Preparing for Divorce: Finances, Kids, and Protecting Your Interests

There comes a point when you must admit your marriage is over.  You’ve tried everything from marriage counseling, personal therapy, and maybe even living apart.

But before you take the plunge, the best attorneys advise that you will fare much better if you prepare. It may seem heartless, but if you plan on getting divorced, or if you think your spouse may want one from you, there are some matters you should take care of first.  Addressing these issues before your partner even realizes you are ready to get divorced and you will be ahead of the game during the legal negotiations that will occur sooner than you think.

We know that the notion of a pending divorce”“even one not yet broached with your spouse”“can send you into a tailspin. The mere thought of getting divorced can cause a range of emotions, including relief, fear, disappointment, excitement, and dread.  But no matter what you feel, you must push these emotions aside and take some practical and strategic steps before anyone else gets the ball rolling:

1. Hire a lawyer that practices in the Denver Metro area.  Unless you have been married for only a short time, or you have no property or children, hire a lawyer. Even if you and your spouse have “worked everything out,” or have chosen a mediator, your personal family attorney may tell you about rights you did not know you had.  Remember, you do not need an F. Lee Bailey, but you should find someone who has handled divorces before, someone you can afford, and someone with whom you feel comfortable. Word of mouth is usually a good way to locate attorneys, but do not go by recommendations alone. Meet a few lawyers before making up your mind. This will help you learn about the differences in legal style between lawyers and help you find one that is good for you.

2. Learn your spouse’s annual income. Do they have a salaried position, or is paid by the hour, the information should be on a recent pay stub. If you cannot get one, last year’s tax return should help.  If your spouse is self-employed, a tax return may not tell you the full story.  Do a little detective work. Does your spouse have a partner? Are you friendly with the partner’s spouse? They may know about the business and be willing to share what they know about it.  Is someone else in the partnership divorced? That partner’s former spouse might be willing and able to help you.

3. Realistically assess what you can earn. Have you been out of the job market for a while? Perhaps you need some time to get your skills up to speed before taking the plunge. Has business been off lately? Keep a record of that now, so no one later accuses you of deliberately reducing your income to negotiate a more favorable settlement.

4. Learn everything there is to know about your family’s financial assets and liabilities.  You will only be able to share in assets you know about, so you must find out exactly what the two of you have. For most, that’s probably easy. There’s a house (owned by the bank), a car (still owned by the dealer), a pension (not yet vested), and a little bit of savings. But for some, property ownership is more complicated. In some cases, one spouse’s business is a marital asset to be valued, and a judge can distribute its value. The same may go for a ski house or condominium, even if inherited during the marriage.

5. Realistically assess your family’s debt. Often, the allocation of debt is harder to prove or negotiate than the division of assets. What debts do you have? Credit card, personal loans, bank loans, car loans? How much does it cost to pay these debts each month?

6. Make photocopies of every family financial record you can find. Canceled checks, bank statements, tax returns, life insurance polices”“if it is there, copy it.  You may never need this information, but if you do, it is good to have.

7. Make a list of your family’s valuables. Inventory your safety deposit box or family safe and take photographs of the contents. Do the same with jewelry or any furniture, paintings, or other items of value. You needn’t list every worn out piece of furniture, but anything with a value of more than $250, or that has value to you, or your spouse, should be included.

8. Learn how much it costs to run your household now. Whether you plan to stay in the home or leave, unless you know what the monthly costs are, you will not be able to determine how much money you need. If you’re the one who pays the monthly bills, your job is easy. If you are not, look through a checkbook to find the expenses”“how much is the monthly rent or mortgage; utilities, including electricity, heat, and phone; and maintenance costs such as snow removal, yard care, and annual maintenance for the house.  One woman we know, a well-educated profession, who had a full-time career, did not know the first thing about the family’s monthly expenses because her husband’s business secretary made out the checks and paid the bills from the office. She was embarrassed to confess her “ignorance,” but she is not alone.

9. Determine where you will live following separation. If you’re the spouse who plans to move out, decide where you are going to live and figure out how much it will cost you on a month-by-month basis beforehand. This will make your case much more difficult to settle.  Consider what it will cost to move and calculate start-up expenses, including telephone installation and turning on electricity and cable.

10. Save money, if at all possible. One unemployed wife of successful business owner wanted a divorce immediately. Her divorce lawyer, however, convinced her to be patient.  He advised her that it would be better to wait a year before filing for divorce.  During that time, she was instructed to save enough money, hopefully, to move out and pay for her expenses on her own.  It was not easy, but the wife saved enough to move out a year later.  After she was settled in her own apartment, her lawyer then went to court and got the judge to order her husband to pay her monthly rent until the divorce was finalized.  If the wife had not moved out, the judge could not have directed the husband to pay her rent because she wouldn’t have had any rent to pay.  Instead, she might have been stuck in the house, with her husband, until the divorce was final or forced to spend her meager savings on rent; and that could have taken far more than a year. (While most Judges will address the non-working spouse temporary support, you cannot count getting temporary maintenance or the amount of the maintenance.)

11. Build up your own credit. If you don’t have credit cards in your own name, apply for them now. You may be able to get them now, based on your spouse’s income, and you will probably need credit later. Use the cards instead of cash and pay the bill by the due date.

12. Stay involved or increase your involvement with your children. First, this is important for your children because they will need all the support and reassurance they can get during the unsteady and hectic times ahead.   Plus, courts consider the depth and quality of your relationship when making custody and visitation decisions.  Therefore, more involvement now could translate to continued involvement, at a higher level, after the divorce, as well as the custody agreement you want and is best for your children.  Take a look at your own behavior.  Have you been so busy earning a living that you have let your spouse do the majority of work raising your children?  If so, now is the time to reallocate your priorities. If you have school-age children, help them get ready for school in the morning, help them with homework at night, and help get them to bed. Learn who their teachers are, who their doctors are, and their friends. If your children are not yet in school, spend as much time with them as you can before and after work. Even if you do not have much of a chance in getting custody, you will become a better parent and have a better relationship with your children.  Take heed from a much-publicized custody battle involving a famous film director and his former partner.  The father’s case for joint custody was severely weakened when the judge learned he did not know the names of his children’s pets or teachers, or their shoe sizes. Although many parents may not know their child’s shoe size, the Mother’s lawyer made a big deal out of it.

13. Withdrawing money from the bank. If you fear your request for divorce will send your spouse straight to the bank, withdraw half of the money in all your savings accounts first. Place the money in a new account, and keep it there until you and your spouse can work out the distribution of property. Do not spend the money if at all possible. If the money is in a checking account and you know the account is nearly emptied every month to pay bills, do not withdraw any part of that money. You will create financial mayhem if checks bounce.

14. Consider canceling charge cards. If you are the party responsible for paying credit card bills, consider canceling your accounts”“or at least reducing the spending limit.  Often times, the announcement of a divorce causes one party to go on a shopping spree.

If you have additional questions, contact Divorce Matters, and arrange to meet with an experienced denver divorce attorney.  Divorce Matters helps clients throughout the Metro Denver area get the best results possible in their divorce and child custody matters.

 

Do Great-Grandparents Have Visitation Rights in Colorado?

In Colorado, by statute, a grandparent can ask the court to grant them the right to have visitation time with their grandchildren.

However, what about great-grandparents?

A recent Colorado Court of Appeals case, In re the Parental ResponsibilitiesConcerning M.D.E., 2013 COA 13. No. 12CA2482, has made it clear that a great-grandparent does not have standing, or the independent legal right, to seek visitation.

In M.D.E.,the father challenged the district court’s order granting the great-grandmother’s motion to intervene.  The Court of Appeals looked at the statutory definition of a grandparent, which states that a grandparent is “a person who is the parent of a child’s father or mother.” Based on that definition, the Colorado Court of Appeals determined that a great-grandparent cannot be considered a grandparent within the meaning of the statute and, therefore, does not have standing, or the legal right, to seek visitation with their great-grandchild.

So, what can we learn from this case?

While the issue of great-grandparent visitation is uncommon, if you are going through a divorce and it is important to you that the child’s great-grandparents have time with the child, and your soon-to-be ex-spouse is not a fan of them, you may want to try incorporating visitation time for the great-grandparents into your parenting plan.

What Factors Determine Child Custody in Colorado?

Child custody can be one of the most contentious and emotional issues in a divorce. Parents and children usually need an experienced Denver Child Custody Attorney to help them negotiate an arrangement that meets the needs of the child and parents.  Divorce can take a significant emotional toll on a child and the parents.  A solid custody arrangement that is drafted by a skilled Denver Child Custody Attorney will minimize the stress on both the child and the parents. It will also allow each parent to provide the best care he or she can for the child.  At Divorce Matters, we will make sure that each parenting plan we draft will be done in a manner  that works best for you and your children.

Under Colorado Law, child custody is broken into two parts:  (1) Parenting Time;  and (2) Decision Making.

Parenting Time:  Parenting Time is the amount of time the children will spend with each parent.  For example, parenting time might have the children spending 60% of their time living with one parent and 40% of their time living with the other parent.  Parenting time will also allocate how vacations and holidays will be spent with each parent.

If the parents cannot agree on parenting time, the court will have to determine the proper parenting time for the children.  In determining a proper parenting time, the court will adopt a parenting plan that the Judge thinks is in the best interests of the children.

Decision Making: Decision Making involves how decisions affecting the raising of each child will be made.  Decisions regarding the raising of each child include, but are not limited to, issues involving medical care, schooling, religion, sports, camp, and other extra-curricular activities.

If decision making is allocated to both parents, then both parents have to agree in order to make these decisions.  It is important that your attorney seriously look at how decision making will be allocated and for which decisions.   Most judges will split decision making and grant “joint” decision making.   However, when joint decision making is granted and the parents cannot agree on issues such as sports, camp, religion, medical care, or schooling, decision making can become a serious problem for many divorced couples; especially those in which one parent withholds their approval merely to control an ex-spouse.  In essence, joint decision making can grant an over controlling parent the right to harass and ex-spouse by withholding approval of almost every decision of the other parent.   So, make sure you attorney understands these potential difficulties when determining whether joint decision making is proper in your case.

Not all Denver divorce and Denver child custody attorneys are created equal, so choose your attorney carefully.

Do Joint Holiday Celebrations Spell Trouble Post-Divorce?

When parents begin the divorce process, they soon realize the difficulty and reality of the task at hand.  One of the most difficult decisions they may encounter is dividing holidays and special occasions.  As holidays and special occasions tend to hold a special place in our memories, it can be difficult to face a change in traditions. Some parents might be tempted to agree to jointly celebrate certain holidays and celebrations.  For example, one parent might propose that birthday parties be held with both parents attending so the child has a single birthday party with both parents.  Parents may be tempted to go this route with the idea that it will maintain a sense of family and security for their children, as well as help them to feel less guilty about the divorce.

This type of agreement will only work if the parents get along and are able to work together; however, there are several considerations parents should make before entering into this type of agreement.  They must consider the reality of what will happen in the future, as it is very likely that each of them will move on and find another partner.  In addition, most parents who divorce will face some conflict in the future as issues arise regarding the children.  You may find yourself at odds with the other parent and then forced to “invite” the other parent into your new home for a birthday party or other event.  If forced to “invite” the other parent, the tension of the situation can be felt by all who attend the occasion.  Or worse, if you choose not invite the other parent, you may find yourself dragged into court by the other parent for not allowing them to attend the event.

Unfortunately there is no “one size fits all” answer when it comes to parenting and divorce.  The right answer will depend on your personal situation.  Parents facing these issues should think long and hard before agreeing to joint celebrations.  Something to keep in mind, it is always easier to invite someone by choice, rather than by obligation.

Colorado: Nonparents May Apply for Parental Rights

A recent decision by the Colorado Court of Appeals is good
news for those seeking parental responsibilities of a child that is not the
parent of the child.  The court found in In
re M.W., 12CA0771, 2012 WL 4464386 (Colo. Ct. App. Sept. 27,
2012), that a psychological parent who has standing under C.R.S.
14-10-123(1)(c) (2012) may bring an action for parental responsibilities
without having to show that the parent(s) of the child is unfit to parent.

Many courts were reluctant to intervene with a parent’s
fundamental right to parent after the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision in Troxel
v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57 (2000).  In
Troxel, the court held that parents have a fundamental right protected
by the Due Process Clause to make decisions concerning the care, custody, and
control of their children.  530 U.S.
at 66.

In re M.W. has set a clear test for the courts to
follow in these matters.  The court found
that while a presumption exists favoring the parent, allocation of parental
responsibilities to a nonparent can be ordered if the nonparent has standing
and can show by clear and convincing evidence that 1) the parental
determination regarding parental responsibilities is not in the child’s best
interests and 2) it is in the child’s best interests to allocate parental
responsibility to the nonparent.  2012 WL
4464386 at *3.

While the clear and convincing standard is a high evidentiary
burden, this case has set a clear standard for the many step-parents and same-gender
parents who are seeking allocation of parental responsibilities.

Helping Your Children Deal with Divorce

As any divorcing parent knows all too well, divorce takes a toll on the kids””even in the most amicable splits. From the emotional to the physical, children have many needs that parents must address, all while they struggle to balance their own emotions and make difficult decisions.

Recently, I came across an organization””Rainbows for All Children, Inc.””that helps parents and kids deal with the emotional toll of divorce. They’ve created a packet full of tips and insights for divorcing parents.

Rainbows for All Children is an international nonprofit founded to help children deal with grief, including feelings of grief stemming from divorce. They’ve put out a terrific packet chock full of practice tips for parents on helping their children cope during and after divorce. Here’s a link to a PDF copy of the packet.

A few things we found most helpful include a list (on page 4) of what children need””from the child’s perspective””during their parents’ divorce. Some of our favorites on their list include:

  • I want to be allowed and encouraged to love and be loyal to both of my parents
  • I am upset when I am interrogated about my time with my other parent
  • I need the transition between parenting time to be comfortable and flexible

Divorce impacts children differently by age, too, which means parents of two or more children may have to employ different strategies for each child as they help them transition. The packet includes a great list of the various reactions to divorce your kids might have, based on their age. Here are common reactions for a child 3 to 6 years in age and some recommended actions by family caregivers:

Age Level Reactions ”“ Child 3 ”“ 6 years

  • realize someone is missing in family unit
  • blames self; believe their actions control others’ behavior
  • identify with opposite sex parent
  • maintains fantasies of parent’s return
  • fears abandonment
  • yearning for absent parent

Reactions

  • regression in behavior, bed wetting, thumb sucking
  • irritable
  • aggression and hostility

Caregiver Responses

  • attention
  • nurturing through cuddling
  • explain changes that are occurring
  • teach appropriate ways to release hostility, aggression
  • reassure of love

This is a very helpful packet of information for divorcing parents. There’s also a great piece on creating a strong single-parent household and dealing with post-divorce reality, which brings its own share of ups and downs.

Divorce is never easy on the children involved, but the folks at Rainbows have put some strong tools in place to help ease the transition.

Telling the Kids: Parenting and Divorce

Oftentimes, people wonder how much they should tell their children about their divorce. There are a lot of challenges that divorcing couples must wade through with their children. It’s not just about custody and parenting time. There is an ocean of emotional issues to swim through. How do you explain the divorce to your children? How do you cope with your own whirlwind emotions while still helping your children through theirs?

Here are some tips to help you through your communication with your children:

  • Prepare ahead of time. Be ready for the hard stuff. This is a confusing time for your children, regardless of what age they are. Their world is being changed forever, and they may be scared and uncertain or feel like they have to take sides. Those occasionally painful or awkward questions will arise, and when they do, it will be easier if you have prepared yourself emotionally. If you start to get frustrated or upset, take a few breaths and try to remember that they are just as upset as you are and will need to be comforted.
  • Be civil. Nothing puts children in a more difficult spot than being privy to the betrayed feelings and hostile emotions of one or both parents. Children already have a sense of responsibility regarding their parents’ divorce, they may wonder if it was something they might have done to cause the divorce ”“ or if there was something they could have done to prevent it. Protect them from the glare of the strong emotions you are likely feeling and stay away from negative characterizations of your spouse.
  • Be honest. Children are very in tune to the changes in the atmosphere and mood in their household. Even if you have not mentioned a single word about the divorce to them, they may already be aware that things are not all as they should be. They do not need to know every detail about your divorce, but what information you do provide should be honest.
  •  Focus on them. You are going through a very difficult time right now, even if your divorce is amicable. So are your children. It is perfectly understandable and okay for them to feel upset, sad, or scared during this process. Listen to their questions and concerns and answer thoughtfully, no matter how hard it seems when faced with your own struggles.
  •  Find a confidante. Find someone you can vent your emotions to, so you don’t have bottled up emotions that may spill over into your interactions with your children. Your soon-to-be-ex-spouse is still your children’s parent, and they are likely experiencing their own emotional ups and downs. A good confidante can help you avoid being tempted to give them yours. If you can, consider speaking to a therapist about the process.
  • Spend quality time with your children. It can be easy to get caught up in your own challenges, so set aside some time especially for your children. Ideally, they should spend time alone with both parents, so they still understand that they are important to you and that you won’t abandon them. Find fun things to do that take you and your kids away from the wave of emotions all of you are likely experiencing ”“ take a nature walk, watch the sun set, play ball, whatever you enjoy doing together. Even little breaks can help everyone maintain their emotional balance.

Conclusion

What children want more than anything during a divorce is to feel like things will be normal again ”“ even if it is a new normal. They need to know they are still loved, valued, and cherished. There will be good days and bad days with kids during the process, and their emotions will manifest in many ways, from acting out to withdrawal. They may be confused, angry, and scared. Remember to find small respites in the day to make things feel normal again. Taking care of yourself is also important because it allows you to take care of them.

Tips for Co-Parenting Over Summer Break

Summer is right around the corner in Colorado””which means school is out and kids’ schedules are about to change. For separated or newly divorced parents, summer can bring added quality time spent with the kids, but also worry and anxiety as parents juggle modified schedules, summer vacations, and visits from out-of-town family and friends.

Here are a few tips to make adjusting to summer schedules easier for you and your ex:

  • Review your co-parenting plan. When you divorced, you may have already created a parenting plan that includes summer vacation. Every summer brings changes to schedules, from camps and summer vacations to visits from out of town friends and relatives. All can impact your co-parenting plan. Further, summer schedules for children can change a parent’s schedule, with camps or other care arrangements starting or ending at different times. Review your parenting plan and adjust for summer. When are vacations scheduled? Are grandparents visiting? Where might scheduling conflicts arise and what are backup plans for childcare then?
  • Communicate. Whether you want to take your child on your vacation or enroll him or her in a summer camp, talk with your ex as soon as possible. Check that your plans and your ex’s plans are compatible. If they are not, start discussing necessary changes early. Do not let yourself be caught off guard once you have already made plans.
  • Be detailed. Create a summer plan. Who has your children when? Are you alternating weeks or weekends? Will either of you have your child with you for a longer period of time during the summer? How about who will be picking up your children after summer care and when? Delineate it all on paper (or on the computer, as the case may be).
  • Talk to your kids. Older children will likely have some input over summer schedules, so be sure and engage them early as plans for the summer begin to solidify. What activities will they be involved in over the summer? Will they attend summer camp, daycare or a combination of both? Be sure and include your children in conversations about the impact of summer schedule changes and what it might mean to co-parenting arrangements.
  • Share costs. Summer vacations and events all cost money. Review your separation agreement. Does your child support include extra summer activities, such as daycare? If not, be ready to talk to your ex about sharing the costs of unforeseen joint expenses.
  • Do not stick your kids in the middle. Summer vacation is a time of fun and relaxation for your children. Do not make them choose between you and your ex. You can have plenty of fun planned without making it a competition between you and your ex.

One of the most challenging parts of co-parenting is cooperation. It is also the most important part. By planning and communicating with your ex in a civil and cooperative manner as summer schedules emerge, you can make the school break fun and stress-free for both your children and yourself.

Two Moms, One Baby: Colorado Sheds New Light on King Solomon’s Dilemma

In the Interest of S.N.V., a Child,
And Concerning C.A.T.C., Petitioner-Appellee
And N.M.V., Respondent-Appellee,
And B.V., Intervenor-Appellant

10CA1302

Petitioner-Appellee (“birth mother”) and Respondent-Appellee (“husband”) are parents to minor child, who was born in 2007. Petitioner brings this case, seeking an allocation of parental responsibilities. The Intervenor-Appellant (“wife”) seeks to establish her rights as the minor child’s legal mother. It is clear to the Court that the minor child was conceived through sexual intercourse between husband and birth mother.

What remains in dispute are the circumstances surrounding the minor child’s conception. Husband and wife asserted that there was a non-verbal agreement that birth mother was to act as a surrogate. As part of this agreement, they attended all of birth mother’s medical appointments and paid for all her expenses relating to the pregnancy and birth. Husband and wife claim that they have been the minor child’s sole caregivers since his birth.

Birth mother claims that the minor child’s conception came from an intimate relationship between her and husband. She states she was involved in the care of the minor child for the first two years of his life, but that husband severed her contact with the child.

The crux of this case is that two women are claiming to be the minor child’s mother. In a 2000 Colorado Supreme Court case, N.A.H. v. S.L.S., two men claimed to be a child’s father, one biologically, and the other because he was married to the mother and received the child into his home, and held it out as if it were his own. In N.A.H., the Colorado Supreme Court held that “neither the presumption of legitimacy nor the presumption based on biology is conclusive,” meaning that both men had a claim to paternity of the child. One claim was based on statutory presumptions, and the other was based on biology, or genetic testing. The Court held in N.A.H. that the competing claims must be decided in the best interests of the child.

The Colorado Appellate Court has held that this interpretation of the UPA should also apply to maternity actions. Under the UPA, giving birth, or biology is one way to determine a parent-child relationship, however, this relationship can be proven by any other proof that is specified in § 19-4-105. A woman’s proof of marriage to the child’s father, or her proof of receiving the child into her home, and holding the child out as her own may establish the mother-child relationship.

Having remanded the case back down to the trial court the Colorado Court of Appeals stated that it did not suggest that a court must treat biological relationships and relationships based upon statutory presumptions as being equal. It merely stated that “these interests must be considered, along with all other relevant facts, in determining the outcome of an action under the UPA.”

The trial court will now have the task of weighing the two women’s legal claims to the child, as well as what is in the child’s best interest in this matter, to determine which woman will have the legal mother-child relationship with the minor child.

How to Deal with Exes and Parenting Issues Post-Divorce

Our Twitter feed has been full of great tips for dealing with ex-spouses this week! Whether emotionally or legally, dealing with your ex after your divorce can be a bumpy””but often necessary””ride. The most common reason an ex stays in your life after the relationship ends is shared custody of the kids. If you have children together, your life will likely never be completely free of a former spouse””even after the kids enter adulthood.

Maintaining a civil relationship with an ex””in most cases, except instances of abuse or violence””can benefit everyone involved, particularly children. It may not always be easy, but here are a few tips for dealing with an ex in ways that everyone can live with:

  • Do not badmouth your ex in front of your kids: Face it””everyone is human. And all of us are tempted at times to express anger, frustration, annoyance, or sadness when the kids are going to visit the ex. For your children’s sake””and for your own mental health””please refrain. Seriously. It will not help you, and it certainly is not good for the children to feel stuck in the middle. In fact, try and go the opposite direction. Be generous. Let your children know your ex””their mother or father””loves them as much as you do, even if””inside your head””you have negative thoughts. Try to remember that the most important people in this relationship are your children. They will watch your actions as well as listen to your words. And it is not just the kids who will benefit. Avoiding arguments, harsh words, and negative emotions will reduce your own stress. Find someone to confide in””a good friend, family member, or therapist””and save your negative thoughts for a better setting and recipient.
  • Adjust to changes and be understanding: Your ex is dealing with his or her life too. There may be times when he or she is late for the children’s drop-off and pick-up. Or maybe there is a work conflict or an after-school activity to navigate around. Try to be flexible and understanding. Life happens, so be open to changes and adjust as best you can. If unplanned changes to parenting schedules and visits seem to be happening often, it might be time to review arrangements. If your ex is late to a few drop-offs, the world will not end; however, if it is a precursor to more serious behaviors or habits, consider whether there will be long-term effects. Again, the most important person here is your child. Will this behavior eventually impact your child negatively? If not, do your best to be flexible, even when it is hard.
  • Find neutral help: If you are finding it beyond difficult to maintain civility””and believe us, it happens””find someone who can act as a go-between or mediator for you. This can be a friend or family member, but it should be someone who both of you like and respect””and importantly, someone who can be neutral. This neutral party could then attend drop-offs and pick-ups or any additional meetings between the two of you regarding your child’s upbringing. Often, involving someone who is not directly affected can defuse a tense situation and keep everyone calm.
  • Keep the lines of communication open: Whether your child is having a hard time adjusting to the divorce, is involved in sports that bring frequent schedule changes, or even is having problems in school””you and your ex will need to be able to communicate. The first step is to find the communication style that works for both of you. It could be that email is easiest because face-to-face dredges up too many emotions. It could be that you need a neutral third party we discussed above. Either is fine. Just pick what works for you and the kids and make sure to keep talking. If you see a potential problem at your home with your child, make sure you let the other parent know. If your child is interested in joining a sport, and the games will require out-of-state travel, talk to each other. Communication in any fashion that reduces stress, prevents misunderstanding and ensures both parents know all they need to know to effectively address a child’s needs is the ultimate goal.

Conclusion

Your marriage may have ended, but you will always have your kids in common””and that means a little extra challenge when you are adjusting to life as ex-partners. Whether it is scheduling joint attendance at events, juggling the challenges of daily scheduling or child-rearing challenges, you and your ex will want to develop new””and perhaps unexpected””coping and communication skills to make sure children grow up with as much involvement and interaction from both parents as possible, despite the divorce.