New Bill Could Affect Military Divorces

The Uniformed Services Former Spouses Protection Act (USFSPA) allows former spouses of servicemembers to collect retirement benefits based on the servicemember’s work in the military. Basically, the law allows military disposable retired pay to be considered marital property, thus subjecting it to equitable division in a divorce action. A new bill being proposed in Congress could shake up the USFSPA by limiting a former spouse’s claim to the servicemember’s retirement pay.

As it currently stands, the pay that a veteran’s former spouse receives upon the veteran’s retirement is based on the veteran’s rank and years served at the time of retirement. This means that the former spouse would receive benefits based on the veteran’s service that occurs after the divorce. So, if a servicemember gets divorced after the first year in the Navy, for example, and goes on to serve for another 10 years, all of the advancement during those 10 years would factor into the former spouse’s share of the retirement benefits.

If the new proposal goes through, instead of the former spouse receiving benefits for the servicemember’s entire military career, including advancement post-divorce, the benefits would be limited to the service member’s rank and years served at the time of the divorce.

Contact us for your Military Divorce

If you are currently serving in the military or are the former spouse of a servicemember, it would be wise to keep an eye on this bill.

The Denver family law attorneys at Divorce Matters can help veterans navigate the complex issues of retirement benefits in divorce.

The Divorce Ultimatum ”“ A Good Idea or A Terrible Mistake?

The ultimatum ”“ the pinnacle of high-risk-high-reward negotiating tools. If you don’t do X, then Y will happen. In some disputes with your spouse, you may decide that giving an ultimatum is the best way to get what you want. In some situations, it may work ”“ but often, even when you do get what you want, the issuance of the ultimatum can do irreversible damage to your relationship. This is especially true when the ultimatum stake is divorce.

Should I Give A Divorce Ultimatum?

The key to giving an ultimatum is to mean it. Too often, spouses use ultimatums as a sort of “cry for help” ”“ they aren’t truly saying, “If you don’t stop gambling, I am going to leave you,” they are saying, “please stop gambling, I don’t want to have to make the decision to leave you.”

Ultimatums are a last-resort method to change something going wrong in your marriage, not an empty threat that you aren’t fully committed to following through with. Ultimatum = ultimate = final. It’s the last straw, the breaking point, the coup de grâce. Issuing an ultimatum that you aren’t going to enforce will damage your relationship with the person (prolonging the problem) and ultimately will solve nothing for you.

The best way to avoid having to give ultimatums is honesty up front. Be clear about your needs in your marriage and how you are truly feeling, instead of making baseless threats. If you are not yet ready for divorce, try to work out your marital issues with a couples’ counselor or therapist. A third party neutral can offer insight and ideas that the couple is unable to see by themselves.

Our Denver divorce attorneys handle all matters of family law including mediation, arbitration, asset valuation and matters of spousal and child support.

Keeping The Ball Rolling On Your Divorce Proceedings

Some people think that the 90 day waiting period for divorce in Colorado is a hard deadline ”“ that three months from the filing date, they can wash their hands of a failed marriage and move on to bigger and brighter things. Ideally, that will be the case ”“ but as they say, the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry, and there are dozens of things that can go wrong that can lead to an extension on the divorce proceedings. Here are some tips to help you ensure that your divorce proceeds quickly and smoothly.

Helpful Tips for Smoother Divorce Proceedings

  1. Keeping in close contact with your divorce attorney is one of the best ways to make sure that your divorce proceedings do not suffer any unnecessary hang ups. While there are some parts of divorce that take some time to fully resolve, you should never feel like you are out of the loop, and close contact with your lawyer will help keep you informed of anything that you need to do to keep the ball rolling.
  2. Be available for your attorney. Just like it is important for you to reach out to discuss your questions and concerns with your lawyer, it is likewise important for you to be available if something comes up. Keep an eye on your emails, your cell phone and check your voicemails frequently just in case your lawyer is trying to contact you.
  3. Stay involved. If you have a meeting, say a mediation or a settlement negotiation, be there. Don’t push these things away because you feel they are unpleasant or you have better things to be doing. The more involved you are, the quicker you can hammer out the details of your divorce.
  4. Stay on top of your finances and cataloguing of your marital assets. With all the stress of the divorce, the bills, potentially having to find a new place to live or a new car, dealing with the kids, it’s easy to just want to sit back and watch some TV at the end of the day. Soldier on and get your papers in order ”“ you’ll have plenty of time later on to catch up on whatever the Kardashians are doing these days, but you only have a small window to make sure that your property and finances make it through the divorce unscathed.

What Not To Say To Someone Going Through A Divorce

Someone you know””a friend, a relative, maybe your parent or child””is going through a divorce. You know this person is hurting, and you want to show support, but sometimes we end up saying the exact wrong thing when we try to be helpful. Here are some things to avoid saying if someone close to you is currently going through a divorce:

“I’m so jealous that you get a fresh start!” People say this, believe it or not. In reality, the depression, doubt, and emotional turmoil of a divorce ”“ not to mention the court appearances and potential for child custody battles ”“ are nothing to be jealous of.

“Time to move on and start dating again!” Let the person going through the divorce decide the best time for this. Conversely, something like “Isn’t is awfully soon to start dating?” is equally ill-advised. Don’t judge or shame a person’s dating choices.

“Probably for the best. Did I ever tell you I saw him flirting with everyone?” This hindsight perspective is not helpful here. Your friend will likely wonder why you didn’t mention this sooner.

“I/we never really liked that person anyway.” We get that you want to commiserate, but what you’re also saying is, why did you spend so much time with that awful person? Trust us, your friend is already asking him or herself that. No need to pile on.

“So sorry to hear that you’re getting divorced.” Maybe instead say that you’re sorry for the stress they’re going through, because in many cases, getting divorced is the right thing to do. Saying you’re sorry to see it happen can have a shaming effect.

Oh my God what is wrong with you? This is about helping your friend, not proving that you were right. Drop the ego.

What to say instead:

  • “If you ever want to talk, I’m here to listen.”
  • “It sounds like you’re making the right decision.”
  • “How are things today?”
  • Nothing. Just listen and let them talk: people going through divorce often have a lot in their heads that they need to verbalize.

If you know someone going through a divorce, call them frequently. It doesn’t matter what you talk about: just the gesture, as well as filling the silence, will be immensely helpful. Or go visit them, and don’t forget the comfort food and the least romantic movie you can find.

Tips To Avoid Second Thoughts When Thinking About Divorce

One question to ask yourself when you’re thinking of divorce ”“ what happens if you change your mind? Divorce is not cheap, and if you begin the proceedings and then find that you don’t actually want to get divorced, that can cause a whole lot of financial stress that, predictably enough, can harm your relationship moving forward. If you are going to get a divorce, you want to be absolutely sure of your choice and feel confident moving forward.

Before You Divorce, Consider Professional Counseling

It is wise before divorce to consider seeking professional counseling. A professional counselor has seen many, many couples in strife and can help you determine whether the problems straining your marriage are solvable or if you are better off getting a divorce. If spouses are truly unable to resolve their differences, a counselor can assist them in preparing to separate in an amicable manner during the divorce proceedings.

To know if you are truly ready for a divorce, think about the following:

  • Are you using the word divorce as a tool to gain power over your significant other or to vent frustration? You should not use the word divorce as a weapon, and if you do, think to yourself: Are you being truthful with yourself, or are you letting emotion get the best of you? If you are in the midst of an argument, avoid making divorce threats. Remove yourself from the situation to allow your emotions to calm down before saying things you do not mean.
  • Why do you want a divorce? Is it a last-ditch effort to try and change your spouse into the person you want him or her to be? Or do you truly wish to end this chapter of your life and start anew? As we stated above, a counselor for couples or yourself individually can assist you in sorting out these issues.
  • Are you ready for the financial ramifications of divorce? Most couples of average means may have to downsize their lifestyles after divorce, as they now have two separate households instead of sharing one. Speak with a financial planner or CPA to help plan your financial future.
  • Remember to accept your children’s feelings throughout the process. Keep in close contact with your child’s school and teachers, and let them know what is going on so they can be understanding and best assist your child.

Consider all of these things and then ask yourself once again: is divorce what you need? If so, be prepared to start a new chapter in your life.

Can My Job Predict Divorce?

Contempt can foreshadow divorce. Money problems, too, can be an indicator of a future separation. But what about jobs? Yes, as it turns out, your line of work can contribute to divorce.

Here Are Some Of The Jobs That Lead To A Higher Risk Of Divorce

  • High-stress careers are not only tough on individuals, but also on couples. Someone serving in the military, for example, may spend long stretches of time away from his or her spouse. Both spouses deal with long periods alone and the thought that, if something goes wrong, they may never see each other again. The same kind of stress can affect families of firefighters, police officers and even pilots.
  • Jobs that exist in the public eye. Athletes, actors, musicians and even politicians undergo an intense amount of public scrutiny that can slowly erode a marriage. And it certainly can’t help walking into a grocery store or getting online and seeing the latest tabloid article about your imminent divorce, no matter how true or untrue it may be.
  • Servers and bartenders have high divorce rates. Long, irregular hours and the fact that many servers and bartenders work for tips can lead to emotional as well as financial stress for couples.
  • Massage therapists have an exceptionally high divorce rate. Jealousy and feelings of distrust tend to cause these divorces. Some studies say that almost 40 percent of massage therapists will face divorce.

Just because your job is on this list does not mean you will definitely get divorced. However, it may help you identify areas that are hurting your marriage and help you manage those problems.

Surprise Expenses In Divorce, & How To Avoid Them

Health insurance. Housing costs. Credit problems.

It is easy for financial issues to blindside you during divorce. Divorce is expensive, and that’s without including the hidden and future costs that you will face. If you are unprepared for life after divorce, you may find yourself teetering on the edge of a financial spiral downward ”“ preparation is key.

The simplest way to protect your financial future is to create a budget, a step that a shocking number of divorcees do not take. For those who do, many fail to follow the budget. Some overestimate how much money they actually have and others don’t realize how much they actually spend. Follow these tips to make sure your budget is accurate ”“ and then stick to it!

  1. Total all of your income sources. Your job, your second job and any other income you receive, such as spousal maintenance. Once you do, subtract any known costs you must pay, such as child support.
  2. Total up your recurring costs, such as your car payments, rent/mortgage and insurance payments. Once you have a list, consider eliminating some costs that you don’t need. Do you really need unlimited data on your cell phone, for example?
  3. Consider all fluctuating expenses. Entertainment, your morning coffee, haircuts, etc. If it is not an absolute necessity (you have a gym membership, but your new condo has a gym onsite, for example) consider eliminating that cost.
  4. Now that you have an accurate picture of income vs. spending, do you have income or a deficit at the end of the month? If the former, excellent! Consider putting that money into savings or a retirement account. If the latter, revisit your budget and see if you can eliminate any more unnecessary expenses.

Know this ”“ while a budget is valuable for any recent divorcee, it does not have to be permanent. Keeping yourself afloat during this tumultuous time will ensure that you have ground to stand on when you are in a better position financially.

Health insurance. Housing costs. Credit problems.

It is easy for financial issues to blindside you during divorce. Divorce is expensive, and that’s without including the hidden and future costs that you will face. If you are unprepared for life after divorce, you may find yourself teetering on the edge of a financial spiral downward ”“ preparation is key.

The simplest way to protect your financial future is to create a budget, a step that a shocking number of divorcees do not take. For those who do, many fail to follow the budget. Some overestimate how much money they actually have and others don’t realize how much they actually spend. Follow these tips to make sure your budget is accurate ”“ and then stick to it!

1.       Total all of your income sources. Your job, your second job and any other income you receive, such as spousal maintenance. Once you do, subtract any known costs you must pay, such as child support.

2.       Total up your recurring costs, such as your car payments, rent/mortgage and insurance payments. Once you have a list, consider eliminating some costs that you don’t need. Do you really need unlimited data on your cell phone, for example?

3.       Consider all fluctuating expenses. Entertainment, your morning coffee, haircuts, etc. If it is not an absolute necessity (you have a gym membership, but your new condo has a gym onsite, for example) consider eliminating that cost.

4.       Now that you have an accurate picture of income vs. spending, do you have income or a deficit at the end of the month? If the former, excellent! Consider putting that money into savings or a retirement account. If the latter, revisit your budget and see if you can eliminate any more unnecessary expenses.

Know this ”“ while a budget is valuable for any recent divorcee, it does not have to be permanent. Keeping yourself afloat during this tumultuous time will ensure that you have ground to stand on when you are in a better position financially.

Should I Talk To My Spouse During Divorce?

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. While you mostly hear those words in the context of crime, it is still wise to remember them when you are going through a divorce. The things you say to your spouse can easily come back to haunt you in court, especially when a divorce is contentious.

Does that mean that you should never speak to your spouse during divorce? Of course not. There are plenty of matters in a divorce that would be easier to figure out if both parties are on speaking terms. However, when you should speak to your spouse and what you should say are both very important considerations to make.

When To Talk To Your Spouse

You should only communicate with your spouse if the communications are to be positive, important and cordial. Feelings can run a little hot in divorce ”“ it happens, it’s normal ”“ but you want to keep a level head. If you act hateful or threatening, that will hurt you in divorce court in matters such as child custody.

Another thing to keep in mind: if you are speaking to your spouse through texts or emails or anything like that, it is wise to keep accurate and thorough records about these communications, especially the ones that involve important aspects of your divorce, such as visitation schedules, medical details or tax returns. As far as actual phone calls, you can record those as well without the other party’s consent in Colorado, but if the divorce is between two states, you should refrain from recording phone calls unless your spouse is also in a one-party consent state.

Same-Sex Marriage One Year Later, And Questions Still Remain

It has been a little over one year since the historic Obergefell v. Hodges Supreme Court ruling that struck down same-sex marriage bans across the country. That day came with much celebration and rejoicing, and over the course of the last year, many same-sex couples were finally able to make their love official. However, in the exuberance and fanfare, many couples may have jumped the gun, signing their marriage licenses blindly and without considering the potential ramifications if the relationship falls through. Specifically, what counts as marital property for couples who were already in a long-term relationship?

Does Property Acquired During a Long-Term Relationship Count as Marital Property?

Many same-sex couples who celebrated Obergefell by getting married had already lived together and been committed to one another for a long time. This means that these couples probably acquired quite a bit of property together, property that will need to be considered if the couple decides to divorce.

Marital property is property acquired during the marriage ”“ simple enough to understand. In divorce, marital property is divided equitably (not necessarily equally) between the spouses. But when it comes to same-sex couples who have only been legally married for a year (or a little more, since Colorado legalized it in 2014), does property acquired before marriage became legal count as marital property? Divorce law says no”¦but what about common law marriage?

Colorado is one of the few states where common law marriage exists. Common law marriage means that a couple is legally married if they both consent to be married and hold themselves out to the public as married. Even before marriage was legalized for same-sex couples, many couples swore their vows to one another in private ceremonies or even simply introduced their significant other in public as a husband or wife. Would these count as common law same-sex marriages, now that same-sex marriage is legal, and thus subject property acquired during that time to equitable division? It is a very fuzzy question and the answer has not really been established, though we imagine there will be cases coming through the courts in the years to come to determine the answer.

Can A Credit Report Predict Divorce?

Did you know that 67 percent of marrying couples are too embarrassed to tell their significant others what their credit scores are? That’s true, according to a certified financial planner with Delta Community Credit Union. That number is shocking, considering how important financial transparency with your spouse is to a lasting marriage.

In fact, not knowing your spouse’s credit score could be a predictor of divorce.

How Does Credit Score Predict Divorce?

The Federal Reserve looked at 12 million couples over the course of 15 years, studying their credit scores, and found that the higher your credit score is, the more likely you are to stay together. That may seem obvious, as a high credit score may demonstrate person is trustworthy and financially responsible, two positive traits in a partner. (Of course, these are not moral considerations. Many people have low credit scores due to circumstances beyond their control, such as unemployment and medical bills.)

The study also found that the closer your credit score is to your spouse’s, the more likely you are to stay together. For every 66-point difference between your scores, there is a 24 percent chance the marriage will fail within four years. Yikes!

Engaged couples should plan their finances together in a transparent manner and work out their future household budget, establish joint and/or separate bank accounts as well as retirement planning. The best ways to build credit with your spouse are to budget responsibly, set clear financial goals as a couple and meet with your spouse regularly about your finances. Even if your credit is bad, being honest about it and your plans to build credit helps foster goodwill between you and your spouse and help to build a long-lasting relationship.