Tips on How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

Domestic Violence is extremely complex and the first thing to know is that it is never your fault for being mistreated. You deserve respect, love, safety, and happiness, no matter what your abuser might say. That being said, it is also not your fault if you are not yet ready to leave your abusive partner. It is an incredibly difficult thing to do and takes a lot of planning. If you are ready to start planning to leave, hopefully, you will find some of these tips helpful in your planning. Just know that you are not alone and you are right in doing whatever you find necessary in your situation.

Protecting Yourself While Still in Your Home

While you are making your plans to leave, it is important to still be able to keep yourself and your children safe.

  1. Know What Triggers Your Abuser: Pay attention to what sets your abuser off. This could give you time to get out of the house before your abuser gets angry.
  2. Find Safe Spaces: Whether the safe spaces are in your own home or with a neighbor, friend, or family member, know where you can go to hide out for a little while.
  3. Know Who You Can Go To: In relation to the above point, it is important to know who you can go to for help. This can be anyone that you trust and know is able to help you.

Make an Escape Plan

  1. Make and Memorize a List of Contacts: If you may have to leave without many of your belongings, it is important to have phone numbers that you can call from a public phone or a borrowed phone. Include all of your trusted friends, neighbors, and family members that you know you can go to.
  2. Gather Important Documents: Gather any documents you will need to start your life over again and keep them in a safe place. You should include your birth certificate, social security card, driver’s license or ID, and some money. If you have children and will bring them with you, you should gather these same documents for your children.
  3. Pack a “Go Bag”: If it is possible to pack a bag and keep it hidden, do so. Pack some emergency cash and the documents mentioned above, as well as the important phone numbers you have gathered and a few changes of clothes. Do not feel bad if you cannot pack a bag like this. It is not possible for everyone, especially if they are leaving abruptly or in an emergency.

Once You Have Left

  1. Find a Place You Can Stay: Whether that place is with someone you know, love, and trust or at a Domestic Violence or Homeless Shelter, find a place that you will be safe from your abuser. They will often try to find you after you have left.
  2. Change Your Passwords: If your abuser has any access to your accounts, change your passwords. You don’t want them to have access to your social media, bank accounts, etc.
  3. Get a New Phone (Or Change Your Number): This is mostly for your own sense of safety. This way your abuser will not be able to contact you. Keep your new phone number to yourself, except when absolutely necessary.

Call an Attorney

Why would you call an attorney? They can offer a variety of services to you to help you in the case of domestic violence. Here at Divorce Matters, we help domestic violence victims obtain civil protection orders (which people know more commonly as “Restraining Orders”), as well as get divorce proceedings started. Both of these services offer protection to a victim of domestic violence by making their abuse known to the legal system. You can learn more about how an attorney can help a victim of domestic violence by watching Ashlee Shaw Gonzales’ Ask an Attorney video. Please know that if you would like to reach out to Divorce Matters, we are more than happy to make our communications to you discreet. Just let us know about your situation and how you would like to communicate with us to keep you safe.

Domestic Violence Shelters in the Area

Not everyone has family or friends in the area who is able to help them escape a domestic violence situation. It is often an abuser’s goal to cut their victim off from their family and friends. If this is you, know that you still have options to help you get back on your feet. Domestic Violence Shelters are a great option and often offer services to help victims get jobs, new clothes, health services, babysitting, and legal help. Some in the Denver area are listed here:

SafeHouse Denver Domestic Violence Services

Rose Andom Center 

Mary’s Center Women’s Shelter

Are Same-Sex Divorces Handled the Same As Heterosexual Divorces?

With tides having turned in the struggle for LGBTQ+ marriage rights over the last decade, often questions about whether there are any differences when it comes to marriage for same-sex couples arise. Are these marriages the same as heterosexual marriages? And what about the divorces?

How is same-sex divorce different from a divorce between a heterosexual couple?

Because same-sex marriage is legal in Colorado there is virtually no difference between same-sex divorce and heterosexual divorce. This means that you can either be a petitioner and respondent or petitioner and co-petitioner. After that, the divorce will proceed as a heterosexual divorce would.

How will child support and custody factor into a same-sex divorce?

Because many same-sex couples have children, this is a question that is often at the forefront of the couples’ minds. However, the court will proceed as they would for any divorce. Regardless of whether or not the child is biologically yours, or adopted by one or both parents, the court will determine parenting time based on the best interests of the child. If both parents are adoptive parents, they are both treated as if they are legal parents to the children. This is the same if one party is the biological parent and one party is an adoptive parent.

Additionally, child support will be calculated using the same calculation as in any other child support situation. If you’re curious what child support might look like in your particular set of circumstances, check out our calculator.

If you are interested in common law marriage divorce or divorce for LGBTQIA+ couples, you can learn more here. You can also find more materials discussing same-sex marriage on our website.

Who Makes Religious Decisions for My Child?

In the midst of making a parenting agreement, the thought of religion can often fall to the wayside while parenting time and holidays take precedent. However, religion can be incredibly important. But who gets to make the religious decisions for your child?

What is the difference between religious activity and religious indoctrination?

When discussing religious decisions, it is important to make the distinction between religious activities and religious indoctrination. Indoctrination is the introduction of religion. This includes events like Bar or Bat Mitzvahs, First Communions, Baptisms, and Confirmations. Religious activities, on the other hand, are any activities that include religion, like church services, temple services, prayers, or bible study.

 
Religious Indoctrination

That being said, an act to indoctrinate a child into a religion would require the agreement of both parents IF both parents have joint decision-making responsibility. However, if only one parent has decision-making responsibility, there is an argument that the parent with decision-making responsibility can make the decision to indoctrinate their child into whichever religion they choose.

 
Religious Activities

However, when it comes to religious activities, the rules are a little different. If both parents have joint decision-making authority, then either parent may allow the child to engage in religious activities. Parents also do have a fundamental right to raise their children based on their respective religion, as long as those religious beliefs or practices do not put the child in danger. This means that whether or not a parent has decision-making authority, they can have their child participate in whichever religious activities they so choose.

 
What happens if we cannot agree on what religious tradition to raise our child in?

Because there has to be an agreement on religious indoctrination if there is joint decision-making authority, there can be a conflict between parents on what is and is not allowed for their child. Conflict can also occur if each parent is having their child engage in conflicting religious activities, regardless of decision-making authority. In the event that there is a dispute concerning the religious upbringing of the child, the court will consider the harm to the child from conflicting religious instructions or practices. If there is harm caused to the child from such conflict, the judge may enforce a limitation on either parent’s ability to indoctrinate the child into a specific practice.

What If My Child Does Not Want to Visit My Ex?

In the process of a divorce, the court will dictate a parenting plan. This plan outlines who can make decisions for your children, how often they visit which parent and when, and what each parent is responsible for. While this is helpful in most situations, when your child does not want to see your ex, it can be heartbreaking to follow your court mandated parenting plan. So what happens if your child does not want to visit your ex?

According to Colorado law, you do not have to force your child to visit your ex, if they do not want to. The only thing required of you by the courts is to promote your child engaging in the agreed upon parenting schedule. All this means is that you have to encourage your child to engage with their other parent. Additionally, you need to be able to truthfully tell a judge that you have promoted your child engaging in their time with their other parent. As long as you are able to do that, you do not have to force your child to do anything they do not want to do. To learn more about this, watch last week’s Ask an Attorney with David Kalisek. To schedule a consultation with David, or any of our other amazing attorneys, visit our website.

If I lose custody of my children, can I get it back?

Custody can be a very complicated process and it is important to understand what is going on, every step of the way. It can be especially confusing if your custody of your children is taken away. While this can be confusing and frustrating, it is absolutely possible for you to gain custody back, with a few exceptions.

How can I lose my custody?

When talking about regaining custody, it is first important to know why custody might be taken away. Your parental rights might be terminated if:

  1. Your home is deemed unsafe
  2. You have substance abuse issues
  3. People who frequent your home, like friends or partners, are dangerous or create an unsafe environment
  4. Abuse or neglect
Can I regain Custody? How?

In general, you will be able to regain custody, as long as your child has not been adopted since your loss of custody. When deciding if you should be able to regain your custody, the judge will take a few different things into consideration. For example, one of the deciding factors that the judge use is whether your child will benefit from a relationship with you. But the most important of all the deciding factors is whether you have made an effort to remediate, or change, the issues that led to your restriction of custody to begin with. This means that if you had an unsafe home, you will be expected to make your home safe for your children and if you have unsafe people around your home, you will be expected to remove them, and so on and so forth.

In most cases, all the court wants is for your children to have a safe and happy environment. As long as you can prove that you are providing this for them, the court will often return your custody of your children. As we always say, it is important to hire an attorney to help you navigate this process. Click here to learn more about the attorneys here at Divorce Matters!

 

Do I Need to File for Divorce to Get Child Support?

Child Custody and Child Support can be an incredibly complicated process. Because of this, a lot of questions can arise from anyone actively going through the process or beginning the process. One of these questions, which this blog will go over, is “Do I need to file for divorce to get child support?” The short answer to that question is that, if you are married, you will most likely need to file for divorce to get child support or determine any child custody matters. However, it does depend on each individual situation and the State will sometimes seek child support on a parent’s behalf.

As mentioned above, if you are married, child custody matters do tend to be wrapped up in the divorce proceedings. This means that once you file the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, to begin your divorce process, then the child custody process will begin as well. This process includes everything having to do with your children, including child support.

If you are not married, then your child custody process will look slightly different. This process will not begin with the Petition for the Dissolution of Marriage. Rather, you will file a Petition for Allocation of Parental responsibilities to kick start the custody determination process. This process will also include the calculation of child custody.

As always, the best way to begin the child custody process is to hire an attorney. An attorney knows the child custody process, whether you are married or not, intimately and will be able to guide you through all the paperwork necessary to be collected and filed. Here at Divorce Matters, we also schedule an initial consultation, which will allow you to ask any general questions you may have about the process before you hire your attorney. To schedule an initial consultation, call us at (720) 542-6142 or you can send us a message through our website.

How Do I Start My Divorce?

Divorce is a long and difficult process and it can sometimes be hard to know where to even start. This blog post will give you a general idea of what documents to gather and how to begin.

First thing’s first, we always recommend calling a lawyer. We know that seems obvious coming from a law firm, but we’re not alone in thinking so!  Jut read what one of our reviewers has to say, “I started my divorce by myself…huge mistake.” You can learn more about our attorneys and their experience here. When you reach out to our firm our Client Relations Specialists will match you with the attorney that is right for your situation and personality for your initial consultation. Your consultation will allow you to meet with your attorney, ask them any questions you might have, and discuss pricing.

Aside from hiring an attorney, there are a few things that you can do that will help to streamline the process. The first step is to discuss what you want with the other party. Your divorce will be the simplest if you and your ex can both come to an agreement on what each of you wants and needs out of the process. If this is not possible, or if you cannot come to an agreement, the best course of action is to start compiling the paperwork necessary. This paperwork can include credit card statements, childcare bills, utility bills, loan documentation, medical statements, pay stubs, retirement accounts and statements, investment accounts, car values, and any appraisals. It is also important to note that these documents will be needed whether you can come to an agreement with the other party or not. In addition to the paperwork, it is important to start documenting your communication with the other party. The best way to do this is by only communicating in writing. This can be important if there are children involved as this documentation will be important in court proceedings, especially if you consider the other parent to be unfit or a danger to your child or children.

All in all, the most important steps are to gather all the financial documents you can and to record all communication in writing. Not only will this be helpful in court, but it will also be helpful to your newly hired attorney. All of these steps will likely make the process as streamlined as possible and finding the documents beforehand will ensure that you are not scrambling to find documents as you go.

How is Child Support Determined Based on Income?

What goes in to the court’s decision?

There are a lot of factors going in to the determination of child support. The most important factors are childcare expenses, monthly income, and the number of overnights your child will spend with you. Your monthly income is just the total amount of money you will bring in in a month, before any taxes or deductions. If you do receive spousal maintenance, that amount will be factored in to your monthly income. Childcare expenses include medical, childcare, medical insurance, school, and extra-curricular costs.

How is child support calculated?

Based on all of these factors, the court will calculate how much it costs to take care of the child and how much time the child spends with each parent. The time spent with each parent is calculated by counting the number of overnight visits. After determining how much time is spent with each parent, the court will use it own formula to determine how much you (or your ex-partner) will owe in child support. It is important to note that child support is often paid to the primary custodian of the child, but this is not always the case. If you would like to determine how much you might pay in child support (or spousal maintenance) you can refer to Divorce Matters’ Child Support Calculator! This app, developed by Divorce Matters, takes all of the information the courts in Colorado would use to decide a child support amount and calculate a probable amount you might pay. To learn more, visit here. 

What happens if my income changes?

Generally, your income will need to have a 10% difference, either positively or negatively, to affect the child support amount. If you lose your job, get laid off, or even get a raise, these are all factors that may change the amount of child support you either pay or receive. To change that amount, you would need to file a Motion to Modify Child Support Order. A judge will then decide what your new amount should be.

If you have questions about your child support arrangement please reach out to our firm to speak with one of our attorneys. You can fill out a form here, or call us at 720-542-6142.

What if I Believe My Spouse is Unfit to Take Care of Our Children?

If you believe that your spouse (or former spouse) is unfit to care for your children, there are a few possible routes to take. The route that you take will depend on the urgency and severity of the situation. If the situation does not require immediate attention, you can file a “Motion for Modification of Parenting Time”. If the situation is more urgent and needs to be remedied immediately, you can file a “Motion to Restrict Parenting Time” or you can call Child Protective Services (CPS). You can learn more about each of these options below.

Motion for Modification of Parenting Time

There are a few different routes to take depending on the severity of the situation. If your concerns do not require immediate attention, you can file a “Motion for Modification of Parenting Time” as discussed above. This motion may be filed every two years or as often as necessary, as long as you can prove that circumstances have changed. The change in circumstances could be a variety of things, including, but not limited to, moving, use of drugs or illegal substances, or the creation of an unsafe situation for children. In proving this change of circumstances, it may be helpful to hire a third-party investigator, called a Child and Family Investigator or Parental Responsibilities Evaluator. To be clear, this is not an immediate solution and will take a minimum of 3 months to complete. Following a minimum of 3 months, the court may deny the modification and elect to keep the parenting plan consistent or modify the plan in line with the requested modification or in any way the court sees fit to modify the parenting time agreement.

Motion to Restrict Parenting Time

If your situation is more urgent, there are two roads that will lead to a quicker resolution from the court. One of these options is to file a “Motion to Restrict Parenting Time”. This motion must include the reasons that you believe the children will be endangered, either physically or emotionally, by remaining in the care of the opposing parent. The court is required to set a hearing date within 14 days of filing this motion, making it significantly quicker than filing a “Motion for Modification of Parenting Time”. When the date of the hearing comes around, you should make sure to bring any evidence you have that your children are not safe with the opposing parent. It is important that this evidence is not just what your children have told you, as this can be considered “hearsay” and may not be admissible evidence. If the court finds that you are correct and the other parent is physically or emotionally endangering the child, there may be steps or restrictions put into place that the opposing parent must go through if they want to regain any parenting time. For example, if the opposing parent has been using drugs, the court may order a rehabilitation program before they are allowed to regain any parenting time. The court can also restrict or reduce the opposing parent’s parenting time. It is important to remember that this is a very serious claim and should not be filed without base. If this motion is found to be baseless or vengeful, the court may require you to pay the opposing parent’s attorney fees.

Child Protective Services

The second option for a more urgent case is contacting Child Protective Services (CPS). CPS is a government agency that investigates claims of child abuse or neglect. This is the most serious action and will result in the most immediate response. Before getting more into this process, it is important to note that calling CPS on the opposing parent will also invite CPS to investigate you. The organization is meant to make decisions in the best interest of the child and they cannot do this without investigating every aspect of your children’s lives.  This investigation will include interviewing both parents, various witnesses, and the children themselves. CPS will generally make findings of the best situation for the children without initiating action through the court. In more severe cases, however, CPS will initiate action through the courts called a “Dependency and Neglect Action”. This may result in the child being removed from the unsafe environment, supervised visitation, reintegration therapy, substance abuse monitoring, or any action that the court feels is appropriate to the situation.

What is an Estate Planning Attorney?

Estate planning is very important, and people often don’t think about it until it’s too late. It can be a useful tool to save your assets for your children and grandchildren and to set them up to be successful.

What is an estate?

An estate is someone’s entire net worth, including their possessions, any properties they own, and of course, any cash. The word estate particularly refers to all of these assets in relation to your death.

What does an estate planning attorney do?

An estate planning attorney is a lawyer who has a thorough understanding of the laws regarding how your estate will be managed, valued, inventoried, and dispersed after your death. An estate planning attorney can help you manage your assets, divide them up, and pass them on in a way that is both legal and the most advantageous for you and your successors. This just means that an estate planning attorney will work to maintain as many of your assets as possible throughout the process, to keep them safe from taxes or other fees.

What can an estate panning attorney help me do, specifically?

An estate planning attorney has various functions. The first possible way an estate attorney can help you is by creating your will. Through your will, an attorney will be able to designate your beneficiaries. Your beneficiaries are the people that will receive anything from your will, whether that be money or property or even material goods. Along those lines, estate attorneys can also set up any trusts you may need to protect your assets. Trusts can be helpful because they protect your assets, both during your lifetime in the event that you are incapacitated and after your death, for the benefit of your beneficiaries. Estate attorneys can also establish power of attorney and medical durable power of attorney, who would speak on your behalf if you could no longer do so because of medical reasons. And finally, estate attorneys can help you at making the process of creating a will and choosing beneficiaries smoother. This includes avoiding and reducing taxes when possible and avoiding the probate court process, as well.

To speak with a Divorce Matters attorney about estate planning, contact us today and ask for Miguel Mondragon, our resident estate planning expert!