Last Updated on June 10, 2025 by Divorce Matters
Collaborative divorce is a great option for divorcing couples who are willing to work together to reach appropriate divorce solutions for their unique circumstances. When a couple opts for collaborative divorce, they’re choosing a low-conflict approach that supports both partners and any children involved.
But what is collaborative divorce exactly? It is a legal process where both spouses and their respective attorneys commit to resolving their divorce outside of the court through open communication, negotiation, and mutual respect. Unlike litigation, which can be adversarial and costly, collaborative divorce focuses on cooperation and finding solutions that work for both parties.
However, collaborative divorce is not the right choice for everybody. Some couples simply are not suited to the more freeform structure that comes with collaborative divorce, and these couples are typically best served by litigation or mediation. Divorce Matters® can help you determine if collaborative divorce is right for you.
Couples Who Cannot Communicate Effectively
Successful collaborative divorce hinges on a couple’s ability to communicate with each other effectively. When the partners cannot communicate in a constructive, respectful manner, there is no way for them to reach agreements about their divorce order.
Without the ability to openly discuss concerns, goals, and compromises, the process can quickly break down. Even with the guidance of attorneys and neutral professionals, some couples struggle to keep emotions in check, making it difficult to negotiate fairly. In these cases, mediation or litigation may be better alternatives.
Couples with a History of Domestic Violence
When one partner has a history of abusing the other, collaborative divorce is not the right choice. Even if the abuse happened long in the past, lingering fear, resentment, and a power imbalance make it impossible for the couple to work together in a productive way that serves both parties’ needs.
Domestic violence creates an inherent imbalance of power in a relationship. The victim may feel pressured to concede to unfair terms out of fear or intimidation, even in a collaborative setting. Because what is collaborative divorce if not a fair and balanced negotiation process? In cases involving domestic violence, court intervention is often necessary to ensure safety and fairness in the divorce settlement.
Couples Who Do Not Trust Each Other
Similar to couples who cannot communicate effectively, couples who do not trust each other are not suited to collaborative divorce. After all, if an individual does not trust his or her spouse to be upfront about the state and value of their marital assets, how can he or she expect to have a constructive conversation about them? An individual who suspects his or her spouse is hiding assets may enlist a forensic accountant to locate any hidden assets to ensure they are accurately divided.
What is collaborative divorce without transparency? Trust is essential for a successful collaborative divorce. If one spouse is suspected of hiding assets, lying about income, or being dishonest about financial matters, the entire process is compromised. In these situations, litigation may be necessary to uncover the truth and ensure a fair division of property.
Sometimes, outside professionals have to get involved in a divorce to help the couple reach appropriate determinations, like valuing their home so the couple can decide whether to sell it or have one partner buy out the other’s share of its value. This is not the same as needing a forensic accountant to uncover hidden assets. Any time there is deception or even suspected deception at play in a divorce, the couple should not choose a collaborative divorce.
Couples Who Need Structure and Guidance from the Court
Sometimes, even couples who can work together want the additional support and structure that the courtroom brings. These couples might choose to have the court determine every part of their divorce or just the parts where they cannot reach their own agreement, like their child custody order.
For some, the structure provided by court proceedings is reassuring. The formalized process, legal deadlines, and judge’s authority help keep negotiations on track. What is collaborative divorce compared to a courtroom divorce? While collaborative divorce allows flexibility and creative problem-solving, some couples find comfort in the predictability of a court-ordered divorce.
The Emotional Aspect of Collaborative Divorce
Divorce is a deeply emotional process, and collaborative divorce encourages couples to acknowledge and manage their emotions constructively. While litigation often exacerbates conflict, collaborative divorce fosters a problem-solving mindset. Couples who struggle with emotional regulation may find it difficult to engage in productive discussions, leading to frustration and stalled negotiations.
For those considering collaborative divorce, it is crucial to assess their ability to separate emotions from decision-making. If resentment, anger, or grief prevents rational discussion, the process may not be effective. Therapy or divorce coaching can help individuals navigate their emotions before and during the collaborative process.
When Collaborative Divorce Works Best
Collaborative divorce is most effective when both spouses are committed to working together in good faith. Couples who are willing to be transparent, respect each other’s perspectives, and prioritize fair outcomes tend to benefit the most. It is an excellent option for those who want to avoid the stress, expense, and adversarial nature of court battles. It is also a great option for couples who don’t have any bad blood between them and want to do the right thing for their ex-spouse.
If both spouses agree on major issues such as child custody, asset division, and spousal support, collaborative divorce can be a streamlined and amicable solution. When asking “What is collaborative divorce?” the answer lies in its core principles: cooperation, respect, and a focus on the future rather than dwelling on past grievances.
The Role of Professionals in Collaborative Divorce
A key element of collaborative divorce is the involvement of neutral professionals. These may include financial specialists, child psychologists, and divorce coaches, all working to ensure a fair outcome for both parties. Their role is to provide expert guidance without the adversarial nature of court proceedings.
For instance, financial professionals help couples divide assets, calculate support payments, and develop long-term financial plans. Child specialists ensure that parenting plans prioritize the well-being of the children. When asking, “What is collaborative divorce?” it is important to understand that it is a team-driven approach, offering a holistic resolution to divorce.
Work with an Experienced Denver Collaborative Law Attorney
Collaborative divorce is not for everybody. If you are not sure if collaborative divorce is for you – or if you are certain that it is or is not the right choice for your divorce – schedule your initial legal consultation with an experienced Colorado divorce lawyer today to learn more about your rights and legal options. The team at Divorce Matters® is here to help you take control of your divorce and move forward in a productive manner.
Understanding collaborative divorce can help couples make informed decisions about their future. By choosing the right process for their circumstances, they can ensure a smoother transition and a fair resolution that benefits both parties. If you are considering collaborative divorce, contact us today to explore your options.