Military families face unique challenges that can place an extraordinary strain on marriages. Frequent relocations, long separations, and the stress of deployment can all take a toll on relationships. When divorce becomes unavoidable, service members and their spouses encounter additional legal and emotional hurdles—especially when children are involved.
One of the most complex issues in a military divorce is child custody. Unlike civilian divorces, custody arrangements in military families must account for deployments, frequent moves, and the demands of military service. These factors don’t just affect the parents; they shape the lives of children who must adapt to changing routines and sometimes long absences from one parent.
This blog explores how deployment impacts custody, the legal considerations unique to military divorces, and the ways families can protect their children’s best interests during this difficult time.
The Unique Challenges of Military Divorce
While every divorce is difficult, military divorces bring distinctive complications that influence custody decisions. Some of the most significant challenges include:
1. Deployment and Extended Absences
Unlike civilian parents, military service members may be deployed overseas or stationed away from home for months—or even years—at a time. These absences make traditional custody arrangements difficult. Courts must plan for what happens when a parent cannot physically care for the child due to military duty.
2. Frequent Relocations
Military families often relocate every two to three years. This can disrupt a child’s schooling, social life, and routine. It also complicates custody orders if parents live in different states or even different countries.
3. Jurisdictional Issues
In civilian divorces, custody cases are typically handled by the state where the child resides. But with military families moving frequently, questions about which state has jurisdiction can arise. The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA) provides guidelines, but applying them in military situations can be complex.
4. Emotional Strain on Families
The uncertainty of deployments and relocations can heighten stress for both parents and children. These pressures often play into custody disputes, as each parent may feel strongly about where and how their children should be raised.
Legal Protections for Military Parents
Recognizing these unique challenges, both federal and state laws provide protections for service members in custody and divorce proceedings.
The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA)
The SCRA offers legal protections to military members so they are not disadvantaged in civil proceedings while serving. For custody disputes, this means:
- Courts may postpone proceedings if a service member cannot attend due to deployment.
- Service members have the right to request stays or delays to ensure they can participate in their case.
These provisions help ensure that custody decisions are not made unfairly in a parent’s absence.
State Custody Laws and Deployment Provisions
Many states, including Colorado, have laws that specifically address how deployment impacts custody. Typically, these laws:
- Prevent courts from permanently altering custody arrangements solely because of deployment.
- Allow temporary modifications during deployment, with the understanding that custody reverts once the service member returns.
- Permit service members to delegate parenting time to another family member (such as a grandparent) during deployment.
These protections aim to preserve the parent-child relationship despite the realities of military service.
Custody Arrangements in Military Divorce
When courts evaluate custody in a military divorce, the primary focus remains the best interests of the child. However, the realities of military life influence how custody is structured.
Primary vs. Joint Custody
- Primary Custody: In many military families, the non-military parent may be awarded primary custody due to the service member’s deployment schedule. This provides stability for the child.
- Joint Custody: Courts still favor joint custody when possible, but practical considerations—such as the military parent’s availability—play a role in how parenting time is divided.
Temporary Custody During Deployment
When a military parent is deployed, temporary custody arrangements are often put in place. These arrangements may include:
- Allowing the child to stay with the non-military parent full-time.
- Granting extended visitation to the non-military parent during deployment.
- Assigning visitation rights to close relatives of the deployed parent if permitted by law.
Parenting Plans and Flexibility
Military divorces often require customized parenting plans that account for deployment and relocation. These plans may include:
- Provisions for makeup parenting time when the service member returns.
- Communication arrangements (video calls, letters, or emails) to maintain the parent-child bond during deployment.
- Flexibility clauses allowing parents to adjust schedules based on duty changes.
The Emotional Impact on Children
Beyond the legal complexities, custody and deployment profoundly affect children. Divorce itself is disruptive, but combined with the absence of a parent due to military service, the emotional toll can be significant.
Common Challenges for Children
- Separation Anxiety: Long deployments can cause children to feel abandoned or disconnected from the deployed parent.
- Adjustment Stress: Relocations may force children to repeatedly change schools and social circles.
- Emotional Uncertainty: Divorce can create insecurity about where the child belongs and how family relationships will function.
Supporting Children Through the Transition
Parents can take proactive steps to minimize the emotional strain:
- Maintain consistent routines wherever possible.
- Encourage open communication about the child’s feelings.
- Use technology to keep the deployed parent present in the child’s life.
- Seek counseling or support groups for military families.
When both parents prioritize the child’s well-being over disputes, children are better able to adjust.
Best Practices for Military Families Facing Divorce
Successfully navigating custody and deployment during a military divorce requires careful planning and cooperation. Here are some best practices for families:
1. Develop a Detailed Parenting Plan
Anticipate deployment, relocation, and changes in schedule. The more specific the plan, the fewer disputes arise later.
2. Communicate Clearly and Respectfully
Divorce can heighten emotions, but respectful communication helps parents collaborate on custody arrangements. Keeping the focus on the child’s best interests prevents unnecessary conflict.
3. Prioritize the Child’s Stability
Frequent moves or disruptions can negatively affect children. Courts often consider which parent can provide the most stable environment. Parents should strive to minimize transitions.
4. Stay Informed About Legal Rights
Both service members and civilian spouses should understand their rights under SCRA, state laws, and custody statutes. Consulting an experienced family law attorney ensures these rights are protected.
5. Use Mediation When Possible
Mediation allows parents to create flexible solutions that work for their unique family circumstances. It can reduce conflict, save time, and prevent litigation.
How Attorneys Can Help
Military divorce requires specialized knowledge of both family law and military regulations. An experienced attorney can:
- Explain how state and federal laws apply to your case.
- Assist with jurisdictional issues when families live in different states.
- Help draft parenting plans that accommodate deployment and relocation.
- Represent your interests in court while ensuring the child’s best interests are prioritized.
Legal guidance is essential to ensure custody decisions are fair and workable for both parents and children.
Conclusion: Protecting Families Through Transition
Divorce is never easy, and military families face added challenges when custody and deployment intersect. Service members dedicate their lives to protecting the country, but they should not lose their parental rights because of their duty. At the same time, children deserve stability, love, and support as their family structure changes.
By understanding the legal protections available, planning for deployment, and prioritizing the best interests of the child, military families can navigate divorce with greater confidence. With the right legal and emotional support, parents can create custody arrangements that honor both their responsibilities to their children and to their country.