How Do Kids Change Divorce?
When couples have children, a divorce becomes much more complicated. Even if you and your spouse are committed to an amicable separation, you will need to think through your post-divorce future for the sake of your children. There are many factors that you must consider when going through a divorce with kids, including co-parenting plans and custody arrangements, child support, emotional support, and even maintaining respect toward your former spouse in front of your child to contribute to a healthier family dynamic. Divorce Matters® is here to offer help in each of these areas so you experience a more seamless divorce.
Come Up with a Parenting Plan
Children need continuing contact with both parents, and a judge will want to see a detailed parenting plan. At the outset, you should realize that a 50/50 custody split might not be realistic for several reasons: an imbalance of parental care, one or both of you deciding to move, or if one of you has a past criminal record. However, you should work toward the fairest custody plan that looks out for the best interest of the child or children.
If one of you decides to move far enough that it could prompt school changes, you will need to reevaluate your agreement and settle it with the court. This will involve who and where the child or children will live with during the school year and decide:
- When the non-custodial parent will have weekend visitation
- How the children will split their summer vacations
- Who the children will spend holidays and birthdays with
- How you will transport the children to and from visitation, as well as when they will be dropped off and picked up
The more detailed your parenting plan, the better. Deciding on issues ahead of time can reduce conflict later on. Divorce with kids will also require determining parental rights and obligations to ensure both sides are contributing fairly to the child’s life. This includes setting boundaries on both sides so the child will not take advantage of one parent or “choose” a favorite. Both parents must have clear rules the child must follow to allow for a healthy relationship in the family and promote an equal partnership. If you need help developing a parenting plan, you can consult with one of our divorce attorneys who can advise you on how to achieve the best possible outcome for you and your child.
Discuss Child Support
Every child has a right to enjoy the fruits of his or her parent’s income and live with a parent who can take care of them financially. For this reason, child support is a right. Child support includes things like health insurance, medical expenses, and child care in addition to the monthly overall care costs. Depending on your situation, you might need to pay extra to cover these costs.
Hiring a child custody lawyer to help with a divorce with kids is crucial, whether you are the paying or receiving parent. Many factors contribute to how child support is paid that you will want professional assistance with, such as income, overnight stays with each parent, extraordinary and ongoing expenses – and who has paid most of them – and much more. You don’t want one stone unturned. This is why parents going through a divorce with kids should partner with a firm like Divorce Matters® that will look at the total cost of raising the children, both of their gross income, and identify how child support should be paid out or received.
The state has a formula it uses to calculate child support. We make this easy to calculate with our free child support and maintenance calculator. You can download this free tool in the Google and Apple app stores.
Stay on Your Best Behavior
It is perfectly understandable to feel depressed, angry, and frustrated during a divorce with kids. After all, a relationship you thought would last for life is now crashing to the ground. Nevertheless, parents must remain amicable if they want their children to flourish. This means never bad-mouthing your spouse when the children are around or trying to turn your children against their mother or father. Furthermore, trying to alienate your children could be used against you when it comes to determining custody.
You must also keep communication consistent between you and your ex, as well as your child. Allow the child to speak to the other parent when they choose to maintain a healthy relationship. If you ever do need to communicate with your former spouse, the child should never see you fighting over them or disrespecting one another. This is not conducive to a healthy relationship and can later result in resentment from the child toward you or your former spouse.
Emotional Impact on Children
While you are going through a divorce with kids, your child will be feeling a mix of emotions – anger, sadness, confusion, and even guilt. It is important to reassure them that your relationship ending has nothing to do with them, and it may even improve your relationship as a family unit. Do not use them as messengers between the two of you, and under no circumstance should you put them in the middle of your conflicts or use them as collateral. Effective communication and setting boundaries as parents are crucial to the mental health of the child. Continue to reassure them that they are loved and allow open communication so they can express their emotions freely. It could be beneficial to seek out a neutral party like a counselor or therapist for your child to remove any bias and allow them to speak about the situation.
Finally, allow you and your child time to adjust to this new normal. This is a new journey for all of you, so allow yourselves to be open and flexible, and have a safe space to grieve the divorce. You also need to get used to the new environment with one less parent in the house (potentially impacting pre- and post-school routines or weekend plans). It is important to adjust and even establish new traditions for you and your child to restore a sense of normalcy.
When it comes to introducing new partners, take ample time to allow you and your child to get over the divorce before involving any new romantic partners. Not only could this be confusing to the child, but it could hurt your relationship with them. Do not try to force a relationship with this new partner, validate their feelings, and do not involve them in the co-parenting responsibilities. New partners can be a slippery slope, so only enter into a relationship with one when you are truly ready and when you know they will fit in with your children.
Calm Guidance You Can Trust
Divorce with kids is an emotionally turbulent and challenging time. You need trusted, experienced divorce lawyers in your corner. At Divorce Matters®, our team has the knowledge and experience to help guide you through the process step by step. We only want what is best for you and your family. Please contact us today to schedule your comprehensive, initial consultation.