What Makes a Gray Divorce Different?

Many people get married for the wrong reasons. Maybe they were young and wanted companionship. Perhaps they married for money and found out that they are incompatible with their spouse.

Sometimes people change as they get older. The children are gone and they are no longer content living with their spouse. Suddenly they realize that they are no longer satisfied with their marriage.

Couples who divorce at a younger age find it easier to move on. Their divorce may have been costly, but they still have 30 or 40 years to work and earn more money. This isn’t the case with couples going through gray divorces.

Gray divorces occur after a person turns 50. In the past, getting divorced after 50 was unheard of. It has now become a trend. In fact, the divorce rate for those age 50 and older has doubled since 1990.

At age 50, people have dreams of retirement. For many, those dreams have been replaced with thoughts of divorce. While divorce is no walk in the park at any age, it’s even more difficult as you approach retirement.

What to Expect

One of the biggest things that will be affected by a gray divorce is retirement. As you get older, you have less time to save up for retirement. If you are getting ready to retire, you will likely need to postpone it. If you already are retired, you may need to go back into the workforce. That’s because in a divorce, your assets will be split to fund two households instead of one.

A divorce may change your lifestyle. To make ends meet, you may need to downsize. Instead of your fancy four-bedroom home, you may need to consider a more affordable studio apartment for the time being.

Divorces are also more complicated as you get older. You’ve had much more time to accumulate assets than a couple who was married only several years. Asset division can take some time to finalize, and time equals money.

As people age and develop health problems, medical insurance becomes a primary concern. One spouse may not be able to afford it, so the other spouse agrees to pay for it. In some cases, couples live apart but stay legally married solely for health insurance benefits.

Making matters worse is that alimony can still come into play. If you were the higher wage earner, you may now be making monthly alimony payments to your ex-spouse for the rest of your life.

Reach Out to a Talented Lakewood Divorce Lawyer

Nobody expects to get divorced in their retirement years, but it’s becoming more common as people focus on their happiness and how they can live the best life possible. If you’re considering divorce in your 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond, the Denver divorce attorneys at Divorce Matters can help you through the process. It will be challenging, but we can help you make the best of the situation. Contact us at (720) 408-7469 to schedule your consultation.

Divorcing a Narcissist

We all have heard of narcissists and some of us have probably dealt with one at some time or another. Unfortunately, some of us may be married to one, or maybe in the process of divorcing one.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging. Narcissists are vain and think of themselves very highly. They are callous and do not care about the feelings of others. They are concerned primarily about themselves. They have a need for constant admiration as if they are a celebrity. They also feel entitled to everything and cannot handle criticism well.

So when you divorce the narcissist, be prepared to see your spouse portray himself or herself at the victim and you as the most horrible person in the world. While this portrayal will likely make you extremely upset, the worst thing you can do is react emotionally. Why? Because narcissists don’t care about the feelings of others. You’re just making things worse for yourself.

A narcissist will try to take the divorce all the way to court to let a judge decide. This seems like a poor strategy, but in the eyes of the narcissist, it’s better to have an unfavorable outcome when someone else has the control than to give up control unwillingly. This may not make sense at all, but that’s how the mind of a narcissist works.

Divorce Tips

So what can you do to avoid your spouse’s drama and get your divorce finalized quickly? Here are some suggestions:

  • Let your lawyer know about your narcissistic spouse. Most lawyers have experience dealing with this type of person, but if not, find someone who is. You need to have the right strategy.
  • Establish goals.What do you want to accomplish in the end? Determine what battles you want to fight, because some are small and not worth fighting.
  • Listen and ask questions. Don’t have preconceived ideas. Learn more about your spouse’s point of view and set reasonable expectations.
  • Document everything. Your spouse will tell lies. You can negate these lies by having receipts and other documents to back up your claims.
  • Be objective. Play devil’s advocate. What arguments will your spouse use against you to make you look like the bad guy? Think ahead so your lawyer can help you avoid hurting your case.
  • Be reasonable. Your spouse wants you to enrage you. Don’t let him or her do it. Don’t think with your feelings. Use law and facts to create an argument that is logical and reasonable.

Contact a Denver Divorce Attorney Today

Being married to a narcissist can be frustrating, but divorcing one can be even worse. Your spouse will try to manipulate you and refuse to settle outside of court. He or she will make your divorce a nightmare. Get help by contacting the family law professionals at Divorce Matters. We can help create an agreement that will allow you to settle outside of court without the drama. Request a consultation today by contacting Divorce Matters online or by calling (720) 463-1232.

Ways to Unwind After Divorce

After a divorce it is important not to forget to take care of yourself and make sure that you are doing things to help propel you into your new future. Here are a few quick and easy ways you can indulge yourself just a little bit:

  • Take a day trip somewhere on your own
  • Reconnect with your friends and family
  • Buy a little something you’ve always wanted (nothing too crazy!)
  • Take yourself to the spa
  • Start working out, it reduces anxiety and fights depression
  • Try something new, whether it is a hair cut, a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try or that play you always wanted to go see