Who Gets the Kids for Christmas?

Christmas is often described as a magical time of year, but for divorced parents, the holidays are nothing but stress. Having to share custody of the kids and possibly spend Christmas alone is nobody’s idea of fun. However, many parents are able to work through it and come up with workable custody schedules to ensure that children get to see both parents while on winter break.

”˜Tis the season for compromise. But what if you and the other parent cannot agree on a custody schedule? You may need to discuss the situation with your lawyer and get the courts involved. The courts, however, prefer that parents work it out on their own. When the court has to make the decision, both parents end up losing.

Christmas is a time where kids are off school and parents have time off work. So how can you determine child custody during Christmas in a fair way so you both get time with your children? Here are some ideas.

Split the Days

Christmas encompasses two days: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Since both parents tend to want to celebrate Christmas with the kids, each parent can choose day. One parent can have the kids on Christmas Eve until the evening (say 8 p.m. or 9 p.m.) and then the kids can spend Christmas Day with the other parent. This only works, however, if the parents live close to each other.

One Week at a Time

If you and the other parent live a great distance from each other, you may want to consider having a week with the kids. Kids tend to have two weeks off school during this time, so you can get the first or second week and the other parent can have the other. You can still break it up at Christmas Eve, though, so both parents can see the kids on Christmas.

What to Keep in Mind

Don’t argue with the other parent about every holiday. Think about the holidays that are most important to you and develop a custody schedule from there. You may have to compromise or create new traditions, and that’s OK. Life for you and the children will change to some degree after a divorce.

Also, plan your Christmastime custody schedule well in advance. Don’t tell the kids the day before Christmas what will be happening. You and the other parent should have the schedule nailed down by November. Confirm the schedule via email or phone and print out a hard copy. You may want to give a copy to your lawyer for legal purposes.

Contact a Denver Child Custody Lawyer Today

Child custody matters can be complicated, especially during the holidays. While both parents want to spend Christmas with their children, you might not always get your way. Compromises will need to be made. If you require assistance creating a holiday parenting plan, contact the family law professionals at Divorce Matters. We will help you get a favorable outcome. Request a consultation today by contacting Divorce Matters online or by calling (720) 463-1232.

Paternity, DNA & Old Wives Tales

Sure, you thought that DNA test would prove paternity once and for all right? Wrong. When unmarried couples bear children, the father is not automatically entitled to have his name on the birth certificate.  A father can have his name on the birth certificate simply by proving though a paternity action he is the biological father. A father can also have his name placed on the birth certificate if he signs a written acknowledgement of paternity. You can acknowledge paternity even if you are not the biological father.
This signed acknowledgement of paternity can be challenged within 60 days. After 60 days, a signed acknowledgement of paternity can be challenged only on the basis of fraud, duress or material mistake of fact. If a man signs an acknowledgement of paternity then that man can become liable for child support even if he is not the biological father.
If you say you are the father in writing, it may be very difficult to avoid paying child support later on even if DNA evidence proves otherwise. This is because a signed acknowledgement of paternity is extremely difficult to set aside after 60 days.

When Can I Make a Divorce Plan Modification?

Once the final decree has been entered, most people believe their divorce is over. However, there are some situations in which a divorce settlement or judgment may need to be changed. Keep in mind only certain aspects of your divorce decree can be modified. Court orders involving asset and property distribution are typically unable to be altered. Learn more about when a modification to your divorce order may be appropriate.

Child Custody

Child custody and parenting time are issues that may need to be readdressed as children get older and circumstances change. Either parent may request to modify a child custody order. However, child custody and decision-making orders can only be modified every two years, unless the child’s health and/or emotional development is endangered or a custodial parent is making plans to move far away. You must be able to demonstrate that the modification is in the best interest of the child, as well as show circumstances have changed significantly since the last time the custody order was modified. Keep in mind that adjustments to parenting time may also affect your child support obligations.

Child Support

Child support payments are likely to fluctuate over the course of a child’s life. A parent’s child support obligations are based on the incomes of both parents, the amount of parenting time granted to each parent, and the needs of the child. If any of these factors change, your child support order should be modified to reflect your family’s current situation. You can submit a request to modify your child support order in the following circumstances:

  • your child has been emancipated;
  • either parent has experienced a change in income;
  • the cost of child care, health insurance, or other expenses for the child has changed; or
  • the amount of time the child spends with either parent has changed.

Alimony

Alimony is awarded based on the supported spouse’s needs and the supporting spouse’s ability to pay. If either of these change, a modification may be in order. An alimony agreement might need to be altered if either spouse experiences a drastic change in his or her financial situation. For example, if the supported spouse lands a big-time job with a higher salary than that of the supporting spouse, alimony payments should probably be eliminated or reduced.

Parenting Plans

Parenting plans typically include agreements regarding visitation arrangements, as well as each parent’s support obligations. Many parents also include guidelines for communication, rules for significant others, and lifestyle decisions, such as decisions about the child’s religious observance, medical care, education decisions, and after-school activities. If both parents agree to the modification, they can jointly submit an amended parenting plan to the judge for approval. However, if a dispute between the parents cannot be settled out-of-court, the judge may grant a hearing to consider the proposed modification.

Contact a Denver Divorce Modification Lawyer Today

If you need to change your child custody, child support, or alimony order, contact the experienced family law attorneys at Divorce Matters. Call us at (720) 726-1417 or fill out the online contact form to request a consultation at our Greenwood Village or Lakewood locations.

New School Year, New Routine

Bill Leeper and Shirley Jenkins - Home and Real Estate Divorce Specialists

It’s that time of year when school is right around the corner and your children are gearing up for the new year. This can be a particularly difficult time of year if you are going through or have been through divorce. Here are a few quick tips on how to keep everything running smoothly for your children as they adjust to their new schedules after a summer of freedom.

  • Try to tell your child’s guidance counselor and teachers what is going on. This will allow them to understand your child’s behavior if they begin to exhibit signs of mood changes and behavioral issues. No need to overshare here, just let them know what is happening.
  • Consistency is incredibly important, especially for younger children, so make sure that you stick to the custody plan in place. Communication will be key for smooth drop-offs and pick-ups so make sure you have a reliable means of communicating in a way that doesn’t cause misunderstandings.
  • Routine is healthy for children, it keeps their days structured and teaches them responsibility. Try to keep their evening routines as consistent as possible between households. Things such as bedtime, brushing their teeth, cleaning their room and regular dinners are all a part of their routine and consistency will help them feel like their days are structured and under control no matter which house they are staying at that day.

These are just a few quick tips to help you as the new school year approaches and your child’s schedule gears up to change. Don’t forget to tell your children to enjoy the last bit of summer while they can!

How To Give Your Child Emotional Support Through Divorce

Different colored hands with hearts on the palm

If you are facing divorce or perhaps already going through it, then you know that no matter what happens it will be something that affects your children. This is perfectly normal and there is a natural grieving process that they will go through as they deal with their emotions around your separation. There are ways you can help make sure that your children have the support they need during this time.

The first is to make sure that they know you are there if they need to talk about it. The urge to keep it hush-hush can be strong if you feel like avoiding the topic would be less painful for them. However, letting them know you are available to talk to about it without forcing them to gives them the space they need to process their emotions and feel safe enough to approach you if they have questions or need to share something.

One of the best things you can do for your kids is to try and work out an amicable and conflict free co-parenting plan. Of course, this isn’t always an option depending on the individual situation but if you can work to settle your differences with your ex-spouse for the sake of your kids it will go a really long way in helping them deal with their emotions about the divorce.

Finally, don’t be afraid to get yourself and/or your child professional help if either of you find that you continue to struggle with the divorce in a manner that seems unhealthy. Talking to a counselor or therapist is a great way to learn the tools needed to cope with the stress associated with divorce.

Enjoying Time With Your Children On A Single Parent’s Budget

Jack Duggan

After divorce money can be tight on a single parent’s budget, but you know how important it is that you still spend time participating in activities with your children. You just don’t have to break the bank to do it! There are plenty of fun ways to spend time with your little ones without spending a ton.

One of those ways is to take your kids out on a hike. Plan your route ahead of time based on their experience and how far they can go and then spend the time on your hike pointing out wildlife and spending quality time catching up with them. If you are feeling particularly adventurous you might even bring a tent along and spend an evening with them around the campfire.

Another great way to spend time with your kiddos is to have a movie night in! Grab a couple of age-appropriate classics and settle in with some popcorn and candy. You could even set up a fun fort with them ahead of time for them to watch the movie from.

Perhaps your kids are old enough to begin teaching them how to cook. This is a great time to start showing them the basics of nutrition and the importance of home-cooked meals. Talk them through the recipes and cooking processes as you go and eventually have them start doing it. Soon enough they will know how to cook for themselves in a safe and nutritious manner.

There are always great ways to spend time together with your children enjoying new experiences, don’t be afraid to get out there and find them!

If you are looking to find out more about what your maintenance or child support might look like when going through a divorce so you can better plan for your financial future, Divorce Matters offers a free app that can help. Visit us at www.divorce-matters.com/apps and visit either the Google Play or iTunes stores to download our free Child Support and Maintenance Calculator App.

Parenting Mistakes To Avoid When Going Through Divorce

Emily Ahnell - Partner and Managing Attorney

Divorce can be difficult on your family but it is extremely important not to find yourself hurting your children in the process. They are most important to protect during this time of transition and there are a few things to remind yourself of every time you are interacting with them.

First, make sure you understand the terms of your custody agreement. If you want to make changes be sure to go through the proper channels to make those changes. If you feel like your custody agreement isn’t being honored or you’d like to make changes, contact your divorce attorney for more information.

Second, don’t try and force them to take sides between you and your ex, no matter what your situation is. They are too young to be handling anything of this emotional magnitude and as their parent it is your place to protect them from this strife as much as possible. To them, they still have two parents and might want to keep it that way no matter what you want. Allow them the space to express what they want without trying to influence them.

Another very important piece of advice to follow, do not bad mouth your ex-partner in front of your children. Not only can this be psychologically damaging to them, but it can also cause rifts between you and them or your spouse and them. This action can come back to hurt you in future custody proceedings.

Finally, try to not let the stress of the divorce and its toll on you affect your relationship with your children. As difficult as it may be right now, protecting your relationship with your children is paramount and your children can be a source of comfort and love.

Balance Is Important: Why Overnights Are So Important For Young Children

When the courts come up with child custody arrangements, they determine the plan based on what is in the best interest of the children. Often, the courts will try to make sure that each parent has adequate overnight visits with the children. It may seem like a no-brainer that children should be able to spend time with both parents, but what arrangement is best? A new study suggests that splitting time as evenly as possible between parents is the best way for children to build and maintain both relationships.

The study, published February 2 in the journal Psychology, Public Policy and Law, suggested that adult children who went on the have the best relationships with their parents were those who spent equal time between their parents’ homes as young children.

Previous research on couples showed that a child who spends too much time with the father early in life would suffer damaged bonds with the mother. The new study suggested otherwise: not only did overnight parenting with the father cause no harm to the mother-child relationship, commonly thought of as the most important relationship for young children, it actually appeared to strengthen both relationships.

Overnight Time with Both Parents Is the Key to Better Future Relationships

The study looked at 100 college students whose parents separated before the students turned three years old. The students rated their relationships with their parents and the findings showed that the time spent with the child at age two was highly important. If a child spent less time at one parent’s house, the parents were typically unable to compensate later with more overnight time. As a result, the child’s future relationship with that parent would suffer. The study concluded that an even, or close to even, split provided benefits for all three parties, not just the custodial parent and the child.

Why? The researchers have a theory. For fathers, being alone with the child helped them to learn how to parent the child from the beginning. This led to a better foundation for their future relationship. For mothers, letting the child spend time away gave them a break from the stresses of being a single mother, which made mothers more prepared to raise the children when they had custody.

Having issues with a parenting time arrangement for your children? Our Denver family law firm is well-equipped to handle all matters of child custody, including enforcement and modification.

How To Handle The Holidays With The Kids After Your Divorce

The holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and family ”“ but divorce throws a serious wrench into that idea. On top of the usual holiday chores (shopping, cooking, taking care of the kids while they’re out of school), you also have to deal with the stress, uncertainty, grief and struggles of separation. Holidays can be especially difficult for children whose parents are divorcing. Here are some useful tips to help your kids get the most out of the holiday season.

Holidays With The Kids During Divorce ”“ Don’t Panic!

Make sure the children know that they will still be able to celebrate, just that it is going to be different this year. There will probably be a lot more traveling ”“ one way to assuage the kids’ fears is to frame it by saying that they get to have two celebrations this year instead of one.

Plan around the best interests of the children. Holiday planning is enough of a struggle as it is, but you should do everything in your power to ensure that this is a special time for the kids. Come up with a holiday division schedule that will minimize their stress, whether this means splitting days or planning your celebrations at a different time than usual.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your family or friends.

Create new traditions! Maybe plan an annual ice skating day for the kids, or let them help you make a special holiday recipe.

Take care of yourself when the children are with your ex-spouse. Let them know that you want them to have a good time with your ex, and while they’re out, find ways to keep yourself entertained. Maybe there’s a new movie out this year that you haven’t had time to see (we hear “Arrival” is good), or maybe you could use a spa day.

Try to keep communication between you and your ex-cordial and open. Like it or not, you are going to have to interact with him or her. Keep it civil for the sake of the kids.

Our Denver family law attorneys wish you and yours a happy holiday season!

Ready For Mediation? Tips For Mothers Mediating Child Custody Disputes

Divorce is a stressful process that becomes significantly more so if you have kids. No parent wants to be away from their child for any longer than they have to, but when divorce happens, there’s really no avoiding the problem of custody. But there are ways to help alleviate that problem; one of those is through child custody mediation.

The point of mediation is to have both parents work out mutually beneficial custody arrangements and parenting time schedules that are in the best interests of the children. Mediation is almost always required in child custody disputes in court, but can also be entered into voluntarily before a case is ever filed. Mediation is one of the best ways to come up with a plan that works for you, your spouse and most importantly, the little ones. After all, why endure the stress of fighting it out in court only to have a judge impose a schedule upon the parents and children, when you can do it yourselves, save money and end up with a schedule that is actually workable for everyone involved?

However, if parents are prone to arguing, or if one parent has a more dominant personality, mediation can be intimidating if you don’t know what to expect. But don’t let fear of the unknown drive you away from mediation; even in contentious custody battles, mediation has a lot of benefits and can help reduce or relieve the stresses of fighting for your kids. Here are some tips to help you get ready for custody mediation:

  • Choose a mediator who is a reputable family law attorney that has been doing mediation for at least a few years. There is no license to be a mediator, so anyone can put themselves out there as one. Always check qualifications, such as asking if the mediator has taken a 40 hour mediation course, and make sure they are family law mediators who have dealt with parent and child issues before. An experienced family law mediator can be effective and convincing about the reality of the situation if the other parent is being unreasonable.

  • Preparation Is Key

    Whether you have a lawyer or are going on your own, come with your schedule and calendar that you need for your and the other parent’s work schedule. Know the dates that school starts, when holidays are, when spring, summer and winter break are and what you would like to do during those times (want to visit grandparents? Teach your kids to ski? Etc.)

  • In addition to the calendar dates, have an idea of activities that you, the other parent and the children have on a daily basis. Does a child go to soccer after school? Piano lessons on Wednesday? Do you always have to stay late at work on Wednesday, but have flexibility on Fridays? Have tentative daily schedules and reminders written down so you can plan accordingly.
  • Do you or the other parent have relatives or good friends that live nearby that want to be helpful with the children? A court cannot order grandma to pick up the kids and take them to swimming practice on Thursdays, but if grandma wants to be a part of it, you can put that in the mediated agreement. Can the kids, if they are old enough, stay at home alone after school if they check in with the neighbor who works from home? Speak to friends, neighbors and family beforehand to offer additional solutions to common parenting scheduling problems.
  • Enter mediation with an open mind and a calm demeanor. Even if the other parent is being unreasonable, always stay calm and collected during mediation. Accept the fact that you cannot control what the other parent says or does in mediation; you can only control your reaction. Getting upset will never help your situation. If you do get upset, it’s okay, but ask for a 10-minute break and get some fresh air to help you calm down.
  • Understand that it might take a few sessions to work out an agreement and plan. If you do not come to an agreement on the first session, know that you did not fail. Sometimes, people need time to reflect and may come back to another mediated session with some new insights into what really matters and what needs to be done. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 ”“ an unsuccessful first session helps both parties identify ways to move forward.
  • Take the time to understand that when parents do not live together, neither parent is going to get as much time with the child(ren) as they would like. Think about the situation from the child’s point of view. It’s your job as a parent to do what is best for the kids, even if that means you might not get to see them as often as you’d like.

The Denver family law attorneys at Divorce Matters provide mediation services for divorcing couples in Colorado.