Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month

Every year, RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, celebrates Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention month in April. Each year has its own theme and focus and this year, carrying over from last year, the focus is on sexual violence and harassment online. RAINN continues to advocate for those who are victims and wants to “[Build] Safe Online Spaces Together”. In creating these safe spaces, it is important to acknowledge what this kind of sexual violence involves. Online sexual abuse can be any type of harassment, exploitation or abuse that takes place through a screen. This can include:

  • Sending unwelcome messages about sex or hateful comments based on sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation
  • Sending unwanted requests for nude photos or videos
  • Performing sexual acts on webcam without the consent of everyone involved
  • Sharing private images or videos without the consent of everyone involved
  • Sharing porn in places where not everyone has consented to view it
  • Grooming children online to enable their sexual abuse on or offline

Online sexual violence does not necessarily have to occur entirely online. If part of the abuse takes place online, then it can fall into this category. As mentioned above, this also includes grooming children online to enable sexual violence against them in person. It is important to take this kind of sexual violence seriously. The viewpoint that this type of violence is not as harmful is incredibly dangerous. The same attitudes and beliefs that lead to sexual violence committed in person influence sexual violence online. It is incredibly important to take this kind of abuse seriously, especially when it comes to making victims feel heard. This abuse is just as serious and can even lead to physical violence. A safe online space is one that is inclusive, where everyone is treated with respect and dignity.

RAINN has initiatives throughout the year to help victims of rape, abuse, and incest, not just during Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. To learn more about RAINN, what they do throughout the year, and what they’re doing this month, visit their website www.rainn.org 

Essential Books for Anyone Going Through a Divorce

Going through a divorce is incredibly difficult and emotional. Luckily, lots of others have gone through the divorce process over time. Previously divorced people, as well as others like therapists and self-help gurus, help us set a blueprint as we go forward. Divorce Matters has pulled together a list of the essential books written by these divorce experts to read during your divorce, including self-help books, relationship books, divorce specific books, books for single parents, and even books to help your kids through the process!

Self Help

Wherever You Go There You Are

Self help book with meditation that focuses on unlocking the calming powers of the mind.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed: A book about a therapist and her own journey through therapy as she deals with crisis in her own life.

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It

A former CEO writes about finding happiness and saving himself through self-love after his company failed.

The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity

Julia Cameron guides her readers through a journey to find deeper connection to process and purpose through creativity.

Untamed

In this NYT bestseller, Glennon Doyle digs into how she abandoned what the world wanted for her and started living for herself through her tail of divorce and a new blended family!

You Might Die Tomorrow So Live Today

“Forget the idea that death is morbid and start using it as your greatest source of motivation”

Activate Your Joy

This book is a self-help guide to implement 12 missions to design a vision for your life.

Tiny Beautiful Things

An anonymous online columnist, now revealed as Cheryl Strayed, is the person thousands turn to for advice. She groups her advice together into the novel Tiny Beautiful Things

The Gifts of Imperfection

Best selling author Brene Brown writes this book as an “invitation to join a wholehearted revolution. A small, quiet, grassroots movement that starts with each of us saying, ‘My story matters because I matter.’ Revolution might sound a little dramatic, but in this world, choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance.”

Relationships

All About Love: New Visions

bell hooks offers a new prospective on a society without care, compassion, and unity. She uses this novel to explore the concept of love and what it truly is.

The Road Less Traveled

Helps to explore the nature of loving relationships and leads us to a better life.

Divorce

Getting Past Your Breakup

A proven plan for overcoming the end of. romantic relationship, including strategies for healing, confidence building, and finding true love.

You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup

This book marks a collaboration between self-help expert Louise Hay and grief and loss expert David Kessler.  The to come together to discuss the emotions you feel after a breakup and how to begin to move on. 

Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child

Therapist, family expert, and mediator Isolina Ricci presents a guide to shared custody for parents and their children.

Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter, and Happier After Divorce

A roadmap for how to transform the trauma of divorce into a positive and life changing experience.

Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After

Katherine Woodward Thomas pens this novel as a way to help others understand her groundbreaking “conscious uncoupling” method through five steps.

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing

Susan Anderson applies the five stages of grief to an entirely separate kind of grief: grieving a relationship.

The New Rules of Divorce

Jacqueline Newman’s book will help you decide whether you’re really ready for divorce, protecting your finances, find the right attorney, and heal and stay sane in the craziest time of your life.

Single Parents

The Kickass Single Mom

Emma Johnson’s novel comes from a wealth of experience, which she gained by start the weathlysinglemommy.com blog after her own divorce left her pregnant, broke, and a single mother to a toddler.

Who Will Hold Me? A Single Mother’s Memoir of Self-Love, Empowerment, and Freedom

A memoir that shows that a loving life is within reach, no matter your scenario.

But Dad!: A Survival Guide for Single Fathers of Tween and Teen Girls

The perfect book for dads who suddenly find themselves as the single fathers of growing girls

A Complete Guide for Single Dads: Everything You Need to Know About Raising Healthy, Happy Children On Your Own

A perfect guide for single dads raising children!

Kids

Kids

Two Homes

Dinosaurs Divorce

My Family’s Changing 

When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends

What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce? A Survival Guide for Kids

The Huge Bag of Worries

Cool! 

Can I Get Divorced If I Recently Became a U.S. Citizen?

The citizenship process is incredibly daunting. When you add the complication of divorce to that, it can become flat-out overwhelming. Our goal here is to make sure that you know the facts about what can and cannot happen to you. Having all of the information is helpful in settling some of the anxiety that comes from dealing with the legal system, in both divorce and citizenship cases.

Is there any difference in the divorce proceedings if I have recently become a U.S. citizen?

The short answer is no! The proceedings should continue exactly as they would if there were no citizenship concerns. If you have recently become a citizen, there are no concerns about the status of your citizenship. Because your citizenship has already been awarded and approved, it cannot be taken away from you. The same goes for permanent resident status. If your green card has already been approved, it will not be taken away. When you refile for your green card, the application contains no marriage questions and even allows you to change your name when filing the paperwork.

In short, if you have obtained the permanent resident status or U.S. citizenship, you have no reason to worry about your status when getting divorced. Your status cannot be revoked because of the divorce and your status cannot be used against you in your divorce case.

Expert Spotlight: Ric Taylor and Touchbase Counseling

At Divorce Matters, we know that an attorney is only one member of the team helping you get through your divorce. Your family and friends are, of course, part of your team, but so are other professionals in your life, including realtors, accountants, and therapists. As part of our “Ask the Experts” initiative, Divorce Matters has pulled together a list of professionals that we trust to help you get through your divorce and move forward in your life. We have decided to spotlight some of these amazing professionals and first up is Ric Taylor.

Ric Taylor is a therapist at Touchbase Counseling in Lone Tree, Colorado. Ric has developed a special niche working with people recovering from and going through divorce. The divorce process can bring up a variety of complex emotions and while the legal aspects of divorce can be difficult, the anxiety, shame, guilt, rage and other painful feelings can be the most overwhelming part. It can feel as though the bottom has dropped out of your personal life. Despite that feeling, life doesn’t stop and functional things like career, kids, school, and staying healthy have to keep going.

Ric Taylor can help you look into yourself and find ways to ease the burden of the pain you are feeling. Ric is especially adept at helping fathers move forward through divorce.

Ric and Touchbase Counseling can help in the following areas:

  • Depression
  • Substance and Behavioral Addictions
  • Reframing the difficulties
  • Grief and Loss
  • Parenting concerns, especially when it comes to co-parenting with an ex
  • Parent Child Conflict
  • Conflict Resolution and High Conflict Divorce

Ric offers a complimentary phone consult to every client so that you can make sure he’s the right fit for your needs. Call Touchbase Counseling at 720-924-1144 or learn more at their website: www.touchbasecounseling.com.

Co-Parenting During School Vacations

Co-parenting is difficult enough, but when it comes to school vacations, even more difficulties can arise. With spring break well on it’s way, now is a perfect time to discuss a few tips for co-parenting during your kids’ breaks from school!

 It’s Never Too Early

One of the most important parts of co-parenting is to communicate early and often! The best way to avoid arguments and confrontation between co-parents is to ensure that plans are communicated clearly and, just to be safe, multiple times. Planning in advance can also help with appropriate communication. If the plans are set in stone ahead of time, it leaves plenty of time for co-parents to discuss the plans and approve them!

Put it in the Parenting Plan

The best way to avoid conflict among co-parents is to leave everything up to the parenting plan! If your parenting plan defines which parent gets which vacations, it will be easy to decide where your kids’ go when they’re off school. Because the parenting plan is decided ahead of time, it also makes it easy to refer to when planning vacations. Ideally, parents can then plan their vacations to coincide with the school vacations they will be spending with their kids!

How to Split School Vacations

There are a few different ways that co-parents can split school vacation days amongst themselves. One way to do this is to give each parent an equal amount of holidays. For example, one parent would get Winter break and one would get Thanksgiving break! Another way to do it is to split each holiday exactly in half. If Winter break works out to be 14 days, then each parent would have 7 days of time with the kids. One more way to split holidays is to not split them at all! Co-parents and their children can spend time together over school breaks as opposed to splitting the breaks. Each family is different and what works best for one family will not work best for another. Do what works best for you, your co-parent, and your children!

Kids First

It is important to always remember that the kids come first. Everything should be done with the kids’ best interest at heart!

Attorney Spotlight: Ariel Williams

Attorney Ariel E. Williams brings a compassionate approach to her clients’ legal solutions, empowering her clients with the knowledge they need to navigate towards a better future.  For her, the most important outcome is that her clients get through their divorce with their heads held high and the tools they need to be able to move forward with their lives.

Ariel is an attorney out of our Fort Collins office and serves clients all over Colorado. Ariel’s goal as an attorney is to provide excellent legal service through attention to her clients’ experience. For her, communication is key in delivering on this goal. This means she is responsive with her clients, takes the time to explain everything going on in their case with them as to avoid surprises, and delivers a sense of relief to her clients when they know their case is being handled by someone who cares.

Ariel is a collaboratively trained attorney and she approaches each of her cases with that training in mind. This means she works towards resolutions outside of court. She is guided by her clients’ goals and wants her clients to come to the best solution for them, their ex, and their children. However, when litigation is needed, Ariel is ready to tenaciously represent her clients in court. She has trial experience in divorce cases, as well as post-decree, military divorces, child custody, child support and maintenance matters. Ariel’s experience in child custody is especially strong and she zealously represents her clients and their children.

When Ariel isn’t representing her clients, she tries to spend as much time as possible outdoors! Good thing she lives in Colorado! She loves long-distance running, hiking, snowshoeing and camping. She also loves spending her time with her husband and two cats, baking pies and reading.

To schedule a 45 minute initial consultation with Ariel, contact us! 

Can I Take My Child on Vacation If I Have Joint Custody?

When it comes to taking your child on vacation, it can be difficult to determine what is right and wrong when you have joint custody. While you want to have fun with your child, you don’t want to step on any toes!

In most cases, the best way to determine what’s okay is to look to your court ordered parenting agreement. Parenting agreements will often set forth some rules around taking your kids on vacation. If it is during your parenting time, there likely won’t be any issues with taking your child on vacation! However, if you would like to take your child on vacation during a time you would not usually have them, things may be a little more complicated. your ex legally has rights to your child during that time, so it would be very important to get permission from your ex to have your children during this time period. It may be a good idea to get their permission in writing, just in case you encounter any issues.

There may be some parameters set forth in the parenting agreement regarding vacations, for example, letting your ex know if your will be taking your child out of the country. It may also be a good idea to provide your ex with an itinerary, so they know what dates you will be gone! An important thing to remember is to treat your ex how you would want to be treated. If you would want to know when your children go on vacation, extend your ex the same courtesy!

In the end, the most important thing to remember is to follow the parenting plan. That should be your guideline for any and everything involving custody issues! When in doubt, check the parenting agreement!

If I Get a Raise, Do I Need to Report it For Child Support?

Child support can be a pretty complicated topic, especially when the child support amount may need to change. So what does happen if you get a raise? Do you need to report it?

Do I need to report my raise?

To change your child support in Colorado, the court requires a “substantial and continuing” change. This change can include a change in income. Because this language is sort of murky, the courts have further defined what they mean by a substantial change when it comes to income. If you have a raise of 10% or more, that would be defined as substantial. It is important to note that this is just a guideline and the courts may decide a lower amount is substantial enough for a change!

The change in child support can go both ways and will depend on which parent got a raise in income. If the child support paying parent got a raise, the amount of the child support payment will likely increase. However, if the parent receiving child support gets a substantial raise, the parent paying the child support may have their payment decrease.

If you want to see how your or your ex’s raise will affect your child support, check out the Divorce Matters Calculator App.

How do I get my child support updated?

Changes in child support payments are not automatic.  There are two ways child support can be modified.  The first is through an annual assessment.  In Colorado, parents are supposed to reassess and recalculate their child support agreement “once a year or less”. This reassessment will be based on changes in income, parenting time, and other factors, like child care and living expenses. If there have been no changes to income parenting time, etc., then the annual reassessment is not required.

If a change has occurred, however, the court requires this annual reassessment. Both parents have a duty to report any changes that have happened over the previous year. This is supposed to make it more difficult for either parent to hide information, especially an increase in income, from the other parent.

The second way child support can be modified is through a request to the court to modify the child support order. If your ex does not agree to your modification request, the court will request a hearing to determine the appropriate course of action. Afterward, the court will issue an order either modifying your existing child support order or denying the request to do so.

Am I entitled to back pay?

If your request for child support modification is approved, you will generally get child support back pay to the time you filed a request for a change with the court.  It will not apply prior to the time of filing. For example, if your ex gets a raise in August, you file a Motion to Modify Child Support in October, and the Motion is approved in December, you are entitled to “back pay” beginning in October.  You are not entitled to back pay for August and September before the Motion was filed.  This means that it is important to request a change with the court as soon as you know that there is a change.

If there is back pay, it will not be due all at once. Instead, it will be summed up and paid over the next two years. For example, if you are owed an extra $200 in child support for October and November, you won’t receive $200 in December.  Instead, you will receive an extra $8.33 a month for the next two years.

Contact us if you have any questions about modifying your existing child support agreement or would like to speak to an expert child custody attorney today!

Attorney Spotlight: Justin Oliver

Attorney Justin Oliver has plenty of experience in family law, which led him to work for Divorce Matters. Justin works out of our Fort Collins office and is both a senior attorney and helps to manage our Fort Collins team! Justin and his Fort Collins attorneys help to provide smart and effective representation to Divorce Matters clients in Northern Colorado and throughout the Front Range.

Since graduating from Drake Law School in Des Moines, Iowa in 2014, Justin has continued to grow his legal knowledge and skills. He focuses exclusively on family law and represents his clients in divorces, custody disputes, protection order hearings, conflicts regarding spousal and child support, and a variety of other issues contained under the family law umbrella in Colorado.

While Justin is highly skilled across the board, his specialties are dissolution of marriage cases, high asset divorces, post-decree motions, and highly litigated cases!

Justin isn’t just an attorney though! When he isn’t in the office, Justin loves enjoying all of the natural beauty the Fort Collins area and the Front Range have to offer. He and his wife love spending time together outdoors, especially hiking with their husky Nanook and riding their Harleys. When they aren’t cruising the open roads, Justin and his wife love to volunteer in their local community and catch live music!

Schedule an initial consultation with Justin today!

How Do I Modify My Divorce After It Has Already Been Completed?

It is possible to modify a divorce after it has been finalized. This process is known as Post-Decree Modification. But how does it work?

Proving Need

The first step to modifying your divorce decree is proving that your circumstances have changed. When the court finalizes your divorce, it is expected that you and your ex-spouse will abide by the terms and conditions that you, your ex, and the court have agreed upon. However, the State of Colorado recognizes that there may be circumstances in which the terms and conditions of the divorce will need to change! If you want to modify your divorce decree, you will have to prove to the court that there is a “substantial and continuing change in circumstances”. For example, if you were paying child support and lost your job (and have difficulty finding another one), the court would likely agree that you have had a change in circumstances.

What Types of Modification Are There?

You can modify various aspects of your divorce, but the most common modifications relate to spousal maintenance (also known as alimony), child support, property division, and parenting time and responsibilities.

How Do I Get Started?

To modify your divorce decree, you will have to file a Motion to Modify. This motion will be specific to what aspect of the divorce decree you wish to modify. Because of this, the easiest way to get started is to hire an attorney at Divorce Matters!