Co-Parenting During the Holiday Season

Co-parenting isn’t always the easiest to navigate during normal times of the year but when you inject the holidays into the mix it can seem downright impossible. The important thing to keep in mind is that it isn’t really about you or your ex, it’s really about your children. When you remember this, it can help you through anything the holiday season might throw your way. And with a little advanced planning with your co-parent, this holiday season can go off without a hitch!

The biggest thing to remember is that your children are the focus this holiday season. Try to make things as easy as possible for them even if that means you won’t get them on exactly the days that you want. This will require advanced planning between you and your co-parent, seeing which days make sense for whom so that your children get to visit with family and still enjoy their time. This will also require some flexibility on your part in case things don’t go exactly as planned. If you need to go with the flow the stress shouldn’t felt by your children.

You will also want to make sure that you coordinate gifts with your co-parent. Not only do you not want to repeat a gift for your child, but you also want to make sure that you both agree upon a certain level of spend. You’ll want to make sure that one co-parent doesn’t feel alienated because the other buys extravagantly. You also want to show a united front and to do so you must make sure that things off limits in one household aren’t being provided in another.

Finally, make sure that you prioritize a little bit of time for yourself. If you aren’t going to have your children the entire holiday season don’t let that time alone daunt you. Use this time for yourself, to relax and enjoy yourself. Spend some quality time with friends you haven’t seen in a while and catch up. Or you can use the time to take a relaxing bath and watch your favorite movies. Whatever helps you destress, use the time you have alone to do just that and you’ll feel rejuvenated.

Surviving Divorce During the Holidays

There is never an easy time to end a marriage, but going through a divorce during the holidays can be particularly challenging. Dealing with loneliness, custody battles, and nosey extended family members is enough to turn anyone into a Grinch. While there is nothing fun about getting divorced this time of year, it doesn’t have to ruin your holiday. Here are some tips to help you make it through the new year stronger and better than ever.

Loneliness During the Holidays

Being suddenly alone during the season of togetherness can be hard. It is normal to feel sad, angry, nostalgic, or any mix of indescribable emotions. If you find yourself in this unfortunate boat this holiday season, know that you are not alone. Let yourself be sad, but do not allow yourself to wallow in self-pity.

To combat loneliness in a healthy way, invest your time in strengthening relationships with family and friends, cultivating a hobby, or learning a new skill. Start a new tradition or check something off your holiday bucket list. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as overindulgence in alcohol. Finally, do not be afraid to reach out to a friend or professional therapist if you need to talk.

Holiday Custody Issues

If you are newly separated or divorced, this season may mark the first holiday you spend away from your children. Some families decide to split the holiday in order to give each parent time with their children. Whatever your custody arrangement is this year, remember to be flexible. If you compromise to accommodate your former spouse’s Christmas schedule this time, your ex may be more willing to extend the same grace to you on the next big holiday.

For those who are already successfully co-parenting, consider celebrating the holiday together with your children. This allows a child to maximize the time she can spend with both her parents. If you are not ready or willing to spend Christmas in the same house as your ex, it’s okay (few recently divorced spouses are). In time, you and your former spouse may be able to set differences aside to share the occasional family dinner with your children.

Family Matters During Divorce

If this is your first Christmas since the separation or divorce, your children may face a difficult time adjusting to the changes. Let them know it is normal to be sad or disappointed that the holidays are different this year. To ease their transition, keep their favorite holiday traditions alive, and introduce a couple new ones as well.

Recently separated or divorced couples should also be prepared to field awkward questions from extended family members and acquaintances during holiday get-togethers. Whether your distant relatives are well-meaning or simply nosey, a conversation can quickly take a dark turn when you are newly divorced. If you anticipate the third degree from your great aunts when you show up to the Christmas party sans husband, try to plan your answers in advance. Practice delivering a brief “statement” that explains your new life situation without rehashing all the ugly details.

Divorce and the Holidays

For assistance with divorce, custody, or other family law issues, contact the Denver divorce lawyers at Divorce Matters. We are eager to assist you today.

Coping With Divorce Through the Holidays

For most people, the holidays evoke thoughts of family togetherness. This can be hard if you’re experiencing your first holiday season since a divorce. You won’t have a partner in the home, and the children may be spending time with the other parent. This means you might be spending a day like Christmas alone.

This can seem depressing, but it doesn’t have to be that way. After a divorce, you no longer have to follow previous family traditions. Feel free to be flexible and create your own. Focus on happiness and love this holiday season and you’ll look forward to the holidays every year.

Be Patient

Things may not go as planned during your first holiday as a single parent. Emotions may be still running high. You may be fighting over custody with the other parent. Don’t get overwhelmed. Get rid of the pressure involved with the holidays and go easy on yourself. Trust that things will get better as time goes on.

Be Flexible

Don’t feel like you need to be set in your ways. For example, Christmas doesn’t have to occur on December 25. If the other parent insists on having the kids for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, it’s not the end of the world. You can celebrate with the kids before or after. As an added bonus, your kids will get two Christmases, which might seem fun.

This means you’ll need to be flexible with your plans as well. In the past, Christmas may have revolved around the kids, so spend this Christmas doing something for yourself. Go visit friends. Go see a movie. Sart new traditions by doing something that makes you happy.

Be Cooperative

Be amicable toward the other parent for the sake of your children. Fighting during the holidays only adds more stress to the situation. Push your negative feelings aside and make the holidays a wonderful time of year for the kids. Find a way to compromise and work things out without the bitterness.

Don’t Feel Isolated

Many people want to help loved ones during the holidays, so you’ll likely get invitations to spend holidays with friends, neighbors and loved ones. Take advantage of the opportunity to get out of the house and spend time with others. It will keep you busy and get your mind off the divorce and your emotions.

Help Others

Volunteering at your church or in your community or simply helping a neighbor in need will help you recognize that there are people who are less fortunate than you. Reach out and see how you can help others this holiday season. Your recipient will be grateful to you, and you’ll feel better about yourself as well. It’s a win-win situation!

An Attorney Can Help with Holidays and Divorce

The holidays can seem lonely and depressing after a divorce. With the right attitude, you can make this holiday season a positive and memorable one. By being proactive and adjusting to the changes, you can enjoy time with friends, family members are even yourself. Contact the Aurora divorce attorneys at Divorce Matters for more help with surviving the holidays. Request a consultation today by contacting Divorce Matters online or by calling (720) 463-1232.

How To Handle The Holidays With The Kids After Your Divorce

The holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and family ”“ but divorce throws a serious wrench into that idea. On top of the usual holiday chores (shopping, cooking, taking care of the kids while they’re out of school), you also have to deal with the stress, uncertainty, grief and struggles of separation. Holidays can be especially difficult for children whose parents are divorcing. Here are some useful tips to help your kids get the most out of the holiday season.

Holidays With The Kids During Divorce ”“ Don’t Panic!

Make sure the children know that they will still be able to celebrate, just that it is going to be different this year. There will probably be a lot more traveling ”“ one way to assuage the kids’ fears is to frame it by saying that they get to have two celebrations this year instead of one.

Plan around the best interests of the children. Holiday planning is enough of a struggle as it is, but you should do everything in your power to ensure that this is a special time for the kids. Come up with a holiday division schedule that will minimize their stress, whether this means splitting days or planning your celebrations at a different time than usual.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your family or friends.

Create new traditions! Maybe plan an annual ice skating day for the kids, or let them help you make a special holiday recipe.

Take care of yourself when the children are with your ex-spouse. Let them know that you want them to have a good time with your ex, and while they’re out, find ways to keep yourself entertained. Maybe there’s a new movie out this year that you haven’t had time to see (we hear “Arrival” is good), or maybe you could use a spa day.

Try to keep communication between you and your ex-cordial and open. Like it or not, you are going to have to interact with him or her. Keep it civil for the sake of the kids.

Our Denver family law attorneys wish you and yours a happy holiday season!

Do More People Divorce During The Holiday Season?

Summer is over, the kids are back in school and, though it might not hit you until after Labor Day, we’re rapidly approaching the holiday season. As we enter into autumn, we thought we’d blog about a study recently conducted by the University of Washington that discovered August is one of the months in which divorce filings spike the highest.

Why August? Why not January, right after the holidays are over and the prospect of divorce won’t ruin the kids’ Christmas? Why not the beginning of summer, when graduations have ended and parents no longer have to keep up pretenses so kids aren’t distracted at school by a looming divorce?

The study, which looked at divorce rates between 2001 and 2015, showed that August and March were the two months with the highest divorce spikes. The researchers believe this may indicate that divorce filings are correlated with “domestic ritual.”

The data suggest that divorces are likely to happen at the end of the summer and the end of the winter, since those seasons are largely focused on family. Many couples find it inappropriate to take away from the joy of summer and the holidays to focus on a failed marriage. With the summer and the holiday seasons, people have high expectations ”“ it’s a chance to reconnect with the family and a chance for a new beginning. However, the researchers also suggested that, if the holiday seasons do not go well for a family, the added stress of disappointment could encourage those post-holiday, post-summer divorce odds.

The Denver law firm Divorce Matters is dedicated to providing an exceptional client experiences for clients seeking family law services in Colorado.