Child and Family Investigators (CFI) and Parental Responsibility Evaluators (PRE) are court appointed evaluators that can play a number of roles in a child custody issue. These professionals conduct an investigation of the relationship (issues like relationship history, problems, and lifestyle) and write a report making suggestions on what they believe is in the best interest of the child. The judge will read the report and recommendation before hearing the case; but is not bound by the evaluation. The CFI/PRE will act as a neutral investigator for the court and can be called as a witness, if needed. Often times these reports favor one parent over the other.

CFI vs PRE

CFIs and PREs work in similar ways, but a PRE evaluation will go deeper into the life of the relationship than a CFI evaluation. PREs are sometimes used when one parent doesn’t like a previous assessment by the CFI. PREs and CFIs can be expensive; CFI fees are generally capped at $2000* while PRE fees can be up to $10,000 or more, depending on the case. PREs can also conduct psychological evaluations, while CFIs cannot. In the broad scope PREs are not used nearly as often as CFIs, but it is important to know the difference between the two. An experienced attorney will be able to help you decide which one may work best for your case.

Who can be a CFI/ PRE?

A CFI can be an attorney, mental health professional, or anyone with knowledge of child development. CFIs and PREs are regulated by the State of Colorado and must pass an FBI background check before being eligible for appointment by the court. PREs will meet the CFI standards but will also be experts in family or child development. It’s a smart idea to research the CFI/PRE in your case and the internet it a good place to start looking at blogs or social media. DORA is another place you’ll want to check for complaints and disciplinary actions.

Child Family Investigators and Parental Responsibility Evaluators can be extremely useful tools, when used correctly. In some cases, multiple PREs or CFIs can be used; in either case it is important to have an experienced Denver divorce attorney to help guide you through the process.

*As of January 2016 the cap on CFI’s is now $2,750 which does not include testimony.

There are a number of ways to help you children appreciate what they have around them. In a world of text messaging, social media, and celebrity glorification, teach your children that strong character is one of the most important traits to possess.

1. Take kids to volunteer
Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community while teaching your children about compassion and helping others who are less fortunate. There are a large number of organizations that you can work with, choose one that will be a good fit for your family.

2. Give them a sense of community
Community means working together to accomplish group goals. Having your children work around the home for a common goal is a great way to help foster a team mentality. Mowing the yard, vacuuming, dusting, doing laundry, etc. are all great ways of letting children know they can be productive around the home. You can use this to teach them small lessons disguised as chores. Taking care of the home will also help build strong long-term habits for later in life, when your kids have their own families.

3. Teach them the difference between doing a job and doing a job well
One lesson that takes most adolescents a long time to learn is that doing and job and doing a job well are very different things. Teach them that doing the job, to the best of your ability the first time, will save them time in the long run and give them a sense of accomplishment. Doing a mediocre job will, more than likely, cause you to revisit the project and re-do some part of the work you already spent time on. Save yourself the extra work and frustration by doing your best, the first time.

4. Teach them that defeat is a mindset
There’s a saying that goes something like: “Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality.” This can have a profound impact on the life of anyone who truly believes the saying. Being defeated is a temporary state of mind that isn’t a final destination. Give them the courage and support to get back up, every time they fall.

5. Say what you mean, mean what you say
This is a topic that could benefit anyone on the planet. Show young ones that doing what you said you will do, when you said you will do it, can get you a long way. Too often people give their word and make promises that go unfulfilled. Make sure that you lead by example and follow through with the actions you have committed to. Making this a habit early in life will help form a young adult with character.

Make sure that you children know that you value them. Even if parental relationships are strained, your children will know that your feelings for them will not change. If the time comes where parents separate, you can be confident that you’ve passed along positive habits that will help foster honest, long-term relationships.

It’s hard talking to your children about divorce, so why not let someone else find the right words? Grab a blanket, gather the stuffed animal friends, and snuggle in with these picture books well-suited to broaching some of the thorny issues that arise with a changing family dynamic.

1. Dinosaurs Divorce (A Guide for Changing Families)
by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown.
Suitable for children 5-8 years old, this popular book covers everything from what divorce words mean to how to tell your friends about your modified family situation. The comic-book style makes it more of a reference guide than a plot-driven narrative, so you’ll definitely want to keep coming back to it as new concerns emerge.

2. Was It the Chocolate Pudding?: A Story for Little Kids about Divorce
by Sandra Levins and Bryan Langdo.
This light-hearted book for preschoolers and kindergartners features a father as the primary caregiver, and helps children navigate the age-old question of whether the divorce is maybe their fault.

3. Two Homes
by Claire Masurel.
Two Homes, in which the story of young Alex reassures children they will continue to be loved despite divorce or separation, is a classic in this genre. As one reviewer noted, you might want to purchase two copies of the book””one to keep at Mom’s and one to keep at Dad’s.

4. Horton Hatches the Egg
by Dr. Seuss
No child’s library is complete without a generous dose of Dr. Seuss, but this particular title caters to those with absentee parents. As the egg’s mother flies off to Palm Springs to start a new life, Horton’s tale covertly shows us a single parent can always share double the love.

5. Mum and Dad Glue
by Kes Gray.
“My mum and dad are broken, I don’t know what to do. My mum and dad have come undone, I need to find some glue,” begins this book about a boy who tries to literally patch his family back together. It’s a sweet reminder there’s often no quick-fix solution to problems at home.

6. Every Second Friday
by Kiri Lightfoot and Ben Galbraith.
This picture book prepares children for their new shared custody arrangement through the excitement Marge and Totty feel for the days they get to spend with their father, who no longer lives at their house.

7. I Don’t Want To Talk About It
by Jeanie Franz Ransom.
The aim of this book is to validate the range of feelings a child might experience upon hearing his or her parents are to divorce. When everything gets too overwhelming, for instance, don’t turn into a bird and try to fly away; instead, roar like a lion to remember how brave you really are (maybe that’s where Katy Perry got her inspiration?)!

We would like to add to this list, so please recommend your favorite divorce-themed children’s books on our Facebook page.

Although a recent study suggests divorce does not, fortunately, affect children too negatively in the long-term, the initial breakdown of the family unit does clearly impact their emotional and social well-being. Since Colorado courts are fully aware parents will need to deal with both the immediate aftermath of a divorce announcement and the subsequent years of co-parenting, most judges will now require a post-divorce parenting class before granting the final decree of dissolution.

These parenting education programs are not mandated by state law, but counties such as Arapahoe, Douglas, El Paso, and Teller are ordering them in all divorce and parental responsibility cases involving minor children. They must be taken by a set deadline (63 days from the date of order in Arapahoe County, for instance), and you will need to show a certificate of completion from an approved class before final orders can be set. Failing to attend one of the classes will naturally delay your divorce, and could also jeopardize your custody agreement.

There are several organizations that offer these classes, but it’s important to ensure the curriculum satisfies the requirements of your Domestic Relations Court””especially considering some judicial districts will not accept online courses. An approved class led by Parenting After Divorce, for example, meets for a single four-hour session that touches on strategies for protecting your children from choosing a side, maintaining a business-like co-parenting relationship, and formulating a detailed parenting plan. This introductory class is available six times a month in English, once a month in Spanish, and costs $65.

Alternatively, some county courts host the parenting classes themselves. In El Paso County, a Children and Families in Transition Seminar (CFIT) moderated by an attorney or mental health professional occurs three times a month and costs $40. Moreover, they offer a free child care service during their Friday seminars (call ahead to reserve a spot: 719.452.5499) and will also waive the registration fee for those receiving assistance from Colorado Legal Services.

A statewide list of approved parenting classes may be found here. In order to better advise our clients in the future, please share any positive course reviews with us by tweeting @divorcematters.

Do you remember that touching scene in an early episode of “The Brady Bunch,” where Carol tells Bobby that “the only steps in this house are those, and they lead right up to your bedroom?” It was such a graceful way of explaining that Mike and Carol had adopted each other’s children as their own, and that there were to be no step-parents or step-siblings in the blended Brady household.

Step-parent adoption is a relatively (ahem) common choice amongst today’s blended families as well, with about 50,000 adoptions made official annually.  If appropriate given the birth parents’ situation, it can be a truly wonderful way of bringing a family together.  Unlike international or domestic adoptions, step-parents do not need to complete parenting classes, undergo a home study, or shell out thousands of dollars to take over guardianship of a child. In Colorado, a step-parent may adopt a spouse’s children if:

*  The other birth parent has abandoned the child for one year or more, or has failed to support the child for one year or more
*  The other birth parent is deceased AND the surviving grandparents do not assert their own rights for guardianship
*  The other birth parent willingly relinquishes his/her role in court, meaning he/she will no longer be financially responsible for the child or have a right to parenting time with the child
*  Any children aged 12 and older give their own consent to be adopted.

Note that if the birth father is unknown or not listed on the birth certificate, you will still need to make a reasonable effort to contact any possible candidates in order to properly terminate his parental rights.

Once an adoption petition is approved, it takes about four weeks for a new birth certificate listing the step-parent as the official custodial parent to be issued. The step-parent is then legally and financially responsible for the child, while the child becomes entitled to inheritance rights and benefits on behalf of the step-parent. In other words, adopting a step-child reaffirms your commitment to their well-being and offers a reassuring sense of stability to your family.

Finally, same-sex couples who are in a recognized civil union before the birth of their child no longer need to go through this step-parent adoption process; Colorado now lists both mothers or both fathers on the official birth certificate from the very beginning.

Terminating the rights of the birth parent is often a delicate and complex process; please contact one of our experienced attorneys if you need help completing this, or any other step, in the adoption process. Find us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/DivorceMatters.

 

Did you watch the latest episode of ABC’s Trophy Wife? Desperate to have a proper family holiday, Malin Akerman invites both of her husband’s ex-wives to celebrate Christmas together with their children. Her intentions are certainly sweet””this is indeed a season for loved ones and traditions, but the night ends in disaster (save for an amazing Ace of Base tribute).

This sort of feel-good family Christmas might be ideal for a television show, but it’s just one of the many parenting plans real families deliberate between over the winter break. It would certainly be lovely if everyone could come together and partake in the well-worn rituals of pajama mornings and viewings of It’s A Wonderful Life, but don’t try to unite for this one occasion if there’s still too much animosity between ex-spouses. There’s no point in ruining the holidays with emotional baggage and having your children talk about it in therapy for years to come.

At the time of final orders, many families opt for the 50-50 split, with one parent taking on Christmas Eve and the other Christmas Day. This sounds great in theory, but the practicalities of shuttling children around can be a logistical nightmare and will certainly cut into some of the holiday traditions””not to mention the constant concern of “Will Santa know where I am?” If you do go this route, Wevorce CEO Michelle Crosby suggests making the transition between houses at unique times in order to squeeze in as many hours of festivities as possible.

Attempting to share the holidays also makes traveling””whether to see other family, or for some fun in the sun””over the winter break nearly impossible. In the end then, it may be best for one parent to sacrifice this time of year altogether and to either take the reins the following year or to use Thanksgiving as a sort of early Christmas. There are several rituals, such as decorating the Christmas tree, going ice skating on Evergreen Pond or waiting for the ball to drop on New Year’s Eve, that can be observed throughout the month of December and will still create plenty of festive moments.

The most important thing to remember while finalizing those holiday plans is to keep everything child-centric. If your son or daughter needs to see Mommy and Daddy together on Christmas morning, draw on the spirit of the season and try your best to deliver that picture-perfect scene. If you don’t celebrate Christmas or if the celebrations don’t extend much past the turkey dinner, arrange to split the holiday into big chunks of time (a week each, at least) so that your children can go on that ski vacation after all.

Finally, don’t turn everything into a competition for attention with your ex-spouse. As difficult as it might be, solidify your plans well in advance to ensure you do gift your children with loads of magical holiday memories.

Happy Holidays from all of us at Divorce Matters! Tweet us @divorcematters with your holiday parenting tips.

A top Denver child custody attorney can increase the chances you will win your child custody case by doing the following:

Top Denver family attorneys know how to determine which custody issues are worth taking to court and which issues are not. Each custody matter has plenty of issues that can be brought to court.  However, not every issue is worth asking the Judge to decide.  In fact, if certain issues are not settled out of court, the failure to resolve those issues may annoy the Judge and cause the Judge to discredit the more important custody issues. 

Once it is determined which custody issues should be taken to court, the best custody attorneys painstakingly sort through all of the possible evidence and pull out those facts which have the best chance of persuading the Judge to grant your custody request.  This phase is extremely important because not all facts will persuade the judge to change custody.  The best attorneys know that just like certain issues can annoy and turn off judges, so can certain facts.  

The top divorce and custody lawyers locate and interview witnesses and obtain important documents before they step into court.   It is amazing how many divorce and custody lawyers, even those with experience, walk into child custody hearings unprepared. Even though there were witnesses to interview and subpoena, documents to gather such as e-mails, text messages, correspondence, medical records, police reports and other evidence, many divorce lawyers simply do not do their due diligence before going to court.  The top divorce lawyers stand out and win custody cases based on their preparation and attention to detail. That is the type a lawyer you want on your side.  

The top divorce and custody attorneys remain focused on the best interests of the children.  Too many lawyers get caught up in their client’s own allegations as well as that of the other parent that they forget the entire focus of a child custody case is the children.  Therefore, a good attorney will teach his or her clients how to remain focused on what is in the best interest of the children.

The best custody attorneys in Denver determine how to present your custody issues and the specific facts of your case to the court in the most persuasive manner possible.  The best attorneys do this by determining which witnesses will testify, what they will testify about, and the order in which they will testify. 

The best lawyers do not waste their client’s money unnecessarily on litigation that will not help the case progress toward resolution or trial.  Some family law attorneys will waste their client’s money on unnecessary litigation that accomplishes little to nothing in a child custody matter, but instead stalls the process and causes more strife for both parties which trickles down to the children. 

The best divorce and custody attorneys also manage their client’s expectations. Few things are worse than an attorney telling a client that a particular result will most likely occur when the lawyer knows or should know that such a result is not likely. The best attorneys do not make promises to clients about specific results.  Even with extensive experience and knowledge, the best attorneys understand that no one can predict the future in any divorce or custody case. However, that same experience and knowledge teaches the best lawyers that there are outcomes in a divorce and custody case that are more likely than others.  

The best attorneys also work hard to represent clients with the right intentions.  They will not represent a parent who intends to use their children as leverage or who are emotionally or physically abusive toward the children.

Therefore, when looking to hire an attorney, ask the attorney how they intend to give you the best chance of prevailing in your custody matter and get the right result for you and your children.

When is the perfect time to settle your divorce or custody matter in Arapahoe County ”“ or in any other County?

Any time!

I was reminded about this the other day. Settling a divorce or custody matter takes time and work. You actually have to continue thinking about overcoming the obstacles that are in the way of settling.   If you can get the other side to set forth in detail what they want and what they are concerned about, you might be able to create a settlement that actually gives them what they want and alleviates their concerns, and works for you as well. The “trick” is thinking creatively and thinking long term. The other “trick” is to realize that being right, or proving a point, is not the goal of settling a case or resolving a dispute. The goal is settling the issue or dispute and moving forward.

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