How to Choose the Right Denver Divorce Lawyer

Finding the right Denver lawyer to handle your divorce can seem like a daunting task. You need to find a divorce attorney that is focused on you and your rights, and has the necessary experience to handle your claim. You need an attorney that has the same goals as you ”“ the last thing you want to do is argue with the person who is supposed to be representing your best interests! At Divorce Matters, we make it a priority to aggressively protect our client’s interests while keeping their individual needs in mind.

There are many Denver divorce lawyers. The right attorney will have the ability to work towards resolution, yet have the knowledge, experience and skills necessary to litigate the issues in front of a judge should the need arise. At Divorce Matters, we pride ourselves on our knowledgeable and experienced attorneys, each of whom intimately understands the maze that is the Colorado court system.

You also need an attentive attorney who will keep you informed and ensure that you play an active role in your divorce; someone who will work with you to resolve your legal matter in the best way possible. After all, no one will know your case and needs better than you. What is important to you? Protecting your assets? Spending as much time as possible with your children? Maintaining a positive, on-going relationship with your soon-to-be ex-spouse? The right attorney should ask what you find most important and should help you understand how you can assert and protect your rights. While it may seem like a challenge, keeping these things in mind will help you in find the right Denver divorce lawyer to help you.

What Marriage Counselors Need to Know About Today’s Divorces

While modern day divorce is certainly different than it was 25 years ago, going through a divorce will still be one of the most stressful and emotionally painful times in a person’s life.

There are a few things to keep in mind when counseling clients who are going through a divorce today.  For one, courts are overcrowded.  While most couples want their divorce to be resolved quickly, this rarely happens.  Inevitably, a couple will remain at the mercy of the schedule of the court regarding how quickly their divorce will proceed unless they are able to reach an agreement before going to court to have a judge decide.

The opportunity for these agreements often comes during the process of mediation.  Mediation is a required step for all couples moving through the divorce process in Colorado and, from the vantage point of an experienced divorce attorney, it is often the most important step.

When a couple cannot reach an agreement in mediation, they hand over to the court the responsibility to make a decision regarding their assets, liabilities, and most importantly, their children.  What most couples fail to realize is that judges see several cases each day and have hundreds of cases on their docket.  They do not have the time or ability to be abreast of everything that goes on in each case.

I always tell clients “no one knows your marriage, your children, or your divorce, better than you, least of all a judge who only knows you through court pleadings.”  Leaving every decision up to the court often results in outcomes that are not what either party wants.  Helping clients find the path of least resistance in their divorce will likely mean helping them understand that courts are bound to providing a “cookie cutter” decision, which might not fit their circumstances.  In mediation, however, the parties can make their own agreement, and tailor it to fit their needs, which would likely be outside a judge’s purview to order.

Oftentimes, mediations fail because people “want their day in court” to get “justice” or vindication for what happened in their marriage.  However, in Colorado, divorce is a no-fault process.  That means that while one party may have been unfaithful or may be the “reason” why the marriage failed, this information is usually irrelevant in any court proceeding and most judges will not entertain arguments made that include these facts.

Further, when it comes to the inevitably difficult decision of dividing parenting time, modern parents must remember to be realistic about what they want. Sometimes, people are stuck in the mindset that one party will have primary custody of the children, while one party may only have them every other weekend.  Today, courts are likely to order equal parenting time to each parent.  This may not be the best course of action considering the American work week is generally a long one, and a party who works 70-80 hours a week may not be in a position to have their children as much as their spouse, who works less.  Custody arrangements decided in mediation often yield a much more creative and practical agreement than what a judge will order.

The pressures of life can be overwhelming for a parent going through divorce, and the same stressors can trickle down to their kids.  When a couple is able to finalize their divorce outside of the courtroom, they will inevitably save money, but more importantly, the benefits of a custom-made divorce settlement agreement will help their kids, who will have a parenting schedule that is far more conducive to their success and happiness.

While there will always be divorce cases that end up in court, considering the busy dockets and high expense of litigation today, a couple who can settle their divorce in mediation will often reap the benefits of an agreement that was tailor-made to fit their lives.  Helping clients understand the importance of compromise and creative problem-solving is an important role that attorneys and other professional can play in the divorce process..

Helpful Resources for Divorcing in Colorado

Going through a divorce can often be a lonely, confusing time. Between the legal challenges, the financial obstacles, and your feelings of isolation or anxiety, it can sometimes seem like you have nowhere to go. But there are many resources available to divorcing couples, professionals in their industries who specialize in helping people through this transition. The question is how can you know which is the appropriate resource for your situation?

Here are some divorce resources described:

  • Therapist or Counselor. Therapists no longer have the same stigma today that they did 20 years ago. It used to be that people viewed therapy as something you did if you were crazy. It wasn’t true then, and it’s certainly not true now. Therapists are trained to help you through the most emotionally challenging times in your life. They will listen to you, help you see different perspectives or options, and provide guidance as needed. A therapist is also helpful for your children as they navigate their own feelings regarding the divorce.
  • Divorce Attorneys. When it comes to the legal side of a divorce, your best resource is your divorce attorney. They can give you legal insight and support during what is typically a complex and stressful process. Worrying about all the legal details in a divorce can not only create anxiety and stress in your life, but it can also put your family, your home, or your livelihood at risk. Your divorce attorney will make sure that all of the legal aspects are handled professionally and your rights are protected.
  • Financial Planner. Money is one of the most common sources of strife during a divorce. Hiring a financial planner to help you sort through your joint finances””as well as your own personal finances””can be a source of relief and comfort. It can also be a necessity, depending on how complex your financial situation is. Financial planners can help you divide joint assets and debts, such as jointly owned retirement funds or properties. Also, while a financial planner cannot guarantee what maintenance fees you will receive, they can help you budget those fees as a soon-to-be single person.
  • Divorce Coach. Instead of focusing on just one area of divorce, like financial planners or attorneys, a divorce coach is a professional who specializes in assisting you through the entire divorce process.  A divorce coach can be someone to lean on, someone to give encouragement, or someone to help you make good decisions while you go through this emotional time. Rather than listening and trying to uncover the source of your feelings, as a therapist would, a divorce coach focuses on problem-solving and taking action. Many divorce coaches have experienced divorce themselves, and they can help you build a roadmap for the future, calling on all the resources at your disposal to move forward.

Divorce is difficult, there’s no question about that. But you don’t have to do it alone. There are numerous professions and resources available to you. A good attorney can be the first stop. They should be able to provide you with additional resources to help you navigate this challenging time.

How many of you have used a divorce coach in your own divorce? Did it help? Share your experiences with us.

Spreading the News: Telling Others About Your Divorce

It seems, sometimes, that everyone has an opinion on how you announce your divorce. Some people change their Facebook status. Others share the news in person. And, of course, there is the increasing frequency of divorce parties, a trend first spotted several years ago.

With so many communication options at our fingertips, it can be hard to know how best to best deliver the news about your divorce.

As lawyers, we are hardly experts on social norms regarding divorce communication. But, we do have some experience seeing what works for others.

Here are a few tips that we would recommend to you when you are telling people about your divorce:

  • For close friends and family, clearly face to face is the best avenue, with the telephone the next best option. Family members and friends often have their own apprehensions and concerns about divorce and its impact ”“Face-to-face (or voice-to-voice, as the case may be) contact can provide reassurances about what the future holds and reduce the worry and concern your friends and family may have about you.

It is always advisable to let your inner circle know first ”“ before you update your Facebook status or send a blast email, which brings us to tip #2:

  • For acquaintances, e-mail, text, or social media all seem to work just fine. Changing your relationship status on Facebook, for example, can let more casual acquaintances know about this change in your life. But keep in mind that Facebook posts can have an impact on divorce proceedings. Change your status, if you want the world to know about your divorce, but be careful how much you say and to whom. Heed the same warnings when texting the news. Texting is also being used more and more frequently as evidence during divorce proceedings.
  • The divorce party trend emerged several years ago””and today, there is quite a cottage industry surround them. Sending out “divorce announcements” or throwing a “divorce party” was once considered tacky, but more and more people are electing to mark the change in their lives with some sort of event. That said, divorce parties are not for everyone”¦
  • Something a bit more common””and less controversial””is a tasteful change of address card or notice. Often, these include the names of both parties to the divorce.

Divorce can be difficult to talk about””and challenging to announce to those we care about most. The most important thing is to find a way to let your friends, acquaintances, and contacts know the news in a way that is comfortable to both you and your soon-to-be ex. And be sure and consider the repercussions of an announcement if your proceedings are still in process. Use common sense and limit the degree of disclosure in your announcements to protect and respect all parties, including children, in the process.

Surviving That First Holiday Post-Divorce

There is always a holiday right around the corner, from the very big ones””like Passover and Easter””to those we celebrate with less fanfare, like Memorial Day. Regardless of the holiday, for most of us, these days can bring anxiety and worry or rekindle feelings of loss. For the recently separated or divorced, the first holiday””large or small””can be difficult, as you close the door to past traditions and activities and initiated new ones.

Here are a few tips to help you get through your first holiday after divorce:

  1. See the first holiday as a new beginning. Divorce is the ending of a relationship, but it is also the beginning of a new phase in your life. Divorce is a major transition in anyone’s life. Take the opportunity to create a new start. Make new holiday traditions. Do something you have not done before.
  2. Do not hide from the holidays. For many people””especially if you are an introvert””when you feel pain, you want to find a safe space to crawl into and hide. Resist that urge during the holiday. Spend time with your friends and family. Go to your neighborhood egg hunt with the kids. Visit a friend’s house for dinner.
  3. Focus on the right things. Instead of focusing on your anger or sadness, remember the spirit of the season. If you celebrate Passover, think about overcoming obstacles and hardships. If you celebrate Easter, think about new life and beginnings.
  4. Spend extra time with your children. Your kids might be struggling with spending a holiday without both parents or dividing their time. Spend extra time with them to let them know they are loved and appreciated, even if both parents are not there. Try starting some of those new holiday traditions with them.
  5. Take care of yourself. We give this advice frequently, but it bears repeating. Divorce is hard. That first holiday after your divorce can be especially hard. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Get a massage, speak to your therapist or trusted friend, or make some time to meditate.
  6. Be polite. If your children are spending this first holiday season with your ex, you may be struggling with even more feelings of loss, anger, or sadness. But make your life (and your children’s) easier. Be polite to your ex. Your kids will already be struggling. Make it as easy for them as possible.
  7. Keep busy. We understand that you may want some alone time. But if you are spending the holiday without your children for the first time, try planning something to keep busy. Maybe you spend time with family and friends, or maybe you go serve soup at a shelter. Keeping busy helps you focus on the good parts of the holidays and think less about the challenges.

Holidays are a time for fun and joy, but for the newly divorced, they can be also be tough. Try some of these tips to make the holiday easier. And above all, take care of yourself emotionally and physically.

Taking Charge of Change: Divorce Matters Helps Women in Transition

Taking Charge of Change: Inspiration for Women in Transition, an event created by women for women facing divorce or the death of a partner, is being held on March 15, 2012, at Artwork Network (878 Santa Fe, Denver, CO) from 4:30 to 6:30 pm.

This event is free to attend and designed to give women access to the range of emotional, financial, legal, and physical resources they might need during a divorce.

This event kicks off an upcoming seminar series that features advice, seminars, and professional expertise for separating or newly single women””advice and information that will help them take charge of the changes they face to move forward with their lives.

The kick-off event on March 15 features two talented, accomplished women who have juggled motherhood and careers, coupled with life-changing divorces. Heidi Williams, the Mayor of Thornton, will lead off the evening’s presentation. Mayor Williams is a politician, business owner, and mother who understands the challenges busy women face as they balance all of life’s responsibilities. Once divorced and now remarried, Mayor Williams will share her secrets for turning personal change into opportunity.

Colleen Bushby, founder of Savvy Divorced Chicks, is a nationally known expert on personal transformation for women facing divorce or other significant life changes. When Colleen faced her divorce””with four young children in tow””she turned her personal crisis into a new beginning, launching a new career and uncovering the keys she needed to take back her power, emotionally, financially and personally, during and after her divorce.

At the March 15th event, financial experts, family and relationship therapists, and image experts will be on hand to talk to women about maintaining their financial, emotional, and physical well-being while navigating newly single lives.

For more information on this event or to register, visit www.divorce-matters.com/events, email info@divorce-matters.com or call 720.542.6142.

The March 15th event will be followed by a month-long, four-part series to help newly-separated or newly-single women balance well-being while managing personal change.

Those sessions will provide women with access to experts who can help them with all aspects of the changes touching their lives, including:

April 5”“ Dr. Pat Covalt, Family and Relationship Expert
4:30 to 6:30 pm / Strings Restaurant, 1700 Humboldt, Denver, Colorado
Few divorces are smooth and easy from an emotional and psychological perspective. Dr. Covalt will share her secrets to navigating the emotional waters and protect your emotional health and the health of those most impacted by the divorce.

April 19”“ Maureen Kelley, Wells Fargo Wealth Services
4:30 to 6:30 pm / Strings Restaurant, 1700 Humboldt, Denver, Colorado
Take charge of change to improve your financial health. Maureen Kelley from Wells Fargo Private Wealth Services will explain how women can exercise greater control of their finances to achieve greater financial health, particularly when change happens.

April 26”“ Keri Blair, Keri Blair Image Experts
4:30 to 6:30 pm / Strings Restaurant, 1700 Humboldt, Denver, Colorado
As mothers, wives, and working professionals, women often lose self-esteem as they seek to accommodate so many different expectations. Keri will show women how to look and feel better physically, a key component to greater emotional balance and health.

For more information, call 720.542.6142.

To register, visit www.divorce-matters.com/events or email info@divorce-matters.com.

Filing for Divorce: Recognizing the Final Straw

After being married for 77 years, 99-year-old Antonio learned that his 96-year-old wife, Rosa, had cheated on him in the 1940s. She admitted to the affair, but the two were unable to reconcile their differences, and Antonio filed for a divorce.

Was the 60-year old affair a complete deal breaker in an otherwise happy marriage? Or was it simply the final straw that broke the camel’s back?

The couple had, in fact, separated for a time earlier in their relationship and had experienced marital problems. Finding out about his wife’s affair was just the impetus Antonio needed to take action.

This is far from unusual in divorce cases. Couples who come to speak with us about getting a divorce may point to one reason for the decision””maybe infidelity or financial problems””but often that one incident comes after many other symptoms or problem signs.

Sometimes, recognizing or seeing the signs can be a challenge. How can you tell the difference between run-of-the-mill bickering and a significant problem? Below, we have pulled together a few signs that your marriage may be in trouble:

  • You never talk anymore. Or maybe you talk, but you do not seem to have the long, significant conversations that you once did. Maybe you feel like you have run out of things to say or that you’re just not interested in hearing about your spouse’s lousy day at work. Regardless, communication breakdowns are often one of the first signs of deeper problems.
  • You look for opportunities to spend time apart. It is one thing to have an occasional girls’ or guys’ night out or to seek some alone time, but when you are actively avoiding your spouse’s presence often, you may have a problem. It may not even be going out. You may be avoiding your spouse when you’re in the same room. TV, reading, surfing the web””whatever your escape is, if you would rather do that than talk to your spouse, there may be cracks in the relationship.
  • You find yourself arguing more and more about insignificant things. Divorce is not always triggered by huge fights. Sometimes it is smaller fights””even about seemingly unimportant topics””that add up. This is especially true when it seems like you are always fighting about the same thing. Sometimes it may feel that you bicker and argue more often than you enjoy each other’s presence.
  • You have lost that loving feeling. Intimacy is an important part of marriage, whether it is physical or emotional. Couples whose relationships are struggling often have a hard time with both. An increasing gulf and reduced interest in intimate connection between you and your spouse may be an earlier warning sign.
  • You or your spouse is hyper-critical or hyper-sensitive. As a couple grows apart, they may find themselves being easily irritated or easily hurt by the smallest things. Some people who come to talk with us complain that they feel like they can do no right anymore. Others complain that their spouse is constantly criticizing them.

Conclusion

These are just a few of the early warning signs that all is not as it should be in your marriage. Though every couple is different, we hear story after story of marital problems that started off small and grew to be enormous. If you are starting to see cracks in your marriage, counseling and therapy can be relationship-savers, if you get there before the problems become too big. Do not ignore the early warning signs. If you really want to save your marriage and avoid divorce court, find a therapist and start working on the small issues now. Divorce, more often than not, stems from the little things that build up. The big incidents, like Rosa’s decades-old affair, just tip the scale.

Five Things to Consider Before Filing for Divorce

Usually, by the time a potential client enters our office, he or she has already made the decision to file for a divorce. However, sometimes people do come in to weigh their options, and find out about the process of divorce, because they have not yet made up their minds. They may be seriously considering divorce as an option but have questions about the process, what they can expect, and what they should do to prepare themselves””and often their children””if they should choose to proceed.

With this in mind, this week’s blog post is a bit of a departure. Rather than writing for those who are divorced, this post is aimed at those who are struggling with what is often a protracted and painful choice: whether to file for a divorce.

We are not therapists, and we do not provide relationship advice. But what we can offer are a few things you should seriously consider before filing for a divorce””whether you choose to do so on your own, or with the guidance of an experienced family law attorney.

  • Recognize your biggest concerns. Every divorce begins with warning signs. Whether you are considering divorce because of infidelity, money woes, or other issues in the relationship that have become untenable, the full scope of your concerns (and possibly challenges) may or may not be readily recognizable. If you are unhappy in your marriage, do your best to identify the root problem and corollary trouble spots. Knowing your concerns will make it that much easier to work through them and address your emotional and psychological needs during the divorce process.
  • Act now. If you are worried about your marriage, and you think you want to work out your problems, act quickly. Once serious thoughts about divorce begin, negative emotions associated with your marriage ””anger, bitterness, distrust””have often taken deep root. The longer you connect these negative feelings to your marriage””and, often, your spouse””the harder it will be to move past them and on to a healthier relationship if staying together is the optimal course.
  • Speak to a counselor. Before they initiate a divorce, many couples find that speaking with a counselor or therapist, either together or apart, is highly beneficial. In many cases, couples therapy is desirable, but if that is not an option, see one on your own. Talk through your hot button issues with a neutral third party. These are safe spaces to express concerns and uncover some of the underlying issues that may be at work.
  • Be ready for hard work. As you and every other individual in a long-term relationship knows all too well, no relationship is easy. Marriage can be one of the most  important and challenging relationships, given how it is woven through every fiber of your life from finances, parenting, work, extended family relationships, to day-to-day living. If your mind is not made up, be prepared to put some time and work into your relationship to fix any problems you may be having.
  • Make an appointment with a Denver divorce attorney. If, after making an attempt to resolve the issues in your marriage, you are still unhappy or are still having problems, speak with a divorce attorney. Make sure you are fully informed and understand the process, the timeframe, and what you can expect to happen during your divorce. Divorce law is complicated, and an attorney can give you a better picture of what you may be looking at in terms of time, expense, and most importantly, outcome.  There are so many things that happen in a divorce, and decisions made will impact your family’s life significantly.  An experienced attorney can help you see the road ahead so you can navigate it easier, with fewer surprises, as you move down it.

Conclusion

For every couple who will divorce, there is one who will not.  Divorce is not the right solution for everyone experiencing turmoil or deep difficulties in their relationship. Before you make a decision one way or the other””to work hard and stay together, or to go your separate (but often forever intertwined) ways””give yourself the gift of time to fully consider the options.  Talk to experts in family therapy and relationships, and meet with a family law attorney who can help you take proactive steps, regardless of your final decision and its outcome.

Six Questions to Ask When Choosing a Divorce Attorney

Recently, Frank and Jamie McCourt, owners of the Los Angeles Dodgers, reached a mutually agreeable divorce”¦with Jamie getting a settlement of $131 million in exchange for the rights to the Dodgers. Frank McCourt now faces bankruptcy, and may have to sell the team.  Shared finances, joint property, and joint debt:  while the dollar amounts may be a bit different, the issues Frank and Jamie faced, and will continue to face, are echoed in virtually every divorce in every part of the country. With all these financial (and reputational) assets in play, both of the McCourts had divorce attorneys who were hand-selected and carefully chosen to meet each of their very specific needs. And, of course, no legal expense was spared.

While every divorce is painful, most of us do not have the same level of assets and the financial ability, or willingness, to fight to the bitter end.  Further, it should not be necessary. Every divorce is difficult and every divorce brings out the worst side of a person whom we once could not live without. Every divorce is full of grief, anger, and the full range of emotions you can imagine.  Perhaps the biggest difficulty of divorce is accepting that things will change in your family’s life.  It is impossible for a couple to divorce and have everything to stay the same.

Often, emotions get the best of us in the divorce process. Some of us have a flight mentality, meaning we just want to fold our tents and get out as quickly as possible with as little emotional damage. Others want to fight for everything, down to the dog bowls and the everyday silverware. However, neither of these options has to happen, either.  Most importantly, you don’t have to bankrupt yourself to emerge from the process with your best interests protected.

Many people avoid hiring a lawyer for fear of just one more cost in an already costly process. But divorce attorneys are often a key to saving yourself money, protecting your present interests, preserving your future ones, as well as helping your family to find the best solutions to the inevitable disagreements that arise during a divorce.

Like the McCourts, you can, and should, have an attorney who can specifically meet your individual needs, if it is in your best interests and personal situation to have counsel.

Below are six questions to ask when meeting with a divorce attorney for the first time:

  1. Does the attorney specialize in divorce law? Attorneys who focus on divorce law know it inside and out and can anticipate pitfalls before they happen. They understand the nuances of family court and negotiating through what can be volatile situations. They should have experience with local family judges and magistrates (make sure and ask) and will know a great deal about those judges and how they will react to particular elements of your divorce proceeding.
  2. What are the attorney’s priorities? Your divorce is not about their priorities; it is about yours. Is he or she all about winning the most money? Protecting the children? Standing up to the demands of the opposing party? Your attorney’s priorities should align with yours as they set about handling your case. Most importantly, your attorney must be willing to understand your priorities and give you the best advice given the particulars of your case and situation. Critically, that advice will not always be what you want to hear, either.
  3. Is the attorney willing to call in outside expertise? In some divorce cases, finances or parenting situations can be highly charged. Is your attorney willing to call in a CPA or a valuation expert to value the family business? Does your attorney have therapists to recommend if your child is struggling with the divorce? Has your attorney worked with Child Family Investigators or Parental Responsibility Evaluators?
  4. How much does the attorney charge? Attorney costs are often one of the things feared most as people initiate divorce proceedings. Do not be afraid to ask about fees. How do they bill? Based on your case and finances, what alternative arrangements can they offer? Can they assist you in a do-it-yourself divorce for a smaller fee set in advance? Good attorneys offer no surprises when it comes to money. Ask questions about how and what this will cost? Feel free to ask what it might cost if you go it alone.
  5. Does the attorney come recommended? Can you speak with past clients or read client reviews somewhere? Is your attorney recognized by his or her peers in law directories for their good performance? Have they been disciplined by the state bar, and what were they disciplined for?  Do not shy away from asking for the names of past clients to talk with to understand their experiences first-hand.
  6. Do you trust the attorney? Attorney-client trust is vital to the success of your case. How do you feel about the attorney you are meeting? Is he or she friendly and approachable? Did you have a good rapport or did you feel awkward and uncomfortable? Remember, you will have to hear things you might not like during a divorce case. Does he or she seem like someone who will give you a straight answer, even if it is unpopular?

Conclusion

Choosing the right attorney is one of the most important decisions you will make during your divorce. These questions will hopefully help you evaluate your options, so you can choose a divorce attorney who will always have your best interests in mind.

Five Lessons From Celebrity Breakups

It doesn’t matter who you are, how many people you know (or know you), or how much money you make. Everyone, regardless of fame or fortune, will face the same life lessons in patience and strength when going through a divorce. Celebrity does not make the emotional and psychological challenges any easier, and it is likely that the media scrutiny exacerbates them. However, because celebrity divorces are so public, there are many ways we can learn from them.

Let us take a quick look at popular culture for some lessons we can learn from celebrity breakups:

  • Your posts or tweets can strike back. Rumors of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore’s split went viral after a few suspicious activities on Facebook and Twitter that caught discerning eyes. We also learned from Anthony Weiner’s Twitter indiscretions that social media is not the slightest bit private, and quite possibly the poorest forum for proving fidelity. While many of us have a perception of privacy when we’re on Facebook or Twitter, that perception isn’t reality. Not only are they not private, they are not fleeting, like we often believe. Nothing on the internet really ever disappears, and what you post or tweet may come back to hurt you later on.
  • Always keep an open mind towards ending your relationship peaceably. Kelsey and Camille Grammar had a very public and bitter divorce, with mud slung around from both sides”¦right up until the last moment. Their conflict came to a close with an amicable settlement that ended the relationship sooner than anticipated, leaving Mr. Grammar free to re-marry within a matter of weeks. Even though it feels like the person you once loved is now your worst enemy, try to overcome your anger and bitterness, especially when children are involved. Remember that although you may no longer be married to a person, it is highly unlikely that your contact will cease the day the Judge signs the Decree. You may be sharing custody of children or continue running a business with your soon-to-be-ex in the future. Remember it is possible to resolve your differences and end the relationship amicably, which is a positive for everyone involved.
  • Finances are one of the hardest hurdles you will face. Whether you make millions from blockbuster films or have a middle-class income, the subject of maintenance, which was once called alimony, is often one of the biggest sources of contention in a marriage. Maintenance, which does not include child support, requires agreeing on a “fair” amount for one spouse to pay another, and for what time period. This is often a very difficult mountain to climb. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, after 25 years of marriage, are struggling with this very topic. Though Arnold has not contested child support, he has objected to paying spousal support and Maria’s attorney fees. Money can quickly make bitter enemies. While child support is calculated by statute, it is very common for parties to quibble about the factors that go into a calculation. Parenting time and gross monthly income are not as cut and dry as one might think. It is important to find the right attorney, financial advisor, and support system that can help you protect your interests. It is also important to make sure your team will go about handling maintenance in a respectful and civil way that protects all parties to the process.
  • Life will go on, and things will get better. When you are going through a divorce, it can seem like your whole life revolves around it. It can be hard to look beyond the stress and see improvement in the future. But it does come. Look at Jennifer Lopez and Marc Antony, for example. Both seemed visibly shaken by the divorce, after all, celebrities are people, too! However, both have moved on, with Jennifer moving into new high profile ventures and Mark choosing to ramp up his singing career.
  • And then there is Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian. There is little wisdom that we can glean from Kim’s and Kris’ short stint in matrimony, except of course, that having the first months of marriage filmed for a reality show may not be the best idea. However, it’s certainly been good for the tabloid business.

Conclusion

Every day, we see stories about famous couples getting married and getting divorced. Fame and fortune do not make things easier. However, because their lives are so public, perhaps there are a few things we can learn from them to apply to our own experiences and circumstances. We can see the mistakes and pitfalls to which celebrities so often succumb, and hopefully by doing so, we can avoid them ourselves. Most importantly, we can also learn from famous couples who handle a very difficult divorce with dignity and maturity, even when it is the hardest thing to do.