How Do Kids Change Divorce?

Conor Stewartson

When couples have children, a divorce becomes much more complicated. Even if you and your spouse are committed to an amicable separation, you will need to think through your post-divorce future for the sake of your children.

Come Up with a Parenting Plan

Children need continuing contact with both parents, and a judge will want to see a detailed parenting plan. At the outset, you should realize that a 50/50 custody split might not be realistic since one or both of you might decide to move. However, you should work out who the children will live with during the school year and decide:

  • When the non-custodial parent will have weekend visitation
  • How the children will split their summer vacations
  • Who the children will spend holidays and birthdays with
  • How you will transport the children to and from visitation, as well as when they will be dropped off and picked up

 

The more detailed your parenting plan, the better. Deciding issues ahead of time can reduce conflict later on. If you need help coming up with a parenting plan, you can consult with a divorce attorney who can advise you.

Discuss Child Support

Every child has a right to enjoy the fruits of his or her parent’s income. For this reason, child support is a right. The state has a formula it uses to calculate child support. You can visit the Department of Human Services website.

Child support also includes things like health insurance, medical expenses, and child care. Depending on your situation, you might need to pay extra to cover these costs. Parents should look at the total cost of raising the children and identify how they will pay those costs.

Stay on Your Best Behavior

It is perfectly understandable to feel depressed, angry and frustrated during a divorce. After all, a relationship you thought would last for life is now crashing to the ground. Nevertheless, parents must remain amicable if they want their children to flourish. This means never bad-mouthing your spouse when the children are around or trying to turn your children against their mother or father. Furthermore, trying to alienate your children could be used against you when it comes to determining custody.

Calm Guidance You Can Trust

Divorce is an emotionally turbulent time. You need trusted, experienced divorce attorneys in your corner. At Divorce Matters, our Lakewood divorce lawyers will help guide you through the divorce process step by step. Please contact us today to schedule your comprehensive, initial consultation.

The Different Types of Child Custody

When parents divorce, a judge will need to decide who the children will spend time with and which parent will have the legal authority to make decisions for the child. Collectively, these are child custody decisions, though Colorado now prefers to use the term “parental rights and responsibilities” instead of “custody.” Child custody decisions are often very emotional ones, although they do not have to be. Read on for more information about the different types of child custody.

Physical Custody

This is perhaps the easiest type of custody to understand. Physical custody means that the child is primarily living with you and is under your supervision. The other parent is given visitation, also called “parenting time.” Depending on the circumstances, parents might be given extensive visitation or limited visitation.

Legal Custody

Even if a child is not living with you, you can have a say about important decisions regarding the child’s healthcare and education. This is legal custody. For example, you might need to decide whether your child can have surgery. If the judge has awarded you legal custody, then you get to make those decisions.

Sole Custody

Sole custody means that only one parent has custody. For example, a parent might be given sole physical and legal custody of the children, thus cutting out the other parent completely. Colorado law does not favor sole custody. Instead, Colorado law advocates that both parents remain in contact with their children. Sole custody is rare and reserved mostly for those situations where one parent is completely unfit.

Joint Custody

Today, joint custody has become the norm. Joint custody can be joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or both. Colorado law tries to keep both parents as involved in their children’s lives as possible. Unless one parent moves out of state, then both should spend extensive amounts of time with their children.

The precise amount will depend on how close the parents live to each other. For example, if they live in the same city or town, then a judge might divide physical custody 50/50. However, if one has moved a couple hours away, then one parent might be given regular weekend visitation as well as time in the summer.

Reaching an Agreement

You can lower the temperature of any divorce by coming up with an arrangement that works for everybody instead of fighting tooth and nail for sole custody. With respect to visitation, parents should create visitation schedules that they can stick to. If you have a busy job, you shouldn’t agree to weekly visitation if you are on the road constantly.

Of course, in some situation, you might not want joint custody with your ex. Common examples include a spouse who has been abusive to his or her children. Every situation is different, and you should discuss your concerns with your divorce lawyer.

Contact a Lakewood Child Custody Attorney for Help

Child custody decisions are probably the most important ones involved in any divorce. For help with your divorce, speak to a Lakewood divorce attorney at Divorce Matters. Our lawyers are happy to meet with you for a consultation, so call 720-580-6745 today.

Your Legal Rights if You’re Not Married

In general, married couples tend to have more rights and benefits than couples who are not married. Without a marriage certificate, couples often have no rights when it comes to legal, medical or financial decisions for the other party. Even if you live together for decades and consider, you won’t be automatically considered husband and wife for legal purposes unless you take certain actions to protect your rights beforehand. Should one of you die, assets are left to the person’s parents and siblings.

However, this does not mean that you have to get married against your wishes just to get the protection you desire. Colorado allows you to enter a common law marriage without actually getting married. If you and your partner present yourselves as husband and wife, your relationship may be recognized as a marriage to some degree. To fully protect your legal rights, though, you need to be proactive and take advantage of the legal documents available to you.

Rights of Unmarried Couples

In the event that something happens to you or your partner, you’ll want to take the appropriate steps to make sure you are both protected. Otherwise, a breakup or death could leave either party without the property they were hoping to receive.

One thing you might want to consider is a cohabitation agreement. This outlines who pays for what expenses and what will happen to expenses or property should you break up. This agreement will also outline who will move out and what will happen to the home you live in. Unmarried couples have a disadvantage because they don’t have divorce court to protect their assets like married couples do.

If you are unmarried, it’s important to have a will in place. If you were to die without one, state law would give your assets to your blood relatives””namely, any children, parents or siblings. Your partner would receive nothing. With a will in place, though, you can designate where your assets will go upon your death.

Rights of Unmarried Couples With Children

When a couple has children and decides to break up, the mother has the advantage. In some cases, courts will rule in favor of the mother when it comes to custody issues; however, this is not always the case.

When a couple is married, it is automatically assumed that the husband is the father. This is not the case with unmarried couples. An unmarried father must establish paternity by adding his name to the child’s birth certificate and signing an Acknowledgement of Paternity Affidavit. Once paternity is established, the father will be able to seek custody of the child. Of course, in turn, he may also be forced to pay child support.

Seek Advice from an Experienced Aurora Divorce Attorney

To some, marriage is just a piece of paper, but it offers so many rights and benefits. If you do decide to live together as a couple without marriage, make sure you understand your rights should you decide to split up or if a partner dies. The Aurora divorce attorneys at Divorce Matters can advise you on how you can protect yourself during the course of your relationship. To schedule a consultation, contact us at (720) 408-7469.

 

What is Bird’s Nest Custody?

In the past, child custody arrangements involved dropping off the kids at the other parent’s house when it was their scheduled time for visitation. While that still happens often nowadays, there is a new type of child custody arrangement that is gaining in popularity. Called bird’s nest custody, it sounds like something from Animal Planet, but it’s actually a great idea for parents who want to minimize disruption to their child’s lives after a divorce.

Bird’s nest custody is a form of child custody arrangement. Instead of going back and forth from one parent’s house to another, the children stay put and live in one house. The parents are the ones who rotate in. Dad comes in when it’s his turn to parent. When it’s Mom’s turn, Dad leaves and Mom stays in the house until it’s Dad’s turn again.

The court rarely mandates such an arrangement, so it’s up to the parents to decide if this unique arrangement will work for them. It offers many benefits, especially for the children, but can be difficult for the parents. Here are the pros and cons to consider.

Benefits of Bird’s Nest Custody

The biggest advantage of bird’s nest custody is that it is focused on the children. The children get to stay in the house, so their lives do not get disrupted. This gives children more stability and reduces anxiety.

Communication is also easier for the parents because they both inhabit the home, just at different times. They can simply leave notes for each other or even talk as they switch custody.

A bird’s nest arrangement can save money in some ways. The kids don’t have to have two of everything so they can leave one at each parent’s house. This also means that they won’t lose belongings as they are being shuttled back and forth.

Disadvantages of Bird’s Nest Custody

Probably the biggest issue with bird’s nest custody is the cost of maintaining three separate residences: one for the kids and one for each parent. It’s possible for the parents to share a home as well, since they will be rotating in and out of it, but that can get awkward and cause privacy issues.

Proximity is another consideration. This arrangement won’t work if the parents don’t live near the home. Also, it can make it hard for parents to move on after a divorce. It can be hard to form new relationships if they are living in two separate households.

This arrangement works only for divorces that were amicable. It can get awkward since the parents have to see each other during custody exchanges, and it’s not good for the children to see their parents fighting constantly.

Contact an Aurora Child Custody Lawyer Today

Child custody matters can be complicated. If you’re looking for a custody arrangement that will work best for the kids and parents, contact the family law professionals at Divorce Matters. We can offer trusted advice while protecting your legal rights. Request a consultation today by contacting Divorce Matters online or by calling (720) 463-1232.

Grandparents and Child Custody

Certain circumstances may cause a parent to be unable or unwilling to take proper care of his or her children. When this happens, grandparents often step forward to provide the care and support their grandchildren need. However, grandparents that desire full or partial legal custody of their grandchildren may find themselves fighting an uphill battle.

Natural parents have fundamental rights to be with their children. In order to infringe on a parent’s rights to his or her children, a grandparent must present a compelling argument to support his or her request for custody. Grandparents must have “clear and convincing” evidence that parental custody is not in the best interest of the child.

Can Grandparents Get Child Custody in a Denver Divorce?

There are only a few circumstances in which a grandparent may be given physical and/or legal custody of his or her grandchildren. If a custody case for the child has been filed, grandparents and other third parties are allowed to throw their proverbial hats into the ring. Grandparents may be able to obtain temporary custody of their grandchildren if the parents’ divorce is particularly hostile or volatile. Other situations when a grandparent may request custody of a grandchild include:

  • If a child has been removed from his parents’ home and placed in foster care, grandparents are given priority preference to take physical care of the child, if they are able and willing to do so. (If parents are unmarried or divorced, the child’s other parent has preferential status.)
  • If the grandparent has provided primary care and physical residence for the grandchild for at least six months, the grandparent may request legal responsibility of the child.
  • If the child lived with the grandparent(s) for at least six months, and has been out of their care for no more than six months, the grandparents can ask the court for legal responsibility of the child.
  • If the child is currently in the physical care of someone that is not the child’s parent.

Unlike parents, grandparents have no automatic custody or visitation rights. They must demonstrate to the court that granting these rights would be in the best interest of the child. To determine what is in the child’s best interest, the judge will consider the physical and emotional health, environmental stability, and child’s relationship with each interested party, as well as any reports of child abuse or neglect.

Grandparent Visitation and Colorado Grandparent Custody Laws

If the court finds granting custody to the child’s grandparents is inappropriate, the judge may still decide to grant visitation rights. In Colorado, a grandparent may be allowed legal visitation rights if:

  • the child’s parents are granted a divorce, annulment, or legal separation;
  • legal custody of the child is granted to someone other than his or her parents; or
  • the child’s parent is deceased.

As always, visitation and custody rights are only granted if they are in the best interest of the child.

Call a Denver Grandparent Custody Lawyer

Divorce Matters is a full-service family law firm with locations in Greenwood Village and Lakewood. Contact us to request a consultation.

Who Gets the Kids for Christmas?

Christmas is often described as a magical time of year, but for divorced parents, the holidays are nothing but stress. Having to share custody of the kids and possibly spend Christmas alone is nobody’s idea of fun. However, many parents are able to work through it and come up with workable custody schedules to ensure that children get to see both parents while on winter break.

”˜Tis the season for compromise. But what if you and the other parent cannot agree on a custody schedule? You may need to discuss the situation with your lawyer and get the courts involved. The courts, however, prefer that parents work it out on their own. When the court has to make the decision, both parents end up losing.

Christmas is a time where kids are off school and parents have time off work. So how can you determine child custody during Christmas in a fair way so you both get time with your children? Here are some ideas.

Split the Days

Christmas encompasses two days: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Since both parents tend to want to celebrate Christmas with the kids, each parent can choose day. One parent can have the kids on Christmas Eve until the evening (say 8 p.m. or 9 p.m.) and then the kids can spend Christmas Day with the other parent. This only works, however, if the parents live close to each other.

One Week at a Time

If you and the other parent live a great distance from each other, you may want to consider having a week with the kids. Kids tend to have two weeks off school during this time, so you can get the first or second week and the other parent can have the other. You can still break it up at Christmas Eve, though, so both parents can see the kids on Christmas.

What to Keep in Mind

Don’t argue with the other parent about every holiday. Think about the holidays that are most important to you and develop a custody schedule from there. You may have to compromise or create new traditions, and that’s OK. Life for you and the children will change to some degree after a divorce.

Also, plan your Christmastime custody schedule well in advance. Don’t tell the kids the day before Christmas what will be happening. You and the other parent should have the schedule nailed down by November. Confirm the schedule via email or phone and print out a hard copy. You may want to give a copy to your lawyer for legal purposes.

Contact a Denver Child Custody Lawyer Today

Child custody matters can be complicated, especially during the holidays. While both parents want to spend Christmas with their children, you might not always get your way. Compromises will need to be made. If you require assistance creating a holiday parenting plan, contact the family law professionals at Divorce Matters. We will help you get a favorable outcome. Request a consultation today by contacting Divorce Matters online or by calling (720) 463-1232.

Surviving Divorce During the Holidays

There is never an easy time to end a marriage, but going through a divorce during the holidays can be particularly challenging. Dealing with loneliness, custody battles, and nosey extended family members is enough to turn anyone into a Grinch. While there is nothing fun about getting divorced this time of year, it doesn’t have to ruin your holiday. Here are some tips to help you make it through the new year stronger and better than ever.

Loneliness During the Holidays

Being suddenly alone during the season of togetherness can be hard. It is normal to feel sad, angry, nostalgic, or any mix of indescribable emotions. If you find yourself in this unfortunate boat this holiday season, know that you are not alone. Let yourself be sad, but do not allow yourself to wallow in self-pity.

To combat loneliness in a healthy way, invest your time in strengthening relationships with family and friends, cultivating a hobby, or learning a new skill. Start a new tradition or check something off your holiday bucket list. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as overindulgence in alcohol. Finally, do not be afraid to reach out to a friend or professional therapist if you need to talk.

Holiday Custody Issues

If you are newly separated or divorced, this season may mark the first holiday you spend away from your children. Some families decide to split the holiday in order to give each parent time with their children. Whatever your custody arrangement is this year, remember to be flexible. If you compromise to accommodate your former spouse’s Christmas schedule this time, your ex may be more willing to extend the same grace to you on the next big holiday.

For those who are already successfully co-parenting, consider celebrating the holiday together with your children. This allows a child to maximize the time she can spend with both her parents. If you are not ready or willing to spend Christmas in the same house as your ex, it’s okay (few recently divorced spouses are). In time, you and your former spouse may be able to set differences aside to share the occasional family dinner with your children.

Family Matters During Divorce

If this is your first Christmas since the separation or divorce, your children may face a difficult time adjusting to the changes. Let them know it is normal to be sad or disappointed that the holidays are different this year. To ease their transition, keep their favorite holiday traditions alive, and introduce a couple new ones as well.

Recently separated or divorced couples should also be prepared to field awkward questions from extended family members and acquaintances during holiday get-togethers. Whether your distant relatives are well-meaning or simply nosey, a conversation can quickly take a dark turn when you are newly divorced. If you anticipate the third degree from your great aunts when you show up to the Christmas party sans husband, try to plan your answers in advance. Practice delivering a brief “statement” that explains your new life situation without rehashing all the ugly details.

Divorce and the Holidays

For assistance with divorce, custody, or other family law issues, contact the Denver divorce lawyers at Divorce Matters. We are eager to assist you today.

How To Give Your Child Emotional Support Through Divorce

Different colored hands with hearts on the palm

If you are facing divorce or perhaps already going through it, then you know that no matter what happens it will be something that affects your children. This is perfectly normal and there is a natural grieving process that they will go through as they deal with their emotions around your separation. There are ways you can help make sure that your children have the support they need during this time.

The first is to make sure that they know you are there if they need to talk about it. The urge to keep it hush-hush can be strong if you feel like avoiding the topic would be less painful for them. However, letting them know you are available to talk to about it without forcing them to gives them the space they need to process their emotions and feel safe enough to approach you if they have questions or need to share something.

One of the best things you can do for your kids is to try and work out an amicable and conflict free co-parenting plan. Of course, this isn’t always an option depending on the individual situation but if you can work to settle your differences with your ex-spouse for the sake of your kids it will go a really long way in helping them deal with their emotions about the divorce.

Finally, don’t be afraid to get yourself and/or your child professional help if either of you find that you continue to struggle with the divorce in a manner that seems unhealthy. Talking to a counselor or therapist is a great way to learn the tools needed to cope with the stress associated with divorce.

Enjoying Time With Your Children On A Single Parent’s Budget

Jack Duggan

After divorce money can be tight on a single parent’s budget, but you know how important it is that you still spend time participating in activities with your children. You just don’t have to break the bank to do it! There are plenty of fun ways to spend time with your little ones without spending a ton.

One of those ways is to take your kids out on a hike. Plan your route ahead of time based on their experience and how far they can go and then spend the time on your hike pointing out wildlife and spending quality time catching up with them. If you are feeling particularly adventurous you might even bring a tent along and spend an evening with them around the campfire.

Another great way to spend time with your kiddos is to have a movie night in! Grab a couple of age-appropriate classics and settle in with some popcorn and candy. You could even set up a fun fort with them ahead of time for them to watch the movie from.

Perhaps your kids are old enough to begin teaching them how to cook. This is a great time to start showing them the basics of nutrition and the importance of home-cooked meals. Talk them through the recipes and cooking processes as you go and eventually have them start doing it. Soon enough they will know how to cook for themselves in a safe and nutritious manner.

There are always great ways to spend time together with your children enjoying new experiences, don’t be afraid to get out there and find them!

If you are looking to find out more about what your maintenance or child support might look like when going through a divorce so you can better plan for your financial future, Divorce Matters offers a free app that can help. Visit us at www.divorce-matters.com/apps and visit either the Google Play or iTunes stores to download our free Child Support and Maintenance Calculator App.

Parenting Mistakes To Avoid When Going Through Divorce

Emily Ahnell - Partner and Managing Attorney

Divorce can be difficult on your family but it is extremely important not to find yourself hurting your children in the process. They are most important to protect during this time of transition and there are a few things to remind yourself of every time you are interacting with them.

First, make sure you understand the terms of your custody agreement. If you want to make changes be sure to go through the proper channels to make those changes. If you feel like your custody agreement isn’t being honored or you’d like to make changes, contact your divorce attorney for more information.

Second, don’t try and force them to take sides between you and your ex, no matter what your situation is. They are too young to be handling anything of this emotional magnitude and as their parent it is your place to protect them from this strife as much as possible. To them, they still have two parents and might want to keep it that way no matter what you want. Allow them the space to express what they want without trying to influence them.

Another very important piece of advice to follow, do not bad mouth your ex-partner in front of your children. Not only can this be psychologically damaging to them, but it can also cause rifts between you and them or your spouse and them. This action can come back to hurt you in future custody proceedings.

Finally, try to not let the stress of the divorce and its toll on you affect your relationship with your children. As difficult as it may be right now, protecting your relationship with your children is paramount and your children can be a source of comfort and love.