Did you know that there is a psychological term for the effects on children of pitting one parent against the other?

It is called “parental alienation syndrome.” During the divorce process, it is tragically common for one parent to use a child as a weapon against the other parent. This happens more often in contentious divorces, and even little actions can cause parental alienation syndrome. Children experiencing this condition may exhibit one or more of the following effects:

• The child may become obsessed with hatred for one of the parents; we’ll call this parent the “target parent”
• The child may claim that his or her feelings toward the target parent were his or her own, and that the other parent had nothing to do with the feelings of ill will
• The child may lack remorse for treating the target parent poorly
• Similarly, the child may take the non-target parent’s side during arguments
• The child may make false accusations against the target parent
• The child may extend his or her hatred to other members of the target parent’s family, including grandparents, aunts, uncles and even siblings

Parental alienation is detrimental to a child’s well-being. It can lead to hatred or fear of the target parent, which can lead to long-term emotional and mental health damage. As the child grows and his or her understanding of the world builds, the child may even turn the resentment around on the other parent. Confusion, feelings of rejection and abandonment and low self-esteem can follow the affected child for years or even decades.

It is so incredibly important to protect your children during a divorce. Part of that protection involves keeping them out of adult matters between you and your spouse. Never badmouth your ex in front of the kids, and never fight in front of them. If the divorce is so contentious that you find it difficult not to involve the children, consider separation and mediation.

It is normal for children to feel like they must choose a side during divorce. You should emphasize that choosing a side is not important and that both parents love them equally. Teaching your child critical thinking skills and the value of evaluating situations before making decisions can prevent the negative effects of parental alienation.

It is also valuable to teach children coping skills to prepare them for possible conflict. Not only will it help them through a difficult divorce, but it will help them grow up and learn to constructively deal with problems when they are away from you.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

When two people divorce and one of them relocates far away from the other, visitation with children can be difficult. You might have to decide between only seeing the child a few times per year or uprooting your own life to be closer to them. Fortunately, you can see your children ”“ albeit virtually ”“ utilizing modern technology.

Apps like Facetime and Skype make it simple for long-distance parents to speak with their children. While not a full replacement for personal interaction, video chat programs can be a lot more engaging than a simple phone call. Your kids can show you the artwork they made in kindergarten class, you can help them with their homework or even watch a movie with them, all from the comfort of your computer screen.

Many parents do not have the time or money to travel long distances frequently, but virtual visitation is a cost-effective method of staying in touch with your children while increasing interaction and parenting time.

Virtual Visitation Laws in Colorado

More than 15 states have formal legislation allowing the courts to grant virtual visitation time to non-custodial parents. Colorado is not currently one of those states. However, this method of handling child custody situations is often granted in cases where the judge declares that virtual visitation is in the child’s best interests. Sometimes, the judge will even set specific schedules for online sessions. Perhaps soon, formal legislation will be passed, but for now, you should speak with a family law attorney if you think that virtual visitation is a good fit for your family.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Pets are children too ”“ ask anyone who owns one. They need food, shelter and love all the same. And because owners get attached to their pets, a divorce can lead to contention between the divorcing parties over who gets to keep the little ones.

Under Colorado law, pets are not considered family ”“ harsh as it sounds, they are characterized as items of personal property and thus are subject to equitable division of assets. You read correctly ”“ you can lose your dog or cat just as easily as you can lose the flat screen TV.

Deciding Pet Custody in Colorado

As a general rule, the judge presiding over your divorce case will try to avoid having to choose who keeps the animals. Pet disputes can get ugly, just like child custody battles, and the judge will often advise the divorcing parties that if they cannot agree on pet custody, they will have to get rid of the pet. Some judges with softer hearts may consider the pet’s best interest, but it is up to you to figure out your judge’s feelings toward pet custody.

If you are involved in a divorce and pet custody becomes an issue, it is important to put aside ill feelings toward the other party and focus yourself on what would be best for the pet. Pets, like children, should never be used as a way of manipulating or hurting the other party.

Another way to decide pet custody even before a divorce arises is to draft an “antenuptial” pet custody agreement. An agreement like this would consider who would get the pet in the event of a divorce, whether the other party would have visitation and what a visitation schedule might look like, how pet expenses will be covered, responsibility for big medical decisions and end-of-life considerations for the pet.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Fear of how the children will react to a divorce is one of the most common emotional responses following a separation. But divorce does not have to be a harmful experience for the children. If conducted correctly, a divorce can actually lead to positive change in the child’s life, both now and in the far future.

Witnessing a bad marriage can teach kids all of the wrong lessons about how to solve problems later in life. Studies have shown that staying together for the sake of the kids can actually be harmful in situations with high conflict marriages. By getting a divorce, you can show children that sometimes, disengagement is the best way to settle problems.

Additionally, the divorce can allow children to spend more time with each parent. Studies have shown that children in shared custody situations are often better off than children raised by a single parent (which we blogged about a few weeks ago).

Marital strife has also been proven to follow children for years. One 2012 study by the University of Notre Dame found that parents fighting in front of children could lead to depression, anxiety and behavioral problems when the children reach adolescence. A divorce could remove the fighting, or at the very least keep the child out of it.

Children of divorce most often develop into well-adjusted adults with no lasting psychological or behavioral problems. They are just as able to achieve educational and professional goals as children of married couples are. A conflict-laden marriage, on the other hand, can put the child’s future in jeopardy. As hard as it may be, sometimes divorce is the best option, both for you and for your children. If you have any questions about divorce and the best approach to protect the kids, speak with a family law attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

A new study on child custody was recently posted in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health suggesting that children are much better off when they spend time living with both parents after a divorce.

Conventional wisdom might suggest that children suffer undue stresses due to the physical and social upheavals that occur when the child has to go back and forth between parents. It’s not easy for a kid to be cooped up in a car every Friday and Sunday night, after all. But the study, conducted out of the Centre for Health Equity Studies in Stockholm, Sweden, showed that the back-and-forth doesn’t matter ”“ kids like to have access to both parents.

Studies Show that Parental Engagement is More Important than Stable Housing

Researchers analyzed national data from about 150,000 students from the 6th and 9th grades to compare stress levels by examining psychosomatic health problems including sleep issues, concentration deficits, loss of appetite, headaches, stomachaches and emotional responses like irritability and depression.

The majority of the children studied were a part of a nuclear family, and the data suggested that these kids had the least amount of stress. Of the remaining numbers, researchers found that students who lived with both separated parents suffered far fewer problems than those who lived solely with one parent. The investigators theorize that allowing the children to engage regularly with both parents is more valuable to the children than having a single place to live, and that having two resource pools ”“ for social circles, family and material goods like money ”“ reduces the feelings of vulnerability that children may feel when restricted to one parent. And then there’s also the added bonus of double holidays.

If you are struggling with child custody issues, this study could help you decide whether a joint custody situation would be best for your children. If you need help with determining a custody arrangement, speak with a qualified family law attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Source: https://time.com/3836627/divorced-parents-joint-custody/

Colorado lawmakers are entertaining a new bill, Colorado Senate Bill 15-129, that would recognize parental rights as fundamental rights and mandate that divorcing parents share custody of their children.

Supporters of the bill believe that shared custody (or parenting time, as we call it in Colorado) is in the best interests of the child and that both parents have a right to raise their kids. Opponents of the bill warn that this kind of guaranteed 50/50 custody could force the child into situations that do not necessarily benefit their growth and development.

The bill has support from both sides of the political spectrum, but some groups adamantly oppose it, including the Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The CCADV believes SB-129 places the rights of parents ahead of the rights of children. The group supports keeping the “best interests of the child” standard in Colorado and having each family decision decided on a case-by-case basis. The CCADV is concerned that a preference for 50/50 custody would place an undue burden on victims of domestic violence.

When Might a 50/50 Parenting Arrangement Not be in a Child’s Best Interest?

The current system of determining the child’s best interest looks at the child’s relationship with both parents, their ability to learn and grow with each parent, the educational opportunities afforded to them on both sides and the behaviors of the parents.

An even split of custody seems like a good idea on paper, but there are many circumstances where a 50/50 arrangement might not work in practice. The child’s age could play a big part in deciding parenting time, especially in the case of infants. A breastfeeding mother, for example, could require more time with the baby. If the parents do not live close to one another, an older child’s schooling could be negatively affected if a 50/50 arrangement is made. If one parent is never around ”“ due to work, for example ”“ the child could be better off with the present parent.

If you are having trouble determining a custody arrangement for your children or wish to seek a modification of terms, speak with an experienced child custody attorney.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Child Custody Lawyers

Source: https://kdvr.com/2015/04/14/bill-would-give-parents-going-through-divorce-equal-time-with-their-kids/

The sun is here to stay, and the school year is reaching its home stretch. That means that soon enough, the kids will be on summer vacation (lucky them!).

For divorced parents with shared custody, summer vacation can be one of the most stressful times of the year. Parenting time can become a huge source of conflict, especially when one parent plans a vacation that takes the children far from the other parent.

Tips for Divorced Parents and Summer Vacation

Generally speaking, it is always best to inform the other parent if you are taking the children on vacation. In some cases, you may be legally obligated to do so: for example, if the vacation cuts into the other parent’s parenting time.

If your vacation will not involve crossing state borders and occurs during your parenting time permission is not normally required. However, notification is usually a requirement, including contact information for where the children can be reached. Many parenting plans will require notification to the other parent if the parenting time parent intends to take the children on any overnight trip longer than a weekend.

If you plan on visiting another state, depending on your parenting plan you may be required to get permission from the other parent or from the court. Restrictions on this tend to depend on the circumstances of your family history.

If you are going to leave the country, many parenting plans require the permission of the other parent, because the child will be outside of court jurisdiction as well as state and federal jurisdictions.
If vacation planning is presenting you with confusion, speaking to your family law attorney could help alleviate your concerns.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Divorce is never easy, particularly when there are children involved. Kids may not be old enough to understand anything about the divorce beyond the fact that their world, as they know it, will change completely. And while it is okay to feel stressed or overwhelmed by a pending marital separation, you should pay extra attention to the children to make sure that they are not suffering as a result of your stress. After all, you as a parent are the rock keeping the kids grounded. Here are some tips to help your children cope through this uneasy time:

• Minimize extra stress on the children. They have it hard enough knowing that their parents are separating. While it is okay to give children chores to do, the kids should not have to pick up any excess slack. Don’t make them do all of the cooking or cleaning, for example, just because the parent who used to do those chores is no longer around.
• Don’t talk about adult things around the kids. They don’t need to know about your money issues, or stress or any problems between you and your ex-spouse. Using your children as a way of venting these frustrations will only serve to make the divorce more difficult for them. Speak to a close friend or family member who is an adult.
• Do not make the older children act as a babysitter for the younger children. This is an easy way to force a child to grow up too fast. A child in his or her late teens can perhaps shoulder the responsibility every once in a while, but a younger child should not be babysitting. Call a family member or a friend.
• If you start dating someone new, keep the kids out of it until you are certain that the relationship will be long-term. You must be sure that your new partner is someone you want your children to build a relationship with. Otherwise, you could hurt the children even more if you and your new partner separate.

Divorce Matters ”“ Denver Family Law Attorneys

Did You Know?: Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these children, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.

“Adopting one child won’t change the world, but for that child the world will change.”

Colorado has different kinds of adoptions; however, the state does not allow birth parents and prospective adoptive parents to enter into contractual agreements to adopt a child, also known as private adoptions.  In Colorado, if it is not a familial or custodial adoption, you must go through an agency, either a county human services department or a private adoption agency.

When a child is adopted the rights and responsibilities of the birth parents come to an end.  A birth parent cannot reappear one day and try to reclaim rights to the child.

Any person over the age of 21 can adopt.  Those under 21 will need special permission from the Court.  If you are married, you and your spouse need to file jointly for the adoption.  If you are single, you can file on your own.

One of the most common forms of familial adoptions is a stepparent adoption.  A stepparent can adopt their stepchild if their spouse (the child’s parent) agrees and the child’s other biological parent either provides their consent or has abandoned the child for a year or more or has failed to provide reasonable support for the child.

If you are a grandparent, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, half-sibling, or first cousin of the child to be adopted, and the child has lived with you for one year or more,  you can ask the Court to allow you to adopt the child through a kinship adoption.

Other types of adoptions include custodial adoptions (adoption of a child that you have legal custody of), second parent adoptions (adoption of a child who only has one legal parent) and adult adoptions.

Persons wanting to adopt a child must go through a background check, which includes Colorado Bureau of Investigation and Federal Bureau of Investigation checks.  A family assessment or home study must also be completed in most types of adoptions. Separate paperwork must be filled out for each person, if you’re adopting more than one child.

Once the adoption is complete, the adoptive parents can obtain a new birth certificate for the child through the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment (Vital Records) and the old birth certificate will be sealed.

If you are considering adoption, we encourage you to seek the assistance of an experienced family law attorney who is well versed in this complicated area of the law in order to protect yours and your future child’s rights.

Social media has become a part of everyday life in the United States. Some people go as far as listing the intimate details of their lives; where they are, who they’re with, and especially pictures. In many cases, this has come back to hurt individuals with a court case. Your child custody case can be seriously impacted if there is evidence of behavior that would not be considered to be in the best interest of a child.

Criminal Behavior

We’ve discussed when social media posts can be considered criminal behavior. Making threats, especially on social media, is never a good idea. Even if a post is just a way to vent frustration, it can still be taken as a true threat. If you go this route, you won’t be fighting for custody time, you’ll be fighting to stay out of prison. Remember, posts can be viewed long after you delete them, some indefinitely.

Best Interest of Children

The court will always be looking out for the best interest of children. That means if your lifestyle is not in the best interest of your child, the court will not be likely to place children in your care. Your tweets, Facebook posts, Instagram pictures, etc. can be used to show your lifestyle (or the one you advertise via social media). This can be good and bad; if you have pictures of yourself drinking a bottle of wine and holding your child, the court will probably not look at you favorably.

Pictures, video, and posts can be used as evidence! This is something a lot of people forget ”“ social media companies will work with law enforcement and courts to provide user data and history. So finding personal information that used to require a private investigator, is no longer difficult to locate. Now it can be as easy as looking at a Facebook page.

When it comes to child custody, social media can be a double edged sword. It can be great to share your life with friends and connect with others; but remember that information becomes public. If you rush to share every detail of your life online, it may come back to haunt you.