Category: Child Custody

A new study on child custody was recently posted in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health suggesting that children are much better off when they spend time living with both parents after a divorce.

Conventional wisdom might suggest that children suffer undue stresses due to the physical and social upheavals that occur when the child has to go back and forth between parents. It’s not easy for a kid to be cooped up in a car every Friday and Sunday night, after all. But the study, conducted out of the Centre for Health Equity Studies in Stockholm, Sweden, showed that the back-and-forth doesn’t matter ”“ kids like to have access to both parents.

Studies Show that Parental Engagement is More Important than Stable Housing

Researchers analyzed national data from about 150,000 students from the 6th and 9th grades to compare stress levels by examining psychosomatic health problems including sleep issues, concentration deficits, loss of appetite, headaches, stomachaches and emotional responses like irritability and depression.

The majority of the children studied were a part of a nuclear family, and the data suggested that these kids had the least amount of stress. Of the remaining numbers, researchers found that students who lived with both separated parents suffered far fewer problems than those who lived solely with one parent. The investigators theorize that allowing the children to engage regularly with both parents is more valuable to the children than having a single place to live, and that having two resource pools ”“ for social circles, family and material goods like money ”“ reduces the feelings of vulnerability that children may feel when restricted to one parent. And then there’s also the added bonus of double holidays.

If you are struggling with child custody issues, this study could help you decide whether a joint custody situation would be best for your children. If you need help with determining a custody arrangement, speak with a qualified family law attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Source: http://time.com/3836627/divorced-parents-joint-custody/

Colorado lawmakers are entertaining a new bill, Colorado Senate Bill 15-129, that would recognize parental rights as fundamental rights and mandate that divorcing parents share custody of their children.

Supporters of the bill believe that shared custody (or parenting time, as we call it in Colorado) is in the best interests of the child and that both parents have a right to raise their kids. Opponents of the bill warn that this kind of guaranteed 50/50 custody could force the child into situations that do not necessarily benefit their growth and development.

The bill has support from both sides of the political spectrum, but some groups adamantly oppose it, including the Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The CCADV believes SB-129 places the rights of parents ahead of the rights of children. The group supports keeping the “best interests of the child” standard in Colorado and having each family decision decided on a case-by-case basis. The CCADV is concerned that a preference for 50/50 custody would place an undue burden on victims of domestic violence.

When Might a 50/50 Parenting Arrangement Not be in a Child’s Best Interest?

The current system of determining the child’s best interest looks at the child’s relationship with both parents, their ability to learn and grow with each parent, the educational opportunities afforded to them on both sides and the behaviors of the parents.

An even split of custody seems like a good idea on paper, but there are many circumstances where a 50/50 arrangement might not work in practice. The child’s age could play a big part in deciding parenting time, especially in the case of infants. A breastfeeding mother, for example, could require more time with the baby. If the parents do not live close to one another, an older child’s schooling could be negatively affected if a 50/50 arrangement is made. If one parent is never around ”“ due to work, for example ”“ the child could be better off with the present parent.

If you are having trouble determining a custody arrangement for your children or wish to seek a modification of terms, speak with an experienced child custody attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Child Custody Lawyers

Source: http://kdvr.com/2015/04/14/bill-would-give-parents-going-through-divorce-equal-time-with-their-kids/

The sun is here to stay, and the school year is reaching its home stretch. That means that soon enough, the kids will be on summer vacation (lucky them!).

For divorced parents with shared custody, summer vacation can be one of the most stressful times of the year. Parenting time can become a huge source of conflict, especially when one parent plans a vacation that takes the children far from the other parent.

Tips for Divorced Parents and Summer Vacation

Generally speaking, it is always best to inform the other parent if you are taking the children on vacation. In some cases, you may be legally obligated to do so: for example, if the vacation cuts into the other parent’s parenting time.

If your vacation will not involve crossing state borders and occurs during your parenting time permission is not normally required. However, notification is usually a requirement, including contact information for where the children can be reached. Many parenting plans will require notification to the other parent if the parenting time parent intends to take the children on any overnight trip longer than a weekend.

If you plan on visiting another state, depending on your parenting plan you may be required to get permission from the other parent or from the court. Restrictions on this tend to depend on the circumstances of your family history.

If you are going to leave the country, many parenting plans require the permission of the other parent, because the child will be outside of court jurisdiction as well as state and federal jurisdictions.
If vacation planning is presenting you with confusion, speaking to your family law attorney could help alleviate your concerns.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Divorce is never easy, particularly when there are children involved. Kids may not be old enough to understand anything about the divorce beyond the fact that their world, as they know it, will change completely. And while it is okay to feel stressed or overwhelmed by a pending marital separation, you should pay extra attention to the children to make sure that they are not suffering as a result of your stress. After all, you as a parent are the rock keeping the kids grounded. Here are some tips to help your children cope through this uneasy time:

• Minimize extra stress on the children. They have it hard enough knowing that their parents are separating. While it is okay to give children chores to do, the kids should not have to pick up any excess slack. Don’t make them do all of the cooking or cleaning, for example, just because the parent who used to do those chores is no longer around.
• Don’t talk about adult things around the kids. They don’t need to know about your money issues, or stress or any problems between you and your ex-spouse. Using your children as a way of venting these frustrations will only serve to make the divorce more difficult for them. Speak to a close friend or family member who is an adult.
• Do not make the older children act as a babysitter for the younger children. This is an easy way to force a child to grow up too fast. A child in his or her late teens can perhaps shoulder the responsibility every once in a while, but a younger child should not be babysitting. Call a family member or a friend.
• If you start dating someone new, keep the kids out of it until you are certain that the relationship will be long-term. You must be sure that your new partner is someone you want your children to build a relationship with. Otherwise, you could hurt the children even more if you and your new partner separate.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Did You Know?: Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these children, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.

“Adopting one child won’t change the world, but for that child the world will change.”

Colorado has different kinds of adoptions; however, the state does not allow birth parents and prospective adoptive parents to enter into contractual agreements to adopt a child, also known as private adoptions.  In Colorado, if it is not a familial or custodial adoption, you must go through an agency, either a county human services department or a private adoption agency.

When a child is adopted the rights and responsibilities of the birth parents come to an end.  A birth parent cannot reappear one day and try to reclaim rights to the child.

Any person over the age of 21 can adopt.  Those under 21 will need special permission from the Court.  If you are married, you and your spouse need to file jointly for the adoption.  If you are single, you can file on your own.

One of the most common forms of familial adoptions is a stepparent adoption.  A stepparent can adopt their stepchild if their spouse (the child’s parent) agrees and the child’s other biological parent either provides their consent or has abandoned the child for a year or more or has failed to provide reasonable support for the child.

If you are a grandparent, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, half-sibling, or first cousin of the child to be adopted, and the child has lived with you for one year or more,  you can ask the Court to allow you to adopt the child through a kinship adoption.

Other types of adoptions include custodial adoptions (adoption of a child that you have legal custody of), second parent adoptions (adoption of a child who only has one legal parent) and adult adoptions.

Persons wanting to adopt a child must go through a background check, which includes Colorado Bureau of Investigation and Federal Bureau of Investigation checks.  A family assessment or home study must also be completed in most types of adoptions. Separate paperwork must be filled out for each person, if you’re adopting more than one child.

Once the adoption is complete, the adoptive parents can obtain a new birth certificate for the child through the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment (Vital Records) and the old birth certificate will be sealed.

If you are considering adoption, we encourage you to seek the assistance of an experienced family law attorney who is well versed in this complicated area of the law in order to protect yours and your future child’s rights.

Social media has become a part of everyday life in the United States. Some people go as far as listing the intimate details of their lives; where they are, who they’re with, and especially pictures. In many cases, this has come back to hurt individuals with a court case. Your child custody case can be seriously impacted if there is evidence of behavior that would not be considered to be in the best interest of a child.

Criminal Behavior

We’ve discussed when social media posts can be considered criminal behavior. Making threats, especially on social media, is never a good idea. Even if a post is just a way to vent frustration, it can still be taken as a true threat. If you go this route, you won’t be fighting for custody time, you’ll be fighting to stay out of prison. Remember, posts can be viewed long after you delete them, some indefinitely.

Best Interest of Children

The court will always be looking out for the best interest of children. That means if your lifestyle is not in the best interest of your child, the court will not be likely to place children in your care. Your tweets, Facebook posts, Instagram pictures, etc. can be used to show your lifestyle (or the one you advertise via social media). This can be good and bad; if you have pictures of yourself drinking a bottle of wine and holding your child, the court will probably not look at you favorably.

Pictures, video, and posts can be used as evidence! This is something a lot of people forget ”“ social media companies will work with law enforcement and courts to provide user data and history. So finding personal information that used to require a private investigator, is no longer difficult to locate. Now it can be as easy as looking at a Facebook page.

When it comes to child custody, social media can be a double edged sword. It can be great to share your life with friends and connect with others; but remember that information becomes public. If you rush to share every detail of your life online, it may come back to haunt you.

Child and Family Investigators (CFI) and Parental Responsibility Evaluators (PRE) are court appointed evaluators that can play a number of roles in a child custody issue. These professionals conduct an investigation of the relationship (issues like relationship history, problems, and lifestyle) and write a report making suggestions on what they believe is in the best interest of the child. The judge will read the report and recommendation before hearing the case; but is not bound by the evaluation. The CFI/PRE will act as a neutral investigator for the court and can be called as a witness, if needed. Often times these reports favor one parent over the other.

CFI vs PRE

CFIs and PREs work in similar ways, but a PRE evaluation will go deeper into the life of the relationship than a CFI evaluation. PREs are sometimes used when one parent doesn’t like a previous assessment by the CFI. PREs and CFIs can be expensive; CFI fees are generally capped at $2000* while PRE fees can be up to $10,000 or more, depending on the case. PREs can also conduct psychological evaluations, while CFIs cannot. In the broad scope PREs are not used nearly as often as CFIs, but it is important to know the difference between the two. An experienced attorney will be able to help you decide which one may work best for your case.

Who can be a CFI/ PRE?

A CFI can be an attorney, mental health professional, or anyone with knowledge of child development. CFIs and PREs are regulated by the State of Colorado and must pass an FBI background check before being eligible for appointment by the court. PREs will meet the CFI standards but will also be experts in family or child development. It’s a smart idea to research the CFI/PRE in your case and the internet it a good place to start looking at blogs or social media. DORA is another place you’ll want to check for complaints and disciplinary actions.

Child Family Investigators and Parental Responsibility Evaluators can be extremely useful tools, when used correctly. In some cases, multiple PREs or CFIs can be used; in either case it is important to have an experienced Denver divorce attorney to help guide you through the process.

*As of January 2016 the cap on CFI’s is now $2,750 which does not include testimony.

There are a number of ways to help you children appreciate what they have around them. In a world of text messaging, social media, and celebrity glorification, teach your children that strong character is one of the most important traits to possess.

1. Take kids to volunteer
Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community while teaching your children about compassion and helping others who are less fortunate. There are a large number of organizations that you can work with, choose one that will be a good fit for your family.

2. Give them a sense of community
Community means working together to accomplish group goals. Having your children work around the home for a common goal is a great way to help foster a team mentality. Mowing the yard, vacuuming, dusting, doing laundry, etc. are all great ways of letting children know they can be productive around the home. You can use this to teach them small lessons disguised as chores. Taking care of the home will also help build strong long-term habits for later in life, when your kids have their own families.

3. Teach them the difference between doing a job and doing a job well
One lesson that takes most adolescents a long time to learn is that doing and job and doing a job well are very different things. Teach them that doing the job, to the best of your ability the first time, will save them time in the long run and give them a sense of accomplishment. Doing a mediocre job will, more than likely, cause you to revisit the project and re-do some part of the work you already spent time on. Save yourself the extra work and frustration by doing your best, the first time.

4. Teach them that defeat is a mindset
There’s a saying that goes something like: “Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality.” This can have a profound impact on the life of anyone who truly believes the saying. Being defeated is a temporary state of mind that isn’t a final destination. Give them the courage and support to get back up, every time they fall.

5. Say what you mean, mean what you say
This is a topic that could benefit anyone on the planet. Show young ones that doing what you said you will do, when you said you will do it, can get you a long way. Too often people give their word and make promises that go unfulfilled. Make sure that you lead by example and follow through with the actions you have committed to. Making this a habit early in life will help form a young adult with character.

Make sure that you children know that you value them. Even if parental relationships are strained, your children will know that your feelings for them will not change. If the time comes where parents separate, you can be confident that you’ve passed along positive habits that will help foster honest, long-term relationships.

It’s hard talking to your children about divorce, so why not let someone else find the right words? Grab a blanket, gather the stuffed animal friends, and snuggle in with these picture books well-suited to broaching some of the thorny issues that arise with a changing family dynamic.

1. Dinosaurs Divorce (A Guide for Changing Families)
by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown.
Suitable for children 5-8 years old, this popular book covers everything from what divorce words mean to how to tell your friends about your modified family situation. The comic-book style makes it more of a reference guide than a plot-driven narrative, so you’ll definitely want to keep coming back to it as new concerns emerge.

2. Was It the Chocolate Pudding?: A Story for Little Kids about Divorce
by Sandra Levins and Bryan Langdo.
This light-hearted book for preschoolers and kindergartners features a father as the primary caregiver, and helps children navigate the age-old question of whether the divorce is maybe their fault.

3. Two Homes
by Claire Masurel.
Two Homes, in which the story of young Alex reassures children they will continue to be loved despite divorce or separation, is a classic in this genre. As one reviewer noted, you might want to purchase two copies of the book””one to keep at Mom’s and one to keep at Dad’s.

4. Horton Hatches the Egg
by Dr. Seuss
No child’s library is complete without a generous dose of Dr. Seuss, but this particular title caters to those with absentee parents. As the egg’s mother flies off to Palm Springs to start a new life, Horton’s tale covertly shows us a single parent can always share double the love.

5. Mum and Dad Glue
by Kes Gray.
“My mum and dad are broken, I don’t know what to do. My mum and dad have come undone, I need to find some glue,” begins this book about a boy who tries to literally patch his family back together. It’s a sweet reminder there’s often no quick-fix solution to problems at home.

6. Every Second Friday
by Kiri Lightfoot and Ben Galbraith.
This picture book prepares children for their new shared custody arrangement through the excitement Marge and Totty feel for the days they get to spend with their father, who no longer lives at their house.

7. I Don’t Want To Talk About It
by Jeanie Franz Ransom.
The aim of this book is to validate the range of feelings a child might experience upon hearing his or her parents are to divorce. When everything gets too overwhelming, for instance, don’t turn into a bird and try to fly away; instead, roar like a lion to remember how brave you really are (maybe that’s where Katy Perry got her inspiration?)!

We would like to add to this list, so please recommend your favorite divorce-themed children’s books on our Facebook page.

Although a recent study suggests divorce does not, fortunately, affect children too negatively in the long-term, the initial breakdown of the family unit does clearly impact their emotional and social well-being. Since Colorado courts are fully aware parents will need to deal with both the immediate aftermath of a divorce announcement and the subsequent years of co-parenting, most judges will now require a post-divorce parenting class before granting the final decree of dissolution.

These parenting education programs are not mandated by state law, but counties such as Arapahoe, Douglas, El Paso, and Teller are ordering them in all divorce and parental responsibility cases involving minor children. They must be taken by a set deadline (63 days from the date of order in Arapahoe County, for instance), and you will need to show a certificate of completion from an approved class before final orders can be set. Failing to attend one of the classes will naturally delay your divorce, and could also jeopardize your custody agreement.

There are several organizations that offer these classes, but it’s important to ensure the curriculum satisfies the requirements of your Domestic Relations Court””especially considering some judicial districts will not accept online courses. An approved class led by Parenting After Divorce, for example, meets for a single four-hour session that touches on strategies for protecting your children from choosing a side, maintaining a business-like co-parenting relationship, and formulating a detailed parenting plan. This introductory class is available six times a month in English, once a month in Spanish, and costs $65.

Alternatively, some county courts host the parenting classes themselves. In El Paso County, a Children and Families in Transition Seminar (CFIT) moderated by an attorney or mental health professional occurs three times a month and costs $40. Moreover, they offer a free child care service during their Friday seminars (call ahead to reserve a spot: 719.452.5499) and will also waive the registration fee for those receiving assistance from Colorado Legal Services.

A statewide list of approved parenting classes may be found here. In order to better advise our clients in the future, please share any positive course reviews with us by tweeting @divorcematters.