. Even if a district court judge just ruled your ex-husband can have parenting time this weekend, a municipal court judge could issue a restraining order prohibiting that parenting time by restraining you.

2. A Temporary Restraining Order Can Be Issued to Protect From “Domestic Abuse”, “Stalking”, and “Threatened Harm”

There does not have to have been an actual event resulting in harm for a restraining order to issue. Emails, texts, calls, snap chats and other forms of communication all can be staking or threatening and may even be domestic abuse.

3. The Alleged Perpetrator Does Not Have Any Right to Be Present When a Judge Decides to Issue a Temporary Restraining Order

Yes, you can be temporarily restrained from your own home or restrained from seeing your children without ever being given the opportunity to speak. A temporary restraining order can, in court language, be granted “ex parte.”

4. No Criminal Proceedings Are Necessary

In fact, there doesn’t even have to be a report or complaint filed with law enforcement. A court has the right to restrain someone even if criminal charges will never be filed.

5. You cannot return to your residence if you are temporarily restrained

The “protected” people don’t have to leave. The restrained person has the right to return to the shared residence only to get “undisputed” personal effects to live with until a court hearing and only if accompanied by law enforcement.

Contact a Denver Domestic Violence Attorney

If you have any questions regarding domestic violence, civil protection orders, or any other family law issues, don’t hesitate to contact our domestic violence attorneys today!

Top 3 Things to Know About a Domestic Violence Arrest

Domestic violence is an unfortunate reality for people all throughout the United States. The reason that domestic violence is such a problem is that the guilty party is usually the partner of the victim and they still feel too much emotional attachment to that person to call the police and get them arrested. They may also feel fear. They may worry about that person will react when they find out, so they keep the emotional and physical bruises hidden away. The first step to getting out of this kind of situation is to get the proper help, which usually starts with a helpline and/or the police. Here are the top three things you need to know if your partner is arrested on domestic violence charges.

An Arrest is Mandatory

Colorado criminal statutes require the police to arrest “without undue delay” whenever they have probable cause to believe that domestic violence has occurred. You do not get to pass go and collect $200. You must go directly to jail.  The law states “the arrested person shall be removed from the scene of the arrest and shall be taken to the peace officer’s station for booking.”

There’s No “Get Out of Jail Free” Card

With a domestic violence charge, you cannot be released on a bond until the prosecutors consult with the victim.  Domestic violence is a “Victim Rights Act” case.  The prosecutor cannot dismiss the charges without consulting with the victim and cannot release you from jail on a bond without consulting with the victim.  If you are arrested on Friday, most likely you will be jail until Monday because the prosecutor must at least attempt to contact the victim before a bond is set.

Plea Bargaining Can Be Difficult

A domestic violence charge cannot be reduced or changed to a non-domestic violence charge unless the prosecutor stated on the record they cannot establish a preliminary case and the judge accepts that statement.

Get in Touch With a Denver Domestic Violence Attorney

The arrest of a spouse can be very difficult no matter what the situation that led to the arrest was. The domestic violence attorneys at Divorce Matters can help you as your family moves forward after these events. Give us a call today at 720-542-6142.

Domestic Violence Laws in Colorado

Colorado has a very broad criminal definition of domestic violence.  This is designed to provide the greatest amount of protection for a victim of domestic violence and gives the police the greatest latitude to arrest someone.  Colorado criminal law defines domestic violence as “an act or threatened an act of violence upon a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship.”  As you can see this is a very broad definition.

It’s Not Just Married Couples

An intimate relationship does not mean you have to be married. It applies to couples and even boyfriends and girlfriends, it even applies to past lovers as well as the present.  It also applies to children, grandchildren, and others present in the household. Again, the idea provides maximum protection to the broadest possible group living in a household or making up a domestic unit.

Recognizing Domestic Violence

Because Domestic Violence includes a “threatened act” of violence very common situations can be construed as a criminal act including:

  • Throwing things at someone
  • Grabbing or pushing
  • Following someone around
  • Threatening or harassing phone calls.

There does not have to be actual physical touching or even physical harm. The threat of harm can be enough and the threat of harm does not have to be in person. Emails, phone calls, text messages are all sufficient to be charged with domestic violence crime.   Texts to Ex’s can be domestic violence if they are threatening or harassing.

Contact a Denver Domestic Violence Lawyer for Help

If you feel like you are in domestic violence situation, call the police or reach out to the appropriate helpline to get the help you need. Don’t let an abusive partner control your life, get out of the bad situations and let the family law attorneys at Divorce Matters help!

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Abuse Victims Should Not Have To Continue Enduring Abuse For Fear Of Deportation

A woman in El Paso seeking refuge from her alleged abuser met with a chilling fate ”“ ICE agents waiting at the courthouse to deport her. The woman went to a courthouse to seek a protective order, but her alleged abuser had apparently reported her to Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Shortly after obtaining the protective order, ICE swooped in and arrested the woman.

It’s easy to jump to conclusions about the case, but this does a disservice to victims of abuse everywhere. Domestic violence victims are entitled to protection from violent abusers and should not have to continue to experience abuse for fear of deportation. To arrest a woman in such a precarious situation after she sought help (one of the most difficult things for abuse victims to do) could set a precedent that discourages other abuse victims from seeking help.

Additionally, if ICE was indeed tipped off by the alleged abuser, then her arrest may be in violation of certain provisions of the 1994 Violence Against Women Act that protects undocumented women when reporting perpetrators, according to the director of the University of Texas’ Immigration Clinic.

If a person needs an order of protection, they should come speak to our attorneys and we can review all options they have. The attorney-client privilege applies even in cases involving undocumented parties. Our attorneys are not police officers and we are not out to get you. Everything told to an attorney is confidential and a person’s legal status will not be reported to a government agency. If you are suffering from domestic abuse, you should not be afraid to discuss protections with an attorney.

Our Denver family lawyers have seen the struggles of women suffering abuse and will use every legal avenue possible to protect them from their abusers.

No One Deserves to Be Beaten: What We Want You to Know About Violent Relationships

Since Internet history can be easily tracked and used to further endanger your life, we highly suggest reading this post in “incognito” or “private browsing” mode, and noting how to quickly exit the page.

Hopefully, the video of NFL running back Ray Rice beating his now-wife unconscious in an elevator will ignite a long-overdue conversation on the seriousness of domestic violence. Hopefully, his suspension and the resulting media storm won’t jeopardize his wife’s welfare again. And hopefully, the fallout from Rice’s despicable actions will not further silence other victims fearing similar repercussions for their own loved ones.

The truth is nearly 1 in 4 American women””and 1 in 7 American men– experience some sort of physical, sexual, or psychological abuse at the hands of their partner. We’re not interested in rehashing statistics though. Here’s what we really want you to know:

It is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY for a spouse/fiancée/boyfriend to slap, hit, beat, or burn you in any way. A violent outburst is NOT something you brought upon yourself, nor is it a sign of affection, and you are NOT the only person who can “save” him or her.

If you are being abused and aren’t ready to terminate the relationship just yet, at least consider putting together a safety plan so you can protect yourself in heated situations. This would include memorizing phone numbers for friends, hotlines, and shelters; devising an escape route for exiting your home; tucking an overnight bag with a little money and copies of important documents in your car or office; and even contemplating some safe zones (quick exits, no access to weapons) within your own house. You may also want to download a safety app onto your smartphone, such as Circle of 6 or ASPIRE News, to quickly alert emergency contacts when you need support.

Once you are prepared to end the relationship, please leave the shared home IMMEDIATELY. A lawyer, police officer, or women’s shelter can later help you get a restraining or protective order, gain temporary custody of the children, and possibly file assault or harassment charges. If you are able, please take photographs of any injuries, have the hospital document your visit, save threatening voicemails, and record all instances of abusive behavior to solidify your case.

Incidentally, non-US citizens do have legal rights when it comes to domestic violence and can still get urgent assistance. Casa de Esperanza, for example, offers a 24-hour crisis line (linea de crisis 24-horas) in Spanish at 651.772.1611. The domestic violence hotline (1.800.799.SAFE) is another powerful resource to keep handy in case a co-worker, relative, or friend is in an abusive relationship.

Above all, please realize you do have options and that you are not in this alone; we’re one of many who are here for you no matter what.

Other Important Resources:
Ӣ How to Stay Safe in a Rural Area
Ӣ Domestic Violence Against Men: Know the Signs
”¢ Directory of Women’s Shelters in Colorado