Navigating a Divorce with Kids

Conor Stewartson

How Do Kids Change Divorce?

When couples have children, a divorce becomes much more complicated. Even if you and your spouse are committed to an amicable separation, you will need to think through your post-divorce future for the sake of your children. There are many factors that you must consider when going through a divorce with kids, including co-parenting plans and custody arrangements, child support, emotional support, and even maintaining respect toward your former spouse in front of your child to contribute to a healthier family dynamic. Divorce Matters® is here to offer help in each of these areas so you experience a more seamless divorce.

Come Up with a Parenting Plan

Children need continuing contact with both parents, and a judge will want to see a detailed parenting plan. At the outset, you should realize that a 50/50 custody split might not be realistic for several reasons: an imbalance of parental care, one or both of you deciding to move, or if one of you has a past criminal record. However, you should work toward the fairest custody plan that looks out for the best interest of the child or children.

If one of you decides to move far enough that it could prompt school changes, you will need to reevaluate your agreement and settle it with the court. This will involve who and where the child or children will live with during the school year and decide:

  • When the non-custodial parent will have weekend visitation
  • How the children will split their summer vacations
  • Who the children will spend holidays and birthdays with
  • How you will transport the children to and from visitation, as well as when they will be dropped off and picked up

The more detailed your parenting plan, the better. Deciding on issues ahead of time can reduce conflict later on. Divorce with kids will also require determining parental rights and obligations to ensure both sides are contributing fairly to the child’s life. This includes setting boundaries on both sides so the child will not take advantage of one parent or “choose” a favorite. Both parents must have clear rules the child must follow to allow for a healthy relationship in the family and promote an equal partnership. If you need help developing a parenting plan, you can consult with one of our divorce attorneys who can advise you on how to achieve the best possible outcome for you and your child.

Discuss Child Support

Every child has a right to enjoy the fruits of his or her parent’s income and live with a parent who can take care of them financially. For this reason, child support is a right. Child support includes things like health insurance, medical expenses, and child care in addition to the monthly overall care costs. Depending on your situation, you might need to pay extra to cover these costs.

Hiring a child custody lawyer to help with a divorce with kids is crucial, whether you are the paying or receiving parent. Many factors contribute to how child support is paid that you will want professional assistance with, such as income, overnight stays with each parent, extraordinary and ongoing expenses – and who has paid most of them – and much more. You don’t want one stone unturned. This is why parents going through a divorce with kids should partner with a firm like Divorce Matters® that will look at the total cost of raising the children, both of their gross income, and identify how child support should be paid out or received.

The state has a formula it uses to calculate child support. We make this easy to calculate with our free child support and maintenance calculator. You can download this free tool in the Google and Apple app stores.

Stay on Your Best Behavior

It is perfectly understandable to feel depressed, angry, and frustrated during a divorce with kids. After all, a relationship you thought would last for life is now crashing to the ground. Nevertheless, parents must remain amicable if they want their children to flourish. This means never bad-mouthing your spouse when the children are around or trying to turn your children against their mother or father. Furthermore, trying to alienate your children could be used against you when it comes to determining custody.

You must also keep communication consistent between you and your ex, as well as your child. Allow the child to speak to the other parent when they choose to maintain a healthy relationship. If you ever do need to communicate with your former spouse, the child should never see you fighting over them or disrespecting one another. This is not conducive to a healthy relationship and can later result in resentment from the child toward you or your former spouse.

Emotional Impact on Children

While you are going through a divorce with kids, your child will be feeling a mix of emotions – anger, sadness, confusion, and even guilt. It is important to reassure them that your relationship ending has nothing to do with them, and it may even improve your relationship as a family unit. Do not use them as messengers between the two of you, and under no circumstance should you put them in the middle of your conflicts or use them as collateral. Effective communication and setting boundaries as parents are crucial to the mental health of the child. Continue to reassure them that they are loved and allow open communication so they can express their emotions freely. It could be beneficial to seek out a neutral party like a counselor or therapist for your child to remove any bias and allow them to speak about the situation.

Finally, allow you and your child time to adjust to this new normal. This is a new journey for all of you, so allow yourselves to be open and flexible, and have a safe space to grieve the divorce. You also need to get used to the new environment with one less parent in the house (potentially impacting pre- and post-school routines or weekend plans). It is important to adjust and even establish new traditions for you and your child to restore a sense of normalcy.

When it comes to introducing new partners, take ample time to allow you and your child to get over the divorce before involving any new romantic partners. Not only could this be confusing to the child, but it could hurt your relationship with them. Do not try to force a relationship with this new partner, validate their feelings, and do not involve them in the co-parenting responsibilities. New partners can be a slippery slope, so only enter into a relationship with one when you are truly ready and when you know they will fit in with your children.

Child Support Modification

To make a child support modification in Colorado, courts require a “substantial and continuing” change. This change can include a change in income, especially if you get a raise or lose your job. You can request changes through an annual assessment or through a general motion to modify your agreement. Modifications are possible, but the circumstances need to be substantial enough to call for a change.

Calm Guidance You Can Trust

Divorce with kids is an emotionally turbulent and challenging time. You need trusted, experienced divorce lawyers in your corner. At Divorce Matters®, our team has the knowledge and experience to help guide you through the process step by step. We only want what is best for you and your family. Please contact us today to schedule your comprehensive, initial consultation.

Should You Stay Together for the Kids?

Should You Stay Together for the Kids?

Everyone has heard the phrase, “Staying together for the kids.” But is it always a good idea? To decide whether sticking it out for the sake of your children is the right option for you, you should analyze the pros and cons.

Pro: It Will be Easier Financially

Maintaining two households is expensive, and many parents are struggling or barely making ends meet as is. Can you really afford for one parent to set up an apartment somewhere or buy a new home? You will probably pay more in food, gas, and utilities, to say nothing about the extra mortgage or rent payment. If you can not swing a separation financially, then you might need to stay together.

Con: An Abusive Relationship Can Harm Your Children

Some marriages are so tumultuous or abusive that your children live in fear and probably avoid asking friends to come over. Hearing that the marriage is over might elicit a sigh of relief. By ending the relationship, you can dramatically improve your children’s state of mind and can also be more available for your children.

Pro: Your Children Could be Harmed by Divorce

Many people believe that children are resilient and can come through the divorce with flying colors. Although that may be true for some children, it certainly is not true for all. As Time Magazine reported recently, many middle-aged people are speaking out about the pain they have carried from their parents’ divorce decades ago. Therapist Judith Wallerstein, for example, argued in her book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce that children experience more serious, and longer lasting, harm than many people have suspected.

Con: You Model for Your Children that it is Okay to be Miserable

Children look to their parents as role models, and people who are miserable and constantly bickering set a terrible example for their children. Some parents wrongly believe that they are effectively hiding their disagreements from their children. But as psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps has argued, children pick up more than you might think. Children will learn that you cope with stress by denying that there is a problem””a terrible lesson for your children going forward.

Considering Divorce? Discuss Your Legal Concerns with a Lakewood, Colorado Divorce Lawyer

Whether to get divorced is a complicated question, and only you can answer it. However, if you have questions about how a divorce will affect you legally, you should meet with an experienced Greenwood divorce attorney. At Divorce Matters, we offer potential clients a free consultation, so please contact us today.

 

Relocating With Children After Divorce

In this article we discuss the issue of relocating with children after a divorce or allocation of parental responsibilities order has already been entered. Relocating to another state with a child is a big decision, and unsurprisingly the courts take this issue very seriously. In addition to the usual statutory considerations as to what is in the best interests of the children, there are nine additional factors that the courts consider when determining how to resolve a relocation motion. Instead of going through all of the factors we’re going to highlight some of them that are unique to relocation matters that we have found to be critical, although it’s important to note that judges can give differing amounts of weight to any of these factors as they see fit. For a list of all the factors a court can consider see C.R.S. § 14-10-124(1.5)(I”“ XI) and C.R.S. § 14-10-129(2)(c)(I”“IX).

One of the most important considerations for any judge is the presence of family where the children currently reside versus where the proposed new location is. Most judges give significant weight to how the move will impact family ties. If children will be gaining family members to be around, especially if they have already established positive relationships with them, it can help boost the chances of being able to relocate. Conversely, a parent who wants to move children away from family members may experience more difficulty in being allowed to do so.

Courts also inquire into the educational opportunities for the children where the children currently reside versus where the proposed new location. School rankings, extracurricular activities and clubs, and advanced educational programs such as International Baccalaureate are just some of what can set one school apart from another. Whether you’re the parent who wants to move or you’re wanting to prevent the move, you’ll want to be intimately familiar with the educational opportunities at both locations.

Last, but certainly not least, we’ll examine the two factors at the very core of the move: Why does one parent want to move and why does the other parent want to prevent the move? For example, if Dad wants to move to sunny California because he’s tired of winter a court would be less likely to grant that than if Dad wanted to move to California because he found a new job that would double his salary and be closer to family. The way a court examines the reasons a parent objects to the proposed move is more nuanced than it appears at first glance. Although it may seem obvious that the reason a parent objects to the move is because they want to be near their children, this isn’t exactly what a court is looking for. Essentially, the judge wants to know the specific reasons as to why a parent thinks it will be worse for the children to move instead of simply objecting to the move because it would make the parent sad or simply to make the other parent’s life more difficult.

Planning and preparation is key to winning or defeating a motion to relocate. You can’t change the facts, but effectively planning out your case and strategizing at an early stage improves your chances of success. Hiring an attorney before filing or as soon as you are served with a motion gives you the best opportunity to put on an effective case.

If either you or your ex is planning on relocating and your children are involved, reach out to Divorce Matters today and our experienced attorneys can help guide you on what the next steps are.

The Different Types of Child Custody

When parents divorce, a judge will need to decide who the children will spend time with and which parent will have the legal authority to make decisions for the child. Collectively, these are child custody decisions, though Colorado now prefers to use the term “parental rights and responsibilities” instead of “custody.” Child custody decisions are often very emotional ones, although they do not have to be. Read on for more information about the different types of child custody.

Physical Custody

This is perhaps the easiest type of custody to understand. Physical custody means that the child is primarily living with you and is under your supervision. The other parent is given visitation, also called “parenting time.” Depending on the circumstances, parents might be given extensive visitation or limited visitation.

Legal Custody

Even if a child is not living with you, you can have a say about important decisions regarding the child’s healthcare and education. This is legal custody. For example, you might need to decide whether your child can have surgery. If the judge has awarded you legal custody, then you get to make those decisions.

Sole Custody

Sole custody means that only one parent has custody. For example, a parent might be given sole physical and legal custody of the children, thus cutting out the other parent completely. Colorado law does not favor sole custody. Instead, Colorado law advocates that both parents remain in contact with their children. Sole custody is rare and reserved mostly for those situations where one parent is completely unfit.

Joint Custody

Today, joint custody has become the norm. Joint custody can be joint legal custody, joint physical custody, or both. Colorado law tries to keep both parents as involved in their children’s lives as possible. Unless one parent moves out of state, then both should spend extensive amounts of time with their children.

The precise amount will depend on how close the parents live to each other. For example, if they live in the same city or town, then a judge might divide physical custody 50/50. However, if one has moved a couple hours away, then one parent might be given regular weekend visitation as well as time in the summer.

Reaching an Agreement

You can lower the temperature of any divorce by coming up with an arrangement that works for everybody instead of fighting tooth and nail for sole custody. With respect to visitation, parents should create visitation schedules that they can stick to. If you have a busy job, you shouldn’t agree to weekly visitation if you are on the road constantly.

Of course, in some situation, you might not want joint custody with your ex. Common examples include a spouse who has been abusive to his or her children. Every situation is different, and you should discuss your concerns with your divorce lawyer.

Contact a Lakewood Child Custody Attorney for Help

Child custody decisions are probably the most important ones involved in any divorce. For help with your divorce, speak to a Lakewood divorce attorney at Divorce Matters. Our lawyers are happy to meet with you for a consultation, so call 720-580-6745 today.

What is Bird’s Nest Custody?

In the past, child custody arrangements involved dropping off the kids at the other parent’s house when it was their scheduled time for visitation. While that still happens often nowadays, there is a new type of child custody arrangement that is gaining in popularity. Called bird’s nest custody, it sounds like something from Animal Planet, but it’s actually a great idea for parents who want to minimize disruption to their child’s lives after a divorce.

Bird’s nest custody is a form of child custody arrangement. Instead of going back and forth from one parent’s house to another, the children stay put and live in one house. The parents are the ones who rotate in. Dad comes in when it’s his turn to parent. When it’s Mom’s turn, Dad leaves and Mom stays in the house until it’s Dad’s turn again.

The court rarely mandates such an arrangement, so it’s up to the parents to decide if this unique arrangement will work for them. It offers many benefits, especially for the children, but can be difficult for the parents. Here are the pros and cons to consider.

Benefits of Bird’s Nest Custody

The biggest advantage of bird’s nest custody is that it is focused on the children. The children get to stay in the house, so their lives do not get disrupted. This gives children more stability and reduces anxiety.

Communication is also easier for the parents because they both inhabit the home, just at different times. They can simply leave notes for each other or even talk as they switch custody.

A bird’s nest arrangement can save money in some ways. The kids don’t have to have two of everything so they can leave one at each parent’s house. This also means that they won’t lose belongings as they are being shuttled back and forth.

Disadvantages of Bird’s Nest Custody

Probably the biggest issue with bird’s nest custody is the cost of maintaining three separate residences: one for the kids and one for each parent. It’s possible for the parents to share a home as well, since they will be rotating in and out of it, but that can get awkward and cause privacy issues.

Proximity is another consideration. This arrangement won’t work if the parents don’t live near the home. Also, it can make it hard for parents to move on after a divorce. It can be hard to form new relationships if they are living in two separate households.

This arrangement works only for divorces that were amicable. It can get awkward since the parents have to see each other during custody exchanges, and it’s not good for the children to see their parents fighting constantly.

Contact an Aurora Child Custody Lawyer Today

Child custody matters can be complicated. If you’re looking for a custody arrangement that will work best for the kids and parents, contact the family law professionals at Divorce Matters. We can offer trusted advice while protecting your legal rights. Request a consultation today by contacting Divorce Matters online or by calling (720) 463-1232.

Grandparents and Child Custody

Certain circumstances may cause a parent to be unable or unwilling to take proper care of his or her children. When this happens, grandparents often step forward to provide the care and support their grandchildren need. However, grandparents that desire full or partial legal custody of their grandchildren may find themselves fighting an uphill battle.

Natural parents have fundamental rights to be with their children. In order to infringe on a parent’s rights to his or her children, a grandparent must present a compelling argument to support his or her request for custody. Grandparents must have “clear and convincing” evidence that parental custody is not in the best interest of the child.

Can Grandparents Get Child Custody in a Denver Divorce?

There are only a few circumstances in which a grandparent may be given physical and/or legal custody of his or her grandchildren. If a custody case for the child has been filed, grandparents and other third parties are allowed to throw their proverbial hats into the ring. Grandparents may be able to obtain temporary custody of their grandchildren if the parents’ divorce is particularly hostile or volatile. Other situations when a grandparent may request custody of a grandchild include:

  • If a child has been removed from his parents’ home and placed in foster care, grandparents are given priority preference to take physical care of the child, if they are able and willing to do so. (If parents are unmarried or divorced, the child’s other parent has preferential status.)
  • If the grandparent has provided primary care and physical residence for the grandchild for at least six months, the grandparent may request legal responsibility of the child.
  • If the child lived with the grandparent(s) for at least six months, and has been out of their care for no more than six months, the grandparents can ask the court for legal responsibility of the child.
  • If the child is currently in the physical care of someone that is not the child’s parent.

Unlike parents, grandparents have no automatic custody or visitation rights. They must demonstrate to the court that granting these rights would be in the best interest of the child. To determine what is in the child’s best interest, the judge will consider the physical and emotional health, environmental stability, and child’s relationship with each interested party, as well as any reports of child abuse or neglect.

Grandparent Visitation and Colorado Grandparent Custody Laws

If the court finds granting custody to the child’s grandparents is inappropriate, the judge may still decide to grant visitation rights. In Colorado, a grandparent may be allowed legal visitation rights if:

  • the child’s parents are granted a divorce, annulment, or legal separation;
  • legal custody of the child is granted to someone other than his or her parents; or
  • the child’s parent is deceased.

As always, visitation and custody rights are only granted if they are in the best interest of the child.

Call a Denver Grandparent Custody Lawyer

Divorce Matters is a full-service family law firm with locations in Greenwood Village and Lakewood. Contact us to request a consultation.

Co-Parenting During the Holiday Season

Co-parenting isn’t always the easiest to navigate during normal times of the year but when you inject the holidays into the mix it can seem downright impossible. The important thing to keep in mind is that it isn’t really about you or your ex, it’s really about your children. When you remember this, it can help you through anything the holiday season might throw your way. And with a little advanced planning with your co-parent, this holiday season can go off without a hitch!

The biggest thing to remember is that your children are the focus this holiday season. Try to make things as easy as possible for them even if that means you won’t get them on exactly the days that you want. This will require advanced planning between you and your co-parent, seeing which days make sense for whom so that your children get to visit with family and still enjoy their time. This will also require some flexibility on your part in case things don’t go exactly as planned. If you need to go with the flow the stress shouldn’t felt by your children.

You will also want to make sure that you coordinate gifts with your co-parent. Not only do you not want to repeat a gift for your child, but you also want to make sure that you both agree upon a certain level of spend. You’ll want to make sure that one co-parent doesn’t feel alienated because the other buys extravagantly. You also want to show a united front and to do so you must make sure that things off limits in one household aren’t being provided in another.

Finally, make sure that you prioritize a little bit of time for yourself. If you aren’t going to have your children the entire holiday season don’t let that time alone daunt you. Use this time for yourself, to relax and enjoy yourself. Spend some quality time with friends you haven’t seen in a while and catch up. Or you can use the time to take a relaxing bath and watch your favorite movies. Whatever helps you destress, use the time you have alone to do just that and you’ll feel rejuvenated.

Who Gets the Kids for Christmas?

Christmas is often described as a magical time of year, but for divorced parents, the holidays are nothing but stress. Having to share custody of the kids and possibly spend Christmas alone is nobody’s idea of fun. However, many parents are able to work through it and come up with workable custody schedules to ensure that children get to see both parents while on winter break.

”˜Tis the season for compromise. But what if you and the other parent cannot agree on a custody schedule? You may need to discuss the situation with your lawyer and get the courts involved. The courts, however, prefer that parents work it out on their own. When the court has to make the decision, both parents end up losing.

Christmas is a time where kids are off school and parents have time off work. So how can you determine child custody during Christmas in a fair way so you both get time with your children? Here are some ideas.

Split the Days

Christmas encompasses two days: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Since both parents tend to want to celebrate Christmas with the kids, each parent can choose day. One parent can have the kids on Christmas Eve until the evening (say 8 p.m. or 9 p.m.) and then the kids can spend Christmas Day with the other parent. This only works, however, if the parents live close to each other.

One Week at a Time

If you and the other parent live a great distance from each other, you may want to consider having a week with the kids. Kids tend to have two weeks off school during this time, so you can get the first or second week and the other parent can have the other. You can still break it up at Christmas Eve, though, so both parents can see the kids on Christmas.

What to Keep in Mind

Don’t argue with the other parent about every holiday. Think about the holidays that are most important to you and develop a custody schedule from there. You may have to compromise or create new traditions, and that’s OK. Life for you and the children will change to some degree after a divorce.

Also, plan your Christmastime custody schedule well in advance. Don’t tell the kids the day before Christmas what will be happening. You and the other parent should have the schedule nailed down by November. Confirm the schedule via email or phone and print out a hard copy. You may want to give a copy to your lawyer for legal purposes.

Contact a Denver Child Custody Lawyer Today

Child custody matters can be complicated, especially during the holidays. While both parents want to spend Christmas with their children, you might not always get your way. Compromises will need to be made. If you require assistance creating a holiday parenting plan, contact the family law professionals at Divorce Matters. We will help you get a favorable outcome. Request a consultation today by contacting Divorce Matters online or by calling (720) 463-1232.

When Can I Make a Divorce Plan Modification?

Once the final decree has been entered, most people believe their divorce is over. However, there are some situations in which a divorce settlement or judgment may need to be changed. Keep in mind only certain aspects of your divorce decree can be modified. Court orders involving asset and property distribution are typically unable to be altered. Learn more about when a modification to your divorce order may be appropriate.

Child Custody

Child custody and parenting time are issues that may need to be readdressed as children get older and circumstances change. Either parent may request to modify a child custody order. However, child custody and decision-making orders can only be modified every two years, unless the child’s health and/or emotional development is endangered or a custodial parent is making plans to move far away. You must be able to demonstrate that the modification is in the best interest of the child, as well as show circumstances have changed significantly since the last time the custody order was modified. Keep in mind that adjustments to parenting time may also affect your child support obligations.

Child Support

Child support payments are likely to fluctuate over the course of a child’s life. A parent’s child support obligations are based on the incomes of both parents, the amount of parenting time granted to each parent, and the needs of the child. If any of these factors change, your child support order should be modified to reflect your family’s current situation. You can submit a request to modify your child support order in the following circumstances:

  • your child has been emancipated;
  • either parent has experienced a change in income;
  • the cost of child care, health insurance, or other expenses for the child has changed; or
  • the amount of time the child spends with either parent has changed.

Alimony

Alimony is awarded based on the supported spouse’s needs and the supporting spouse’s ability to pay. If either of these change, a modification may be in order. An alimony agreement might need to be altered if either spouse experiences a drastic change in his or her financial situation. For example, if the supported spouse lands a big-time job with a higher salary than that of the supporting spouse, alimony payments should probably be eliminated or reduced.

Parenting Plans

Parenting plans typically include agreements regarding visitation arrangements, as well as each parent’s support obligations. Many parents also include guidelines for communication, rules for significant others, and lifestyle decisions, such as decisions about the child’s religious observance, medical care, education decisions, and after-school activities. If both parents agree to the modification, they can jointly submit an amended parenting plan to the judge for approval. However, if a dispute between the parents cannot be settled out-of-court, the judge may grant a hearing to consider the proposed modification.

Contact a Denver Divorce Modification Lawyer Today

If you need to change your child custody, child support, or alimony order, contact the experienced family law attorneys at Divorce Matters. Call us at (720) 726-1417 or fill out the online contact form to request a consultation at our Greenwood Village or Lakewood locations.

Paternity, DNA & Old Wives Tales

Sure, you thought that DNA test would prove paternity once and for all right? Wrong. When unmarried couples bear children, the father is not automatically entitled to have his name on the birth certificate.  A father can have his name on the birth certificate simply by proving though a paternity action he is the biological father. A father can also have his name placed on the birth certificate if he signs a written acknowledgement of paternity. You can acknowledge paternity even if you are not the biological father.
This signed acknowledgement of paternity can be challenged within 60 days. After 60 days, a signed acknowledgement of paternity can be challenged only on the basis of fraud, duress or material mistake of fact. If a man signs an acknowledgement of paternity then that man can become liable for child support even if he is not the biological father.
If you say you are the father in writing, it may be very difficult to avoid paying child support later on even if DNA evidence proves otherwise. This is because a signed acknowledgement of paternity is extremely difficult to set aside after 60 days.